Well, that explains a bit Stella! I'm so sorry you went through that! You certainly deserve to do whatever you want with your hair after beating cancer...

I can see how it would become very important to you...


E.

What MEDC said is true. MINIMAL beauty enhancement is great, too much is strange and unneeded. Do men really like 6 inch heels? Or do we THINK they like them....I wont wear those...ever...

I agree MEDC. Simple beauty is much more attractive to me than high maintenance beauty that screams me...me...me...

Now having said that, I think taking care of oneself and being OPEN is also important to me.

I can remember how heinous it was when I had 1/4 inch of new hair growth. Ewwww, what can you do with that? Nuthin!

Well, one thing I have noticed is the fact that even though a husband may prefer a younger-looking, more attractive, maybe even thinner wife... doesn't necessarily mean he himself looks young, attractive, in shape LOL.

In hindsight I've realized that my husband's favorite tv shows had actresses playing the wife who were MUCH younger, slimmer, attractive than the actors playing the husband...

The OW who WXH destroyed our marriage/family for was 15 years younger than me, weighed only a little less than me (maybe 10-15 pounds), and although she isn't really better-looking than me she apparently spends a LOT more time and money at the mall than I do...

BUT she was ALSO 16 years younger than my husband, a LOT slimmer than him (until he suddenly crash dieted away about 50 pounds), and way better-dressed than him (until he literally bankrupted himself buying a new wardrobe and other stuff on credit cards he couldn't keep up the payments on). His straggly, long, thinning pony tail had not been cut in years until he 'fell in love with' the OW (now he's almost totally bald).

AND my WXH was ALSO not as young, slim, or good looking as ME either! Not then when he left me for OW and not now that OW has dumped him. The ONLY time WXH was in better shape physically than me was when I was pregnant; and even that is debatable since I did a lot of prenatal exercise classes and took lots of walks during pregnancy (7 walks the day my youngest daughter was born! hey I was bored and liked walking around the neighorhood to look at the gardens LOL). When he left me for the OW I was teaching a two-hour-long Irish step dance class once a week, ice skating 3 times per week, going to water aerobix 1-2 times per week, taking ballroom dance lessons, and taking walks too of course. He had been going skating with us (even took some lessons himself for a couple of years) and was taking the ballroom dance lessons with me, but quit going anywhere with me and our daughters the last year he lived with us, preferring to sit home and look at porn online instead.

I look VERY young for my age, look WAY younger than my WXH even though he is only one year older than me. It was sort of like he already had the young 'trophy wife' with me since I looked so much younger than him. When I was the OW's age I looked WAY younger than her and she will look WAY older than me when she gets to be my age LOL. I didn't really even look older than the OW even though she was 15 years younger than me. She looks her age - I also look her age LOL. She just dresses trashy and more like a teenager... appears 'younger' in that way... My daughters ranging in age from 17 to 22 dress more modestly and maturely than she does (and they do wear 'hoodies' and such - just nothing raunchy or revealing).

I do realize more now how important physical appearance is to most males (even males who themselves don't look so hot). I had falsely assumed that since I was in better shape, younger, and better looking than my husband, AND paid more attention to my appearance than he did, that I was doing enough. I had assumed that since my husband had gotten VERY slack regarding his appearance that I didn't need to put tons of effort into trying to always look fabulous, that maybe I could relax sometimes and just be me? I guess not... If I knew what I know now I would have spent more time and money on the outward beauty stuff like make-up (but I still wouldn't have starkly bleached my already blond-to-light-brown hair, covered my brown eyes up with blue contact lenses, or caked on that light blue eyeshadow LOL). I figure I'm just not my WXH's type LOL.

And what's weird is that when my WXH first met I never wore any make-up/jewelry/perfume, rarely dressed up, and didn't even own a pair of high heels. I DID invest a lot more time, money, and effort on my appearance after and throughout the marriage than what he saw when we started dating. I can understand it when men complain that a woman was all dolled up when dating but really let herself go after getting married (within reason - accepting the fact that everyone ages and gets busy with caring for kids, etc.)

When I review the adulteries I know of personally, it isn't exactly a given that the OW is better or younger looking than the BW, or that the WH is better looking than the BW. But what I've learned and accepted is that from the WH's POV that doesn't matter. The next time I marry I will not assume anything. (But I'll also be careful to marry a man who is less attracted to stuff like make-up and such LOL.)

I love you all, have to get to work now, check back with ya later....

I think ALL heels are ridiculous and they are horrible for women's knees and feet.
Mascara....silly
Lipstick...a nuisance
Painted toenails...come on..
very faint perfume...okay
little foundation/blush...okay
Jeans/t-shirt over a skirt any day.
hair dye...if it makes you feel nice...go ahead

Yay!! I much prefer flats too-- and I'm only 5'3"



Hmm... I disagree. I think my eyes are my best feature, and the mascara brings them out. Takes me about 10 second to apply on each eye, literally. It looks natural on me because I already have black hair, and I don't cake it on (I hate when its caked on).


I wear tinted lip gloss. Serves a purpose (I have dry lips, esp. during the summer) and gives a little bit of color.


I paint my own toe nails... just 'cause my toe nails themselves have this ugly yellow tint to them. I have never had a pedicure, and one "painting" of my toe nails lasts me about a month... longer in the winter...


I hate too much perfume. I use a scented body wash, that's it.


I HATE FOUNDATION! It makes me feel like I'm wearing a mask. I hate, hate it. It feels like my skin can't breathe! I just wear a little bit of powder to even out my skin tone, but even that I go super light. I can't stand feeling like my skin has make up all over it!


Yay! I do own a few very comfy summery skirts that I wear often, but they are knee length, and honestly more comfortable than jeans. And casual.


I'm too afraid!

E.

"What MEDC said is true. MINIMAL beauty enhancement is great, too much is strange and unneeded. Do men really like 6 inch heels? Or do we THINK they like them....I wont wear those...ever..."

I admit that I do on occasion get all dolled up (and then REALLY turn heads for the day LOL) and even own/wear spike heels sometimes (but mine are only 4 inch because my feet aren't big enough to wear those skyscraper ones - and lately I prefer those 'kitten heels' that are so sweet and not so painful).

I wear earrings most days (huge selection LOL) but hardly ever wear more jewelry than that - just for special occasions.

I usually wear little to no make-up unless it's a special occasion, a date, or a job interview. Apparently my WXH would have preferred it if I wore as much make-up everyday as I did for skating performances.

I had my make-up professonally done for my wedding and a few other times for special occasions. Plus I've had those 'Glamour Shots' photos done three times. My WXH wanted to know why I couldn't look like that EVERY day? LOL I reminded him that it took professionals about an hour to make me look that way, it was 'pancake' make-up that they warned me to remove ASAP, and they had my hair pinned up all crazy in the back to make it look bigger from the front view. And they poses they put you to make you look so seductive are very uncomfortable and weird. It would have looked "strange and unneeded" for sure if I had gone out in public like that! In fact it looked SO strange the first time I had it done my baby daughter refused to be handed back to me from the woman who held her while my make-up was being put on - a total stranger.

HAHA!!! I must be in a mood because I have to share this story. WstbxH, the same one I've been describing this whole time, once went to Future Shop for their Boxing day sale wearing a ripped pair of pajammas, a stained sweater and his old winter coat, socks and sandals (yes, sandals in December in Canada). He also had just shaved his head (yes, his head), cut himself and had the tissue still stuck there when he went. Later that day, the DJ on the local radio station was describing the crazy people that line up for Boxing day sales. He described this "guy in pj's, sock and sandals, and tissue stuck to his just-shaved head"! Yup - it was WstbxH alright!!! So, yeah, if he really wanted me to improve my appearance, he could have done slightly better than this. Pot, meet kettle!

Ha!

I LOVE
Mascara
Heels
lipstick
Painted toenails
perfume
foundaton
highlights.

I love em because MOST are NOT an everyday thing. I mean, in my position, the very THOUGHT of how my wife looks drives me insane. But, when we got along, when she put on the works, MAN, she looked great. And it had a LOT to do with it being a special treat, not her every day look.

Having experienced infidelity, the concept of PA as an EN can be very touchy for some people here. ESPECIALLY if the WS blamed the BS for lack of PA. I think we can all agree that there is no excuse for having an A, whether the spouse refuses to meet the need for PA or not.

But that doesn't invalidate the EN. Just because you don't have a strong EN for PA doesn't mean someone else shouldn't or that it's wrong. I thought that was the point of HNHN; showing how men and women have different ENs and we need to respect that.

Clearly there can also be resistance if your spouse is not meeting your ENs ('Why should I put in a bunch of effort to look nice, when he doesn't'). They might be thinking the same thing ('Why should I care that I'm overweight when she clearly doesn't care about her own weight'). That's not a path to happiness, IMO.

I think the idea of the media being solely responsible for what men find attractive is a bit ridiculous. What man reads women's magazines? And men have different preferences anyway.

DITTO!!

One of the reasons I was initially captivated by my FWW was that she was definitely NOT the "high-maintenance" type. IMO, "high-maintenance" women are nice to look at, but that's as far as it goes.

My FWW occasionally puts on lipstick, and gets her hair cut - that's about it, except for special occasions when she wants to "doll up".

I love her just as she is .

Sorry B

I disagree big time with that premise. If PA is a top EN, I would be real hesitant to marry someone like that. There may be nothing wrong with it as a whole, but it can be dangerous if you get married to a person who has that need.

A HIGH need for PA means.....A HIGH NEED FOR ANY PA. If you are really into the attractiveness of people, that means ALL PEOPLE. ANd thats dangerous in my opinion.

When I was getting married I had a high need for meet a person who was easy going and someone I got along with great. I found that person and slowly she became the person who I find the most beautiful in the world. When we first met, I wasn't blown away with her beauty, just her personality.

Again, this is MY opinion only. I'm sure others will disagree.
To me looks and money are the most superficial of all needs.

This is exactly what I want (and have always wanted) my spouse to feel about me. So really stating that I'm not attractive enough as a reason for an A is a double-low-blow in this sense. Thanks for stating it this way Gabagool.

I agree completely. It's not to say I don't acknowledge these ENs, but they are still superficial. People with these particular ENs risk disappointment as their once-attractive spouse ages and/or undergo some financial hardship (which can also happen to anyone).

Gab, I read your last 2 posts as very contradictory??

Wow. I didn't realize the direction this thread would take. I was taking it more from the POV that both spouses start marriage fit and trim. One spouse stays fit and trim while the other continually gains weight.

I appreciate the responses.

I like to look at attractive people.

Who doesn't?

I did just spring for what I thought was an expensive haircut. I donated an 8 inch ponytail to the BEAUTIFUL LENGTHS program run by Pantene. It provides wigs for women with cancer. I did it just because I wanted to make a difference for someone else. It seems so stange to see my little bag of hair and realize that it, along with hair from 5 or 6 other people will make a big difference for someone else. Cost me so little and will mean so much to someone else.




A Gift To "Beautiful Lengths"