Hi again H&P

I needed to give the PC a bit of a break. My family really DOES need to see me from the other side of a keyboard.

I started to read up on your sitch. You seem to be quite a trooper.

I would like to have used an icon that tips a hat.

Sterkte dame!

Me thinks that it isn't sounding like you are staying very dark in Plan B. You spend time thinking and posting about WH and OP. If YOU are at the point of being done, so be it, but if it is just the anger, hurt, resentment speaking...then you need to refocus your energy.

What projects/hobbies do you have to focus on something other than WH?

Sounds like it will soon be time to garden again. Will you be planting flowers and vegetables? I adore tomatoes and cucumbers from the garden. Our current place does not have room for a vegetable garden.

Regarding my cousin's trip to South Africa, I'm not sure where they are going. I can hardly wait to hear about their trip.

jlr, I think its anger and resentment coming out in me....you're right in that I know too much info about them.I wouldnt have known about WH going away if the kids plans didn't change....I will try to refocus my energy..if only for my own sanity!!!

I can't wait to get stuck into my garden.1st Sept was spring day here but its been freezing cold and stormy....poor ozone layer???

I just feel that WH is getting everything he wants...own business,OP etc...makes me feel helpless and its easier to give up than feel these negative emotions..a bit of a pity party happening here!!!
Thanks for helping me see this....

Imagine I appreciate you taking the time to read my story....I just LOVED the Afrikaans!!!LOL very few people will know what you said!!!

Well,I 'm feeling calmer today...DS18 is going to WH later....
DS18 and friend have built a bar in our pool room which they are very proud of and DS18 wants to show WH when he comes round later.....
I so want to plan A him but I know I must stay DARK!!...
Sometimes cos I'm doing nothing I feel helpless in this..I know I can't control this,but my heart wants to rule my head...I feel like I'm going against my human nature...

I will keep repeating 'stick to the plan'.....to myself.

It is a helpless feeling. But once you realize that you are not in control, it gets easier. When you are down, just focus on the fact that most affairs end. Hubby's will too.

Good girl! Make sure it's a paid-up policy. Too easy to get a policy and then renege on the premiums. Maybe call the insurance company BEFORE you sign?

Once that's done, rest in the peace of Plan B. Ask your boys to stop telling you anything about WH, that it causes you too much pain.

HNP

I wasn't sure wether to post this but here goes...I just blew it.......

WH arrived with DS15 and one of OP's boys in his car when he came to fetch DS18.DS15 came in the house and asked if WH could come see the bar,I said yes..DS18 went to fetch him while I went with DS15 to see the bar in the pool room.
Of course WH couldnt look me in the face ...he raved about the good job the boys had done....I mentioned what I wanted to add to it...WH answered me but wouldn't look at me...I knew I looked like a GODDESS..LOL...

we all walked out together and boys went to the car...

ME;Why are you going away?
WH;We are going for a weeks staff training
ME:Is the loan ready for me to sign?
WH;No,I have a verbal yes from the bank
ME;It would have been lovely if we could have worked together in this venture.
WH;..Shrugged his shoulders...raised his eyebrows.
ME: :twobyfour:(for myself)Won't you consider coming home?
WH:Its been nearly 2 years....its impossible for me to come back.
ME:Its possible to recover from a LTA the MB way.
WH:I didn't know you wanted me back..DUH(what was the PBL for??)
ME:Is it because of your feelings for OP?
WH:blank stare......then...there's lots of reasons....maybe in a month or 2 we can get together and talk about it.(reasons why he can't come back)WTF
ME:I know you have this venture foremost on your mind...
WH;I won't go down that road again of "thinking about it"...said he had to go ,boys are waiting...
Of course I was upset,my own fault :twobyfour: .The only good that came out of the talk was that he didn't know I wanted him back..I think he has taken plan B as plan FU.He never reads things properly...

WH said OP had resigned from her job already...so now he is supporting 2 families and already has a $10 000 personal loan to pay back.....and 1 running car between them....madness
He looks very tired and weary...
I just had a lovely long hot bath and a cuppa tea....so I feel much better...
I now truely have to put him out of my mind...nothing more I can do.....

HNP



At least you gave him something to think about. Maybe he feels he's in too deep on the other side.

Someone quoted from a book here recently (I think Frank Pittman's book) that said something to the effect of them being two tired warriors when all the dust settles.

Sounds like the dust might be settling and your WH is one tired warrior right now.

Chailover,thanks for your kind words....
I like that quote about tired warriors,it explains my WH quite well I think.OP had said to my DS15 not so long ago that they were stressed!...bingo...

I think the reason why I broke my silence with him is cos I felt like they were moving on together..i.e going for training for new business venture (a week staying in a nice hotel,no kids,going out at night,having fun,etc....)...their plans are working out for them...I just felt so helpless.I know its silly...cos WH has so much against him right now...financially his really in the pit.Money is his no.1 priority in life so he will be stressed.

He said the reason why the bank was weary of giving him the loan was because he was unemployed and he had no salary slip to show them..he said if I had agreed to the loan a few months ago when he first asked me about it(mid-june)it wouldn't have been a problem....so me stalling did make it more difficult for him.I had used the fact that my lawyer was on vacation for 4 weeks as the excuse to wait to make up my mind.
At the time I thought there had to be a reason why my lawyer was on vacation...now I know!!
Yesterday just proved to me that there is NOTHING more I can do...so I leave WH and my marriage in God's Hands.

The banks lawyers office just phoned me to say the loan is ready for me to sign.They are e-mailing it to me so I can read over it.I will show my sis who works for a different bank,but in the loans and bonds depart.
They weren't sure wether to contact me or WH!
Do I text WH to let him know?..
Maybe I'll read the contract first.

Very good job and talking to your husband. I know it is against Plan B, but sometimes I think you need to let them know that you still want them back. He will be thinking about it, especially when things are not going well with the OW.

My ex didn't even remember my Plan B letter. When I referred to it once, he said "What letter?"

Now, go back to making a nice life for yourself, and let him get his needs met by the OW.

Believer,I thought you would give me a :twobyfour:
I was surprised that he didn't know I wanted him back!!!
I hope he will be thinking about it when things fall apart in his world...I only hope that I haven't moved on by then....

It makes me unsettled to think that OW's meeting his needs.she seems to be doing a good job.....
I will concentrate on myself now as best as I can....and I'll go underground for now!!!

Well now, you've planted the seed in the back of his mind. I know it is not the MB Plan B, but I think it never hurts to confirm to them that you wnat them back.

My ex insists that I didn't want him back - might be part of the WS fog or just his justification for his behavior.

Let the OW meet all of his needs. She may keep it up for awhile, but it will get more and more stressful. They have the blended family thing going against them, the loss of his job, the starting a new business, starting their relationship as an affair, and financial issues.

Pretend that you just planted a garden and let it go. Don't wonder every minute when the seeds will sprout.

While they are going through all of the stress, he will have it in the back of his mind that there is another option.

I love your garden analogy!!

1st Sept was spring day here but its been cold,freezing weather....We just had the worst storm in 7 years...
Before the affair I was a keen gardener,every weekend I was in the garden....I lost all interest during the affair...my heart wasn't in it.

Now I'm ready to garden again..the kids keep at me to get stuck in...Its something I'm looking forward to...the first thing in 2 years that has got me excited again!

Hi again...

I've just finished reading your thread and was about to join the chorus on how poor your plan B was doing. But, I too, think that what you did was rather cool. Of course it probably flies in the face of MB principles.

Like your H, I too, tend to skip the mail. My efficient missus does all that for me.

Anywho, you go goddess!

Thanks Imagine for taking the time to read my thread....its full of my many vents!!!!Its good therapy for me....
This rollercoaster can drive one insane at times....
I'm about to leave work.(work at one of the medi-clinics )
I might log on when I get home...

I had a good day today....just got home from work.This weekend was supposed to be WH's with the kids so I was down to work(we have to do 1 a month).
At least the boys will be home tomorrow....

Yesterday I started a 10 day fast...1 meal a day only.Its going to be tough but its something I feel I must do..The weekend will be hard but I will get by.So far so good!It helps me centre myself..

I got the copy of the loan and I will show my sister this weekend....

Hi H&P

I am a bit concerned about your releasing so much detail around your locality. I think I have narrowed down your position to one of two places. Were I to pry, I am sure that I could be at your door within the week.

This is NOT good.

There are predators on community boards (hopefully not this one) that have interfered with the process of a poster's development. There was a poster who reported that the OP's family had been harassed with death threats as a result of injudicious detail that he had revealed.

My advice is to omit the specific name of places that you frequent.

Now back to the regular program....

I never understood the sacrifice of a one meal a day fast. I'd start at breakfast and finish 'round supper.

Thanks for the concern.
I will keep a lower profile ....

HNP,

I like Believer's garden analogy. Yes, the seeds will sprout, but in a few months there will be white flies, fungus, mites, and beetles to deal with.

Just one question (I proably missed it somewhere) - why are you signing for a loan that will set him up in business with the OP? Of course, it could be a good thing. Business partnetships are tough.