For those of you who are in (or were in) plan B...

I gave my wayward wife my plan B letter on May 17th and I haven't heard from her since. She hasn't tried to contact me and I havent' tried to communicate with her. I've passed her on the road a few times but that's the closest I've come to contact.

However, I've been very lonely lately and have been tempted to contact her.

Here's the question:

What was the longest amount of time you went without comunicating with your wayward spouse?

It is certainly very tempting to contact your spouse while in Plan B. If the reason you are considering doing so is because of loneliness, DON'T break your silence. That's not a good reason and it will not result in anything good. Find some other people to talk to and keep yourself busy.

I first went three months without communicating with my WW. That silence was only broken because she sent a message to my Intermediary that we thought agreed to the PBL conditions. It's now been nearly eight months since I've communicated with her. The longer you go the better off you will be because it will get you used to being without that person in your life anymore.

So you went 3 Months, had contact, and now it's been another eight months?

Eight months is a pretty long time.


I'm leaning toward plan D next year if things don't change...

(((((Amazin)))))

And that my friend is OKAY....you have done all you can, you have changed in so many ways and God has blessed you immensely through all of this. I feel for you....really I do. I would want nothing more for you than a reconcilliation of your M and for it to be the best...and you know what?? YOu may still get that...It may be with someone else, but you will have learned loads through all of this....

Hang in there....your still in my prayers....

Not2fun

4 months of no contact whatsoever, only "broken" by our court appearance. We didn't interact but we sat in the same room for the hearing. After that, another full 2 months.

Amazin,

I just asked a variation on that question the other day. I asked if any M recovered after longer than 1 year in Plan B.

Anyway, I've seen my WH for 10 minutes in the last 1 year and 5 days, and that was the day we moved 10 months ago. So, nada, zilch, nothing in 10 months. He actually fled the state.

Thanks Not,

I don't know what's going to happen. I don't want to get divorced. But I can't stay in limbo forever either. The military is going to make me retire in another 4 years...

I look at it like this: I've got a full time temporary job. I'm going to have to make a career change soon and I dont want to be in the middle of a divorce when I do it. I got a date in my mind of when I'm going to go to Plan D. The clocks a tickin...

Amazin

4 months is a long time Julie.

Plan B can be tough.

Hang in there.

Amazin.

I feel for ya Chai...

Keep your chin up.

Amazin.

Amazin, you are not giving into that VERY INAPPROPRIATE temptation, are you? It would defeat the purpose of Plan B and signal to her that you didn't mean a word of your Plan B letter. It would also drag you back down into her emotional sewer.

Nope... I haven't contacted her... I'm just tempted to because I'm lonely.

I probably wouldn't be so lonely if I had family close by... but I don't... I'm in the northeast and my family is in the midwest.

Weekends were reeally tough for me when I was in Plan B. And early fall can be a freaky time of year.

I found solace here, in music, in dreaming, cooking.

I do remember those weekends though, they were killer tough.

Stay strong and lean on whatever keeps you upright.

Dan Fogleburg -

Linda lost a lover
In the early part of autumn
And she moved out to the country
Hoping all would be forgotten
The last time that I saw her
She was making sure the winter
Wouldn't come through that old door frame
Where the door is
Several inches from the ground
The cold, hard ground
And it's hard to go down easy
And it's hard to keep from crying
And it's hard to lose a lover in the early part of autumn
Well she learned to cook the meals
And she learned to start the fire
And she learned to make jewelry
Out of stones and precious metals
She sits down to the table
With her friends and several others
And she tries real hard to never be alone
And it's hard to go down easy
And it's hard to keep from crying
And it's hard to lose a lover in the early part of autumn
Now the winter wind blows cold
Upon a fair and gentle soul
And she feels as if her time is passing easy
But her friends are sometimes lovers
Though they'll always be another
She thinks about when nighttime lays on down
And it's hard to go down easy
And it's hard to keep from crying
And it's hard to lose a lover in the early part of autumn
And it's hard to go down easy
And it's hard to keep from crying
And it's hard to lose a lover in the early part of autumn

Thanks Weaves,

Weekends are very tough for me too. Durring the week I'm alright because I stay pretty busy. I've got alot going on at work.

My counselor keeps asking me "what are you doing for you?" She tells me that I need to do something that's just for fun. I've been wanting to go fishing but just haven't gone.

One reason I haven't done anything fun for myself is that I'm trying to get myself debt free. I've been very stingy with my money and how I've been spending it. The Chaplin at the base offered the Financial Peace University Course by Dave Ramsey.( http://www.daveramsey.com/ ) So I signed up for it. 13 classes... next week is the last one. Since I enrolled in the class I've paid off about $4700 in debt.

If I keep it up I'll be debt free except for my house payment by next spring.

Thanks again Weaves,

Amazin

Wow, that's awesome. I hear a lot of people talking about that program and how good it is.

It's taken me until now (48 yo) to become debt free. Well except for my mortgages (like you and because a house is considered an appreciable asset, I don't worry too much about that dept). I have four houses now, two I rent out and one down south my H and I are thinking about renting out.

I spend my time alone, which is a lot because my H travels all the time, reading about investment vehicles, things like bonds, T bills, CD's, stocks. For too long I didn't bother thinking about money and now it's like I'm obsessed with how we can save the most taxes and make the most money.

I have a girlfriend who is retired at 48 with NO debt, not even her mortgage, because she did like you. She is an accountant and was always very frugal and refused to ever pay interest...and now look at her. She was the smart one and we used to poke fun at her for being so cheap. LOL

You are not deployed are you? What branch? I grew up on AF bases. Dad was a pilot. Military bases are way different than civilian towns, aren't they? Or at least they used to be.

I'm in the Navy. I'm not deployed. In a lot of ways Military Bases are different than civillian towns. But in some ways they're the same and or better. When I was living on base in New Orleans I felt alot safer on base than I did out in town. I didn't worry about my kids going out in the neighborhood to play with their friends. Plus there's other things on the larger bases that keep them occupied. Gym, Pool, bike trail, horseback riding, etc... They have gas stations, grocery stores, resturants, and just about everything you'd find in town.

I'm stationed at a real small base right now. It's got a pool, a gym and an exchange that's about the size of a CVS Pharmacy. Not a lot to do. Plus I live about 45 miles from the base.

Funny... yesterday my youngest daughter and me were talking about when we lived on base. She liked it. I liked it too but sometimes you need to take a break from the military... and that's hard to do when you live on base.

Fishing is fairly cheap, and then you have free food.

But throw the baracuda's back.

It's easier to make friends on base.

New Orleans had the best fishing I've ever seen. It was awsome.

Unfortunately I'm the only one who likes to eat fish.

Then there is always catch and release.

Your counselor and I have been asking you for months what you are doing for YOURSELF. You are a good man, young and handsome, so get out there and start treating yourself well.

Getting rid of dept is an excellent project, but what about FUN??????

The next time I go down to NO, I gotta get off of Bourbon Street.

My H goes there quite a lot, and when I went I just didn't like it all. Then in speaking to others, my nieces and brother - "Well did you see this? Did you do this? How about this?"

And I'm thinking what? We never left the French Quarter except to go on the boat tour. I feel so cheated.