Holy Cr@p!!!!

Mrs W. - now that is some impressive spending, LOL.

I bet they looked great though! :-)

Why respond to his demands? Why teach him that it is ok to make demands on you and you will go do something?

My take is that this is something he should gather information on to convince you or if he made a respectful request then I would go do it.

But, I have a hard time rewarding demands.

Wow! I hope you had hair insurance.

With the SF issue - it's what he HAD on the side (OW) that influses his unwillingness to negotiate some of this. I know this. I'm sure this isn't unusual.

(she was small - size 2/4, and he was able to have the interaction of sex he wants with her - carry her around, lift her up... you get the picture)

In addition, H views me as a reflection of him when we are out, and he has done all this work (physical) on himself and still people see him with a heavier wife. He sees it as a remaining piece of his total transformation puzzle of sorts.

LOL! Mr. W will tell you that I am a PROFESSIONAL SPENDER! (I am a POJA junkie now however)

They were cool...Mr. W dug them too! They got old though...too much maintenance and I have pretty good hair anyway - less trouble just to grow it long myself...

My highlights are non-negotiable though...I've always been a blonde and can't imagine life any other way...(Mr. W is a blonde lover - so it works for us!)

Mrs. W

Mrs. W

Mrs. W

Because my marriage is important to me. I can't simply NOT respond to his highest needs...

Oh HUSH MEDC.

Us girlies can spend our disposable income on anything we deem a necessity. Be it denim, hair, spa treatments, etc. etc. etc.

After all, we DO make money too.

And yes, we also volunteer our time for good causes and donate our $$ to those causes as well. So chill, Dude.

Jo

His highest need is SF and what you are both working together to resolve.

But, losing 70lbs was his solution to the problem and a demand, unless you agreed with this and were enthusiastic about it.

There are complaints, respectful requests, and demands. I consider what he to be telling you what to do as a demand.

Ha! Jo, you are giving medc way more credit than I was. I thought he was gonna hurl because he got caught being disrectful.

I've lost 28 lbs in 7 weeks on Atkins, and I wasn't heavy, I'm 6'0" 182 now.

My WW is almost too skinny, 5'5" 106. To be honest that was a big attraction to me 20 years ago, but I'll have a different set of criteria for W2.

Like no f'ing co-workers :-)

I agree. I was going to say it's a SD. I think it's a huge LB on his part.

If you meant disrespectful, I disagree and meant every word I said.

As for Resilient...Jo, IMHO, there is no division of the money in a marriage...no matter who earns it, I consider it both partners. Hey, if that worked for the W's good for them...for me it is cross eyed crazy. If you don't like my expressing that...too bad.

Personally, I didn't take it as disrespectful, MEDC - No more than I would take cinderella not digging mascara as disrespectful - I love my mascara! I took it as people have different preferences and priorities...I realize that many, many people would think what I spend on my hair (and other things) is NUTS...What matters is that Mr. W and I are okay with it...

Plus I'd be lying if I didn't say that I kinda enjoyed making you a little "cross eyed crazy"!

I love ya man!

Mrs. W

They were not discussing my response to you Mrs W. They were referencing another post.

And yes, I know you like driving me crazy.

I told my GF about your post and she just laughed and had the same response I did. I guess that's why they make chocolate and vanilla.

Right...I know they meant another post...I thought it was about spending money on hair though...maybe not...ah well...

Chocolate please!

Mrs. W

Strawberry for me.

Medc

If its possible, I would like to agree about the no division in income, no his or hers. I would agree if I didn't know human nature. And I take my situation into account.

I own my own biz. I bring home a paycheck. I give my wife THE WHOLE PAYCHECK. With this paycheck she knows that I don't care WHAT she does with it. Its not so giving of me BECAUSE I KNOW it will be spent or saved judiciously. She's just great with money, billpaying, saving, etc. I'm not. I'm too generous, spend too much, etc. Money just isn't that important to me. BUt I know it is VERY VERY important to her.

Now, IF I need ANYTHING, it is VERY VERY VERY rare that I take the money out of the family check. Its just not worth it. I would have to explain WHY it was neccesary and most times the explanation would not be to her liking. She's a tightwad, period. So, I take the money from my business. Now, I'm NOT talking about cars, furniture etc. The BIGGEST think I have purchased is a laptop to replace a 4 year old one. This stratagy my wife finds unsatisfactory also.

Now, I have to tell you, my wife did NOT want this business, in fact it is a BIG reason for our difficulties. Before I opened it, I (or we) had a smaller biz. Every time I wanted to purchase something, her answer was "No. WE CANT AFFORD IT" And I mean EVERY TIME. So, in my mind, if everything I thought we should purchase was met with WE CAN'T AFFORD IT, naturally I became concerned. Well, if we can't afford it, that means we are NOT saving for college, for retirement, etc. Heres an idea, why not expand? Now, before I opened ANY BUSINESS, my wife and I had an agreement. For 10 years I would open and expand my biz as much as I can. At the end of 10 years, we would sell it off in its entirety and HOPEFULLY retire or at the very least do something less demanding. IT WAS AN AGREEMENT. So I expanded.

Ohhhhh boy. Did ca ca hit the fan. "what the hellll are you doing?, Money was great, no need to expand, I know I didn't tell you NOT to expand, but you should have read between the lines...etc, etc, etc.... She hated the expansion, she DEMANDED that she NOT be involved IN ANY CAPACITY, and she put her foot down and told me that it was a big mistake, like EVERYTHING ELSE I had ever done...........Well, she was wrong. Its been, by far, the biggest success I have EVER had. NOT ONCE, not once has she EVER apoligized or anything.

Medc, once I give her that check, once I pay for ANYTHING SHE DEEMS NECESSARY (INCLUDING A 52,000 DOLLAR A YEAR BOARDING SCHOOL) anything I buy....is with MY money. It is NO CONCERN of hers. She has ANYTHING she needs, she can purchase ANYTHING with no hassles from me. But because she has been SUCH a non team player with all this, after that....ITS MY MONEY. I earned it. Not her. If she supported me more, fine, things would be different, but with ALL THE PRESSURES of opening a new business, support from your spouse would be nice. I didn't get that. ANd that was AFTER we had already agreed. She changed her mind, decided against it, and just decided NOT to tell me.

So, while I would ABSOLUTELY LOVE to agree with you about OUR money... believe me, I REALLY think thats the way it should be....I just WON'T think of it in our case. I took the chance, I did the work, I had the confidence, I did the research, I got the funding, AND it is MY money. She can have ANY AMOUNT she wants, but I'll be DAMNED if she FORBIDS me to do anything with what is left over.

But your original statement is perfect. ANd very very loving. I wish I could agree. I really do.

Ditto!!!!
And I'll raise you this:

Edited to add that this is in response to Mrs. W's hair extensions - I replied before I read the last page and saw people misunderstood.