This is kinda long my appologies in advance, but I would appreciate a little advice/support/something.... I just don't know what to do or to think at the moment....
I have been married now for only 9 months 3 months of which were spent in different countries due to the changes we were going through. However I have been w/ my husband for almost 5 years now.
We have always had a bit of a rough relationship due to alot of my issues includeing insecurity issues, depression, abandonment issues, and lying. I am not proud of these problems and have been to consuling and at one point was put on anti-depressants for a breif period which i am also not proud of. My now husband encouraged me to no longer need the medication and I have not took it for a long time, however it was the only time I felt normal. I would guess this is mostly history and not what really leads me here today though.
My husband is fed up with me and my inability to tell the truth as well as my anger. I have been really working on this the best I know how. But I lied to him again about where I was, not infidelity, Its just he doesn't like me at our mutual friends shop (i.e. in public) without him there, because he doesn't see it as appropriate, and considers the person his friend only. The guy is married and after meeting my husband has become like a big brother to me, it isn't romantic. I know I shouldn't lie, or should just not do it to appease my husband. But he has female friends and thinks it is find to spend time with them without me there (I am fairly sure it is not sexual it is in public places)
Anyhow, he wants to leave and this time it isn't a talk or bluff I don't think. I am overseas due to a death in the family and he bassically said you can use your return flight in two weeks to pick up your stuff under two conditions, you have a flight back home booked for withing 4 days of your arrival AND you come with divorce papers, or you don't come back and when he comes he will bring what he can of my stuff.
I truely want our marriage to work and wish we would both work at it, however, it is always my fault and what I did and I am feeling a bit beat down. I acknowledge my mistakes, and want to fix my problems, yet I also want to fix my marriage and the relational problems we have. I don't actually believe it is all my fault on an intilectual level, however, I have been made to feel that it is all my fault and he has no part. When I have tried to work on things with him in the past I get..."I did that but you did this and therefor what I did was justified."
I am sorry if that sounded a bit like a ramble I just feel really lost and sick and too many things and really don't know what to do right now, and needed something from someone out there because my circle of friends is basically non-existant and I don't feel I can go to my family with this.
