Jayne,

I just had to reread the thread to make sure I had the history right. It seems that her WH has already left and come back once, then left again. Now we have this song and dance about how this is not a good time for him to leave OW.

Rumor has it, he is just stalling, jerking VL around while he siphons money from the household. My feeling is the D papers made him realize "cheaper to keep her" so he is going to give VL the same old song and dance that made her cave last time.

I get what your saying about letting him come home and planAing to get him to agree to NC. But it seems VL has already BTDT.

I don't know your whole story but if he's SERIOUS, he needs to do the NC LETTER.

It shouldn't be a problem for him.

Yes I did Plan A before - things weren't great - then of course we fell off the wagon because I found out he didn't end his A - he moved out again (twice) - this time he got an apartment instead of living with the OW. Then I gave him my PBL and file for "D" to protect our assets.

He cried yesterday and said "Sorry" many times and ask me to forgive him. But we are due in court this Thurs so I couldn't drop the court date - I think we both have to appear regardless - he got angry about it that's why he said he's going to get a lawyer. But he still wants to work on our relationship and we are supposed to talk again tomorrow night about the NC issue and what it will take to restore this marriage.

So I guessed I will have to wait for tomorrow and see whether he's willing to meet everything - then if he's willing to move back - then continue to proceed to PLan A and work on marriage with MB concepts. Yes it will definitely make a difference for him to see that I've changed

I don't want him on board with MB yet until I feel that he's very sincere with me because I heard there can be many false recovery correct?

Ummmmmmmmm......WhatEVAH!! :RollieEyes:


And WhatEVAH!! :RollieEyes:

Don't let him give you the runaround, Sue.

Stick to your PBL guns!!

Charlotte

:RollieEyes:

Yeah, he cried. You just want to watch out. You already bean tru' dis before, Senora. Why don't you call your attorney and ask his opinion?

Charlotte

Yeah I might do that because I need to let my lawyer know what we discussed here so he won't be caught off guard. I have to meet him anyways before we are scheduled to appear court.

Although H apologized to the girls yesterday - he took them out and spent time with them. My youngest one wouldn't talk to him at all for the first 2 hrs. My oldest one cried and asked him why did he break up our family? Why don't you like mommy anymore?

I don't want to get hurt again - H has done it many times to me and this is it!!!!! For me and for my daughters.

Ok, I stand corrected. Thanks!

No matter what, you are absolutely correct in NOT bringing him to MB until you are definitely in recovery. You need to be able to get confidential advice here.

I'm sorry if the OW has cancer but that is her problem and nothing to do with you or your M. H needs to write NC letter as his obligation is to you, not her. If he had never met her, she would still be going through cancer and she needs to get over him sometime. When is a good time? If we left it to WSs, it would NEVER be a good time!
As for his getting angry, that shows he's not getting it or willing to accept ownership of his responsibility in this whole thing. It sounds insincere and immature to me. Until he is willing to FULLY commit to your M, I would stay dark. He needs to realize you need to look after yourself and you and his children, and his threatening to not let you have a penny shows he's not accepting responsibility to his children, let alone you. I'd continue with things legally until such a time I'd see a demonstrated change and commitment.
If he truly hated to throw away 14 years together, then he shouldn't behave like he has been behaving.
Talk's easy...change takes more effort.

VL,
Just wanted to check in on you.

Well he got served and he's really angry at me and takes everything so personal. On the "D" papers - there are standard precautions such as no drinking, no physical harm, no hiding the children, etc... and he's saying to me why I accused him of beating me or drinking in front of the kids, etc.... I didn't accused him and tried to explain to him it's just standard precautions.

My emotion is like a tidal wave. I'm fine one day and a wreck the next.

I don't know how someone can go through these emotions. It's hard to stay dark but you have to communicate with him about the kids, financial matters, etc.. And I have to appear court and see him. It's ssooooooooo hard.

You can do it. I know there are others here who have kids that can advise you so you can get that part of it set up and stay dark.

And yeah, I got the anger and the accusations, too. He'll cool off.

Charlotte

Well - I don't understand my H at all - can someone relate to my situation here please????? One day he wants to work on us - the next day he changes his mind.

He got to visit the girls this past Sunday and he went over to his parents to talk. His mom said he didn't say much except that he doesn't understand me at all - He was willing to work on us and then I still served him the "D" papers. Well he's still really angry at me for what I did. Said to his parents - if that's what I want a "D" - then he will accept the decision.

I took out a cash advanced from our joint CC to pay for the retainer for my lawyer and my lawyer advised me to take out additional cash to cover myself just in case given our situation until we go to court. Since I don't work & have no access to $$$$ at all - I didn't know what else to do (some of you know my story already) - the only way to protect our assets. Well my H got the statement and got really angry and said what I did was illegal and what my lawyer did was illegal.

It wasn't - I have a card that he gave me while back - now he said I have no rights to the CC and I never have a card - and he called the CC company and there is no card was issued to me. I told my lawyer and told me not to worry about it but it's my H that I am thinking about. I showed the CC to my lawyer and he knows about it.

I don't know what to do - my emotional wave is so unstable. It's not that I am staying in the dark - it's he who is staying in the dark. Do I just call it quit right now? I was planning on going to court and tell my lawyer to tell the judge that we are trying to work out our marriage but I am entitled to know what happened to our money.

Does anyone here been in this situation? Is there a Pro & Cons doing this? Can I tell my lawyer to tell the judge that? I don't want "D" my H but it was the only way to protect our assets.

You are in Texas, right?

Don't worry about the CC thing. Listen to your lawyer. It's your lawyer's job to make sure you get spousal and/or child support so you don't have to worry about taking care of yourself and the kids. Let him take care of that for you. That will be one less thing you have to worry about.

It sounds like your WH is undecided like a lot of the other WS's 'round here. Don't make any decisions based on his waffling. Get your financial situation secure and then take it from there.

And if he wants to talk about divorce, you say that "you don't do divorce", you do marriage. Repeat it over and over until you have it by rote.

Hang in there!

Charlotte

Yes I'm in TX - just like you Charlotte. I may not even get spousal support unless married for 10 yrs. We're going on our 9 yrs. I just don't understand him - Is he playing with me? He wrote a check to OW for $2,500. And I confronted him and he said to me - "Well did you know she wrote a check back to me" But normally bank don't keep a copy of checks we deposited only checks we write out.

I've been saying that to him - I don't do divorce - only marriage but his comment was then why did you file. I told him I had to do what I had to do to protect me.

I'm just afraid if we keep this D going on much longer with the lawyer and with him - he might just call it quit and just be done with it. He already told his parents that he has accepted my decision. If I want a divorce - he'll give it to me.

So I really don't know - how was your situation - did the divorce came through and you both went your separate ways - or did you both work it out at the end?

Is it possible to still work it out while we both are trying to work out the financial part? I'm really scare!

But they would have a record of a deposit, right? Even if he kept some cash back, any unexpected deposit would be noticeable. Or is he saying he just cashed the check and took the cash?

He didn't go into too much detail about it. And we just kept arguing more if I continued so I stop asking him. He may just say yeah he cashed it out when she wrote him a check and there will be no record of it.

So I don't know what to do anymore - right now I am just emotionally exhausted - I feel like I want to quit - to escape the pain - to escape all these unstable emotional roller coaster. But a part of me still love him so much - a part of me want my husband back - that I still think about him most of the time when he is not here.

And it breaks my heart when our daughters asked me when is daddy coming back. I don't know who to turn to except this MB forum. Because you can understand.

Dang, 9 years, so CLOSE!! But you are a SAHM so I would think that it is still a possibility. You'll get SOME kind of support for sure, with the kids.


And that was the correct reply to him, too.



You can withdraw your lawsuit at any time. Princess Meggy withdrew hers mere days before the final gavel. I wouldn't worry about what he told his parents, either. It's clear that he is waffling and doesn't really know what he wants.



Hon, we went back to court in May and my Shiny Attorney got the spousal support continued until November. I filed on November 1st of last year. Of course every case is different, but that's how mine is going. I was in Plan B until the judge broke it an ordered us to work together. Which was going fine until some alleged "health problems" on the part of WS-Gray that disallows travel. (Supposedly! I think OW-Slag had a LOT more to do with that than any health problems, but that's just me! Well, not really. There are others who believe the same thing.)



Yes, but you need to get yourself in a good place financially first. Then worry about the rest of it.

Charlotte

Sorry but What is SAHM? I meant to ask you Charlotte - Can I ask my lawyer to tell the judge that I would like to see if there's still a M between us and in the meantime continue this proceeding because I need to know where are all the money went because I need to know that he's been sincere to me about our financial aspect.

I brought up MC before but he refused and now I know why because the A never ended. Can the judge order us to see a MC in the meantime to see if the M is still worth savings? Do you know if I can do that?

Hi VL,

SAHM means "stay at home mom."

Yeah, you can ask your lawyer to do that but if you are worried that he judge will smack the gavel down right then and there and declare you divorced then don't worry about it. That's not going to happen.

It will take 6-12 months for the divorce to be final. It won't be until the property division is decided.

I've heard of judges ordering MC before. I don't know anyone personally who was in that scenario but I have heard of it. So anything's possible.

But for a temp hearing the judge will mainly hear both sides and then decide on support and how much. In our case, we went into a conference room and hashed it out first and then Shiny just read the results into the record, but I had Gray's b*lls to the wall because I asked Shiny to subpoena Slag and OWH for the temp hearing and that turned out to be a good move. (Thanks again to the MB'er here who suggested it!!) It didn't help Gray's case that he & Slag rode together and sat in the courtroom together while we were on the other side, OWH behind us with his cane because of his walking problems due to his MD.

It was kinda funny because Shiny's process server had been calling me off and on to talk and he was confused as to why they were being subpoenaed for the temp hearing!! I got the rundown from him after he served Gray with the divorce papers and after he served the subpoena's several days later. They were NOT happy campers!! (Except, OWH, he didn't mind.)

So don't worry. I know. It's hard not to worry. But try, anyway!!

Charlotte

Hello - I'm new here and just browsing the threads at the moment.
Just thought I could help with your question 'What's a SAHM?' = Stay At Home Mom.

All the best to you VL22