"..I don't know, I cannot even remember what happened last week"

When ever I try to ask specific questions or engage in communication this frequently is the stock answer with WH.

Is this aversion tactics or is it a case of bad memory?

J

Sadly,
For the most part its usually delay, , divert, deny.
And when that doesn't work ...the faulty memory card comes out.

Sure there probably are a few things that someone doesn't really recall.
However,
if your getting this "pat" answer for more than 1 out of like 25 questions ....then yes it is a diversion and yet another lie.
ESPECIALLY if it usually occurs with any subject or topic that is more of the loaded or heated type (at least in the mind of the wayward)

Look,
it takes a very good memory and much thought and planning to keep all the lies and stories straight to pull off an affair.
In addition,
it most times requires a good memory ....because the person is many times a Compartmentalizer ....and keeps things straight by having each segment of his/her life separate and distinct (at least inside their own heads).

So to believe that a person can so skillfully manage this task while in the midst of an Affair,
yet then totally LOSE that ability post A
is just a bit much to ask a reasonable person to accept.

It's a load of crap.

My W told me the other night, when I asked "how many times did you sleep with OM?" (in a 1 month period, I might add)...."I don't remember...do you remember how many times you've slept with women in your life?"

Needless to say, my 17 years of sexual history is obviously a little harder to remember than her 1 month of adultery....one would think. But no, I get her lame attempt at reverse psychology instead. :RollieEyes:

Wayward are complete idiots, and it doesn't stop the day they get caught.....it goes on for a while afterwards.

You will be surprised how often they will say "I forgot, can't remember....don't remember what I said, don't remember what I felt." My H is still playing that game. I think he hopes if he does it long enough I'll give up and believe him. I'm presuming he can remember other things from that time frame if it doesn't have to do with A or OW. Introvert is right, he is giving you a bunch of bull.

What I am trying to figure out is that it seems like most people on here acknowledge that during an A WS's are in a fog and truely believe their rewritten version of the marital history, they forget the good and remember only the bad.

So it would seem to me that it is not so far fetched that after the A ends and the WS is in recovery that they do the same thing about the A. They want to rewrite the A history. They want to forget the good and remember the bad, just like they did with the marital history. Only as BS's we are there questioning them on it, so even though they want to forget the details of the A they can't because then we (BS's) get mad that they are telling us lies.

IMHO, the memory lie that WS tell is just that ... a complete lie. When pressed in the right way...they remember. When confronted with a polygraph suddenly they get a better memory. It is all part of the game that liar's play. NEVER believe anything out of the mouth of a WS. Liar's lie....about everything.

I tend to agree with the other posters. They remember most everything that any normal person would and are just trying to get out of the discussion.

The only caveat I have is some things that a BS would think is very significant, they may not remember because it wasn't significant to them.

As an example, I imagine WS's call OP on the BS's birthday or other significant day. If you ask them did they call OP on your birthday, they may not remember because at that time your birthday was no more significant to them than any other day and it was just one of their routine calls.

Now if you say "did you duck out of my birthday party to call OP?" They will remember that and if they claim they don't remember, they are lying.