I have a bit of a different take on what he said.

1. He WAS being honest with you and thus it wasn't important because he thought you believed him

2. He was gaslighting you and this is the start of a new snow job.

Best course, imho, is to simply tell him he has three days to schedule one and you get to go with him. Allow a reasonable date for the appointment, but insist that he has three days to actually MAKE the appointment.

Don't tell him it really didn't matter; that is female talk and he wouldn't understand. I barely do and I worked harder than most guys to understand female speak.

Larry

This is what I fear, Mopey. I have felt for a long time that there is more to the story than Ive ever gotten. In my gut, I suspect that this was not his first indiscretion.

My H volunteered to take the polygraph 6 months ago, he volunteered to set it up. He has willingly agreed to a post nup that came up in a casual conversation. So, I ask myself - would someone that is hiding something do that? And then, months go by - no polygraph is scheduled, no further discussion of drawing up a post nup is brought up and I start thinking, wtf? I start to see all of this as smoke and mirrors. I start to think that the last months have been a big sham.

Im embarassed, too. Last night, my H started looking up polygraph info and how to schedule one. I told him to forget it. I am just so humiliated. For him, for me. Its almost like I dont want him to go through that, for me. What the heck is wrong with me for thinking that??!!

Its very much on my mind that my H is calm now, but lets see how he would be if the test actually came around.

Kim-

How about this: Why don't you let him give you that gift of taking/arranging the poly, he's (attempting) to show you, with actions, that he's trust-worthy, that the last 2.5 years were not a sham. He believes you're worth that, do you?


OTOH, if he is lying, then you'll know what you're dealing with, and can take action.


Do not chose inaction because you're embarrassed, just think, if he's being truthful, you're giving yourself relief instead of embarrassment, if he's not, then you're giving yourself truth.

It's a win-win in my book.

GL!

Well, she would if she were in my family. My tiny daughter and I both are well endowed. Some sort of mutant gene because everyone else in the family is flat-chested. We have 'wrap around' breasts that start far enough back that you don't always recognize the fact that they are that big. Trust me, there are 13 year old girls who wear D bras.

I just caught up JK. Sorry you are going through this turmoil.

I think you need to let/make your H take that polygraph. For your sake if he is lying, and for his sake if he is not. You deserve and need to know the reality of your situation.

It is not your fault that you do not trust him. He threw that away and his efforts have not been sufficient to restore trust. STOP BLAMING YOURSELF FOR NOT TRUSTING HIM! He lied to you and cheated on you, you have every reason not to trust him.

The bra you found, it may have nothing to do with him. That doesn't matter. What matters is that you don't know if he's telling the truth or not. Find out, and in the process find out everything else that has been nagging at you. Knowing will help you make the right decision.

Tyk

Yep. My H enthusiastically agreed to take a polygraph. No arguments, or justifications from him. He actually seemed happy about it. He is allegedly setting it up.

Here is what I dont get. He agreed to this on Sunday. Since Sunday, he has done nothing to set it up. Nothing.

I mean, if it were me, Id be running to get this done and not only prove my innocence, but more importantly, give my spouse some relief.

I dont understand why he wouldnt do the same, unless, of course, he is lying and just buying time.

JK,

Make the appt and be done with it. Your H sees that his offer goes unchallenged for 6 mos so he will likely continue to do this in all aspects of your marriage if he knows you will let things go. When you find a place to do the polygraph, call and get 2 or 3 possible dates and times (in the near future here not someday far, far away.) Tell your H to pick one since you will be calling to confirm tomorrow. No more excuses.

Kim:

It almost sounds like your a bit afraid to find out the truth.

Set it up yourself and just drive him there without telling him what you are doing. The confession will come in the parking lot or he will chicken out in the parking lot. Either way, you have your answer.

TMI!! TMI!! cinder!!

But I agree. I went to school with someone that size or so. Larger, I think. I felt bad for her, especially when she played basketball. Of COURSE the guys didn't mind! :RollieEyes:

But yeah, why don't you go ahead and schedule that test yourself, JK. How does that saying go? "We all must do what we must do...for if we do not...what we must do will NOT GET DONE!"

Charlotte