My wife and I have been married for 4 years next month.We have had our bad times and our good times.
My wife just decided that she wants a divorce.It was kinda out of the clear blue but I know that she is not cheating on me.We both Love each other its just she wanted me to change certain things about myself.Only she never told me what to do.Only now when she keeps screaming divorce do I fully understand where I have been at fault.
A week ago we were going to separate and see if we could eventually work things out.Now she doesnt even want to do that.She is so stern about getting a divorce and I am willing but do not want that at all.I want us to stay together and work things out.I now know what I should be doing but she has cut her self off soo much that I dont know what to do anymore.
As far as I know anyway,if you want a divorce dont they make you go to counseling first or something like that?

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi5009_qa.html

The Q/A here basically says what happened with my wife...only I woke up and now she doesnt care.

What can I do?

You need to learn to snoop and quick.

I guarantee you there is the beginnings of an affair and a toxic friend cheerleading her.

Tell her that you don't want to divorce and that even separation goes against your core beliefs. Your willingness to go along with it, against what you want, is not being truthful to her. She can be as strong willed as she wants; that doesn't mean you have to be ultra accommodating.

You do need to make sure there isn't another person involved. This is important. Exposing an affair takes different steps than just trying to win your marriage back. Check her cell phone record, her internet history, etc. Gather up any possible evidence and then come back here to find out the best ways to expose an affair.

If you're sure there isn't another person involved, tell her that you'd like to work on the marriage in earnest with her for 6 months, with her back home, before you'll be at peace with yourself and can then allow yourself to be at peace with separation if she still feels the same way.

Talk to a lawyer about your rights. You don't have to tell your wife; just educate yourself so that you know such things, like an answer to your question about requiring counseling before a divorce will be granted. I don't think it's required in my state, and is likely not a mandate in other states either. Make a list of questions. Call and see what it would cost you. Tell the lawyer you're just educating yourself but are attempting to reconcile with your wife.

Print off the basic concepts here, read them, and give her a copy. Tell her you are actively trying to change your habits and outlook and would like her to try as well.

Print off the LB questionnaire for wives and if you don't think she will fill it out for you, fill it out for her and work on it towards eliminating behaviors in yourself that you know she doesn't like. If she is willing to do this for you, tell her there is also a questionnaire for the husbands if she is interested in seeing yours at some point in the future.

HI

I am going through almost the exact same thing right now. If you wanna talk, here is my email, show_456@hotmail.com

I just found out this morning that she is indeed in love with someone else.I dont know if it has evolved into a physical relationship or not yet.
I have said my feelings and I dont think I am getting across to her.She just doesnt want to hear it.I changed my tactic a little to a more accepting one maybe to throw her off a little...I dont know I am just handling this horribly.I just say the wrong things.
I tried to get her and I together to talk to a counselor and she was accepting at first but now she is so upset because I found out that there was the other guy that she doesnt want to have anything to do with me right now.

Does this other person share her feelings?
Is he married?

Affairs thrive when they are kept in the dark. That is why she is so upset. You know now, and the thrill is being threatened now.

I am going to suggest you post your situation on General Questions and ask about the right way to go about exposing the affair.

Also, ask about Plan A and Plan B or read about them on the boards.

Important stuff.

Exposing is said to be very important. It brings it out in the open to people whose esteem they value - takes away the excitement and replaces it with shame. She is likely to be angry; that's normal. The objective is to put an end to the affair, though, so that you can start from scratch with her and hopefully save your marriage.

My son was in your position. Do your homework. Find out who the other person is,where he lives and works. Consult a lawyer ASAP. You have to stay one step ahead of her.
My DIL demanded a divorce and was cold as ice. I asked my son if she was talking to another man and he said she mentioned this one man a lot. I got his name,found his address,got directions and wa la.....My son walked in on them.
During this stressful time,my son never let on what he knew. He had my H check their mail everyday while they were at work. That's how he found out she had consulted a lawyer.
Hold your cards close to your chest. Luckily for my son,she could not afford a lawyer without alerting my son by taking money from their account. But it didn't bother my son to close the account leaving her penniless. He moved out legally and she was responsible for all the bills. All her carefully laid plans fell apart the night a police officer served her with divorce papers. She was totally shocked at how much he knew,that he had a lawyer,that he had filed,closed their bank account and then moved out. She had taunted him that HE was going to be sorry. She could not believe that he had figured her out saying she didn't think he was smart enough. She finally fell apart at work and begged my son to give their marriage another try. Too late.:)
Do your homework,protect your assets,consult a lawyer. My ex-DIL's life is in the toilet. The man she cheated with didn't want her after their affair was discovered. Guess it wasn't fun to tear up another man's life anymore. To make matter's even sicker,this mans wife cheated on HIM and left HIM and all he did was moan and groan about it. Then,he turned around and did it to my son. Sick.