Aside from Chrisner, I have seen several other long-term members say this is the rule you NEVER bend, never.

But Gdar, you are also choosing to believe that not informing OWH is a step you can skip!

Probably the two most important steps to protecting yourself and your family you are choosing to believe don't apply to your sitch...

ok, GDar, Plan A is not about giving a wayward spouse the "benefit of the doubt." It is not wise to give the benefit of the doubt to a wayward person. And as long as your H continues to see the OW every day, a) you are not in recovery and b) he is not to be trusted.

This would be just like a falling down drunk swearing off booze - not by quitting - but by changing the name of his drinks to BUSINESS DRINKS. Do you imagine an alcoholic could ever recover via that slight of hand?

It is ok if you choose to delude yourself about this. But posters here care too much about your well being to ENABLE you in that delusion. The truth is that recovery is impossible until contact ends. If you "FEEL" you are in recovery, I would only point out that feelings are not truth.

I also find it very bothersome that you won't tell the OWH. You keep the OWs secret at your own expense. Keeping this a secret enables the affair and harms your marriage.

You use the excuse that you have "zero proof" that they are in contact, yet they are in contact EVERY DAY. EVERY DAY. That is a continuation of the love affair, GDar. And you only know the EXTENT of the contact from your husband, a WAYWARD, whom you unwisely give the "benefit of the doubt."

I would take both before I would live with an active adulterer again. If they are in contact, you are not in recovery.

Good luck with your modified plan. Every example I can think of here has failed, but there is always a chance for a first.

You need to act like you are in recovery, and work as though you are.

However....

You need to continue to watch. It would be wise to never completely trust your spouse. We tend to get lax when we do, and we quit paying attention to things we ought to monitor.

I don't mean you should always look for signs of cheating. You should always look for signs of discontent, and or things that don't fit his normal behavior. If you see odd behavior, you should always follow up on it.

You are sounding much better personally. Like some of the "monkey" is off your back. That is a good thing. I would guess your whole family is happier now.

God be with you.

SS

Thank you, SS. This is what I intend to do. I now show up to his work regularly, and that makes me feel a bit better. I also have a feeling the OW is very jealous of me (she is not attractive, I am) and there are a ton of pictures and cards from me all over his office. When she was here at our house (for a work BBQ), I could tell she felt defeated. I plan to continue showing up at his work, looking and acting like a million bucks. She is so incredibly insecure, I think she knows she is no competition to me. She baited him while I was in a bad space, but now that "I" am back, she stands no chance. I wont let it happen. Hear me roar. LOL

I also recommend you pay close attention to what the other are telling you - There is a lot of wisdom in the comments you are getting.

Improvement is wonderful, but you should pay attention to all sides of this, not just some of them.

OK?

SS

Will do. I am, I really am. I tend to respond better with suggestions and not demands, that is all.

oh c'mon, who has made a "DEMAND" of you? Folks here are trying to HELP you, that is not a "demand." Telling you that his daily contact with the OW will preclude recovery is not a demand, it is a warning.