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I tried plan A for five months now. No change from him other than no more fighting. He agrees that I have not been committing any LB's and that I have been meeting his EN's.
But every week, we spend less than an hour together doing any UA time. He says he's sorry, will try to do better. Then promptly forgets about us, goes back to reading, playing online games, spending quality time with the baby and watching movies.
He makes NO attempt to meet my EN's and acts affronted if I suggest anything. He just says "oh it's your way or the highway, huh?" if I make a thoughtful request.
Nothing kills a love and a marriage faster than an un-reciprocated Plan A.
I could have an affair and he wouldn't CARE. He's even said so.
I promised I wouldn't kick him out of the house, so Plan B is out. I think I'm heading toward an emotional Plan B tho. No more meeting his EN's without being loved or wanted or desired back. I'm sick of being treated like furniture.
It's 4am and I can't sleep I'm so lonely. He's in bed snoring peacefully, totally oblivious to anything I'm thinking or feeling. If he sees me crying, he'll ask what's wrong. But if i tell him it's a big fight because I have no "reason" to feel this way.
I hate to think that the only way I can be happy is to have an affair. But I don't see any other way out of this. Does it make it better or worse that he wouldn't CARE if I had an affair? that he wouldn't CARE if i slept with another man? He'd look up from his movie or book and say "that's nice dear" and go back to reading or watching his movie.
This life and this love are the stories we write
We are free to write the truth, or lies or to tear the pages
To cherish, and erase, rewrite and start over
Mate it better, make it stronger, plot twists and
the impossible happiness that comes from unexpected love and forgiveness
Make it up as we go along, to have faith in the story
And never ever, ever give up – no matter what
Or to leave the book on a park bench in the rain
and walk away, saying how sorry we were
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Joined: Dec 2007
Posts: 5,860
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Learn how to do the 180. Get involed in activities, hobbies, fun things to do. Ask him to come. Say's no go without him. Show him that you will not sit home and waste your life. Make him miss you by going out and having fun.
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Joined: Sep 2008
Posts: 11
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Joined: Sep 2008
Posts: 11 |
I tried plan A for five months now. No change from him other than no more fighting. He agrees that I have not been committing any LB's and that I have been meeting his EN's.
But every week, we spend less than an hour together doing any UA time. He says he's sorry, will try to do better. Then promptly forgets about us, goes back to reading, playing online games, spending quality time with the baby and watching movies.
He makes NO attempt to meet my EN's and acts affronted if I suggest anything. He just says "oh it's your way or the highway, huh?" if I make a thoughtful request.
Nothing kills a love and a marriage faster than an un-reciprocated Plan A.
I could have an affair and he wouldn't CARE. He's even said so.
I promised I wouldn't kick him out of the house, so Plan B is out. I think I'm heading toward an emotional Plan B tho. No more meeting his EN's without being loved or wanted or desired back. I'm sick of being treated like furniture.
It's 4am and I can't sleep I'm so lonely. He's in bed snoring peacefully, totally oblivious to anything I'm thinking or feeling. If he sees me crying, he'll ask what's wrong. But if i tell him it's a big fight because I have no "reason" to feel this way.
I hate to think that the only way I can be happy is to have an affair. But I don't see any other way out of this. Does it make it better or worse that he wouldn't CARE if I had an affair? that he wouldn't CARE if i slept with another man? He'd look up from his movie or book and say "that's nice dear" and go back to reading or watching his movie. hi just read this its like reading my own life
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
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Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
I don't think you understand Plan A. First off, it is intended for marriages, not live together situations. And secondly, there is Plan A *AND* Plan B. There are TWO parts, not one. Plan A rarely works to kill the affair, so this is not an expectation.
Secondly, Plan A is only intended to last 3-4 WEEKS before Plan B for women. MARRIED WOMEN.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Joined: Oct 2000
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Nothing kills a love and a marriage faster than an un-reciprocated Plan A.
I could have an affair and he wouldn't CARE. He's even said so. .... then break up with your boyfriend he's wrong for you --- NOT a match
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Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 254
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my boyfriend? Break up with yours first 
This life and this love are the stories we write
We are free to write the truth, or lies or to tear the pages
To cherish, and erase, rewrite and start over
Mate it better, make it stronger, plot twists and
the impossible happiness that comes from unexpected love and forgiveness
Make it up as we go along, to have faith in the story
And never ever, ever give up – no matter what
Or to leave the book on a park bench in the rain
and walk away, saying how sorry we were
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Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 254
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OP
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Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 254 |
Make him miss you by going out and having fun. that would be great except that he won't miss me
This life and this love are the stories we write
We are free to write the truth, or lies or to tear the pages
To cherish, and erase, rewrite and start over
Mate it better, make it stronger, plot twists and
the impossible happiness that comes from unexpected love and forgiveness
Make it up as we go along, to have faith in the story
And never ever, ever give up – no matter what
Or to leave the book on a park bench in the rain
and walk away, saying how sorry we were
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Joined: Oct 2007
Posts: 11,245
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Joined: Oct 2007
Posts: 11,245 |
that would be great except that he won't miss me So what? In the meantime, you'll be having fun. That's the point, raven. Do this for YOU, not him. You can't control how he feels. But you CAN take care of yourself.
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Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 254
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Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 254 |
Quite true...
If i get the chance this week, i'm going to be able to go out at least three times and have fun. He's welcome to join me or not, his choice.
This life and this love are the stories we write
We are free to write the truth, or lies or to tear the pages
To cherish, and erase, rewrite and start over
Mate it better, make it stronger, plot twists and
the impossible happiness that comes from unexpected love and forgiveness
Make it up as we go along, to have faith in the story
And never ever, ever give up – no matter what
Or to leave the book on a park bench in the rain
and walk away, saying how sorry we were
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Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 254
Member
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OP
Member
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 254 |
180
Last edited by raven11; 09/25/08 12:14 AM. Reason: 180
This life and this love are the stories we write
We are free to write the truth, or lies or to tear the pages
To cherish, and erase, rewrite and start over
Mate it better, make it stronger, plot twists and
the impossible happiness that comes from unexpected love and forgiveness
Make it up as we go along, to have faith in the story
And never ever, ever give up – no matter what
Or to leave the book on a park bench in the rain
and walk away, saying how sorry we were
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Joined: Oct 2007
Posts: 11,245
Member
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Joined: Oct 2007
Posts: 11,245 |
Why do you continue to suck up to someone who clearly doesn't respect you or want you? Time to respect yourself and kick him out. You said you wouldn't, but he said he would participate. So he's not keeping his promise.
Last edited by catperson; 09/25/08 09:09 AM. Reason: spelling
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Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 558
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Why do you continue to suck up to someone who clearly doesn't respect you or want you? Time to respect yourself and kick him out. You said you wouldn't, but he said we would participate. So he's not keeping his promise. Exactly....Why would you want someone that treats you like this???? Why would you want to honor your promise to him to not kick him out, when he is not honoring his promise to you to make you the most important thing in his life??? You're not married to him, and believe me that from the sound of is, you don't want to be. The dating stage should be the best not the worst. KICK HIM TO THE CURB.....and find someone that will treat you and love you the way that you deserve to be.
Me46
FWH42
Married 19 yrs
EA 4/07 - 4/08
(Confirmed by polygraph that it had not gone PA)
Dday1 4/13/08
Dday2 8/8/08
S26
S16
D10
Trying to Recover
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