My first guess? She's protecting the A, or the memories of it.
It's a weird way of being "faithful" to the OM.

And she's doing THAT because either she's one of the following:
- still in contact
- not through withdrawal
- scaredto open herself up to intimacy w/you for fear it will fail

I think its a little of all 3.

We were on a family vacation last week and brought her computer. While she was playing online she started chatting with him. Right in front of me. Even had the nerve to tell me that his wife was pregnant.

I told her "Do you think I give a flying F***". Then after I calmed down I told her I would not be dating her if she talked to him. She said that "I thought you were OK with me talking to him while playing WoW." (Yeah right) So she agreed to stop talking to him even on WoW.

By all other accounts she has never talked to him since original NC in any other way.

I do def think she misses him. His myspace was on her Internet history.

And she has told me she is afraid of us failing and my changes not being permanent.

Glad to see your confidence level rising!! I don't recall, how long ago did you expose to the now pregnant BS? If your WW is still communicating during WoW, she can't defog. She can't concentrate on you while continuing to put energy into the OM, no matter how sparse the communication. She continues to set herself back to day one of WD. She's showing some real disrespect in chatting with OM right in front of you. Time to re expose. OM having a hormonally raging BS is a good thing for you. You can count on this gal to shut down all communication with your WW ASAP. As a bonus, she may just let WW know what she thinks of her. This talk of yur changes not being permanent I think is her continuing to justify what she was/is doing. Doesn't look like her changes are too permanent yet....hmmmm

Good luck. GF

He didn't.

Red
You guys ever consider giving the WOW the boot?? My kid was on that for about 6 months, not the most productive thing in the world and the storys really sucked too.

IMO.

I agree the amount of affairs that happened on WOW is unbelieveable. How can anyone let their WS continue to do WOW after D day?

This is exactly why there are pages and pages of members here telling you expose to OMW to prevent this from happening...

Your WW's WD clock has been set all the way back to day one and if you don't expose they WILL have contact again.

MMOGs are a very bad idea for marriage IMHO. My H was playing one a couple of years ago and we got rid of it after about two months as it was becoming a problem. They are highly addictive, they require a lot of the player's time, and defintely seems to be breeding grounds for A's.

Quote

By all other accounts she has never talked to him since original NC in any other way.


From all the info I've read this year, affairs are like iceburgs, WHAT you see is only a LITTLE BIT of whats going on underneath. The more you SEE, the more is hidden.

I CALLED OMW!!!

Here is how it went.

I called an OM answered

Me: "Hi is OMW there?"

OM: "Who is this?"

Me: "Brian with Citibank"

OM: "We dont have an account with Citibank"

Me: "I am calling about an account in your wife's name. I can only speak with her."

OMW: "Hello, this is OMW"

ME: "Hi sorry for the deception. My name is BS are you married to OM?"

OMW: "Yes"

Me: "You husband plays WoW under "x" name. My wife also plays WoW.

Your husband and my wife have had or are having an affair. I have phone records and emails. They have sent inappropriate messages to each other."

CLICK. OMW hangs up.

Ring ring. I call again. OM answers.

Me: "Hi this is BS"

OM: "Hey" (he knew me from WoW)

Me: "I just talked to your wife and told her that you and my wife had an affair."

OM: "How can you have an affair over the internet."

Me: "Well it was an inappropriate relationship. I have seen all the things you have said to each other. I have email and phone records to prove it. Please stop talking to my wife or I will continue to call your wife."

OM: "We have stopped talking."

Me: "That is a lie I was there last week when you told my wife that your wife is pregnant."

OM: "Please leave my wife alone. I hope you and your wife work it out."

Click. OM hangs up.

We are playing it together now. It as become Rec Companionship. I am willing to give it up. I dont think she is for now. We have actually had fun together playing it.

Should I tell my wife that I called? I really dont think she would find out if I didnt, but I dont want to seem dishonest.

I wouldn't tell her immediately, she will spin into a damage control mode with OM. He will contact her, she will confront you, you will in turn, ask her what part of NC with OM she doesn't understand. You will have to stand your ground with her and firmly state that YOU are standing for your marriage for both of you and you are insuring that the trespassing OM will stay out of your marriage. The rule is simple, he stays out of your world or you are coming into his. Great decision GF

YAY, Big Red!!!

I am SO proud of you!!

Telling the truth is ALWAYS the right thing to do, and it feels great, too!!

I'm not surprised she hung up on you. She will be WATCHING him now! GOOOOOOOOOOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Charlotte

BFR, I have also been reading your posts. We do have quite a bit in common. I don't feel I have enough experience to give you advice but we are dealing with a lot of the same crap right now.

You said the other day:

She wants this to work, but is afraid passion will not come back or was never there. She doesn't want to "settle."

When I hear these words it makes me crazy. My wife says word for word what yours said here. When she tells me that she shouldn't have to settle it just pushes some buttons with me. You are right we are going through a lot of the same things.

I confronted her first OM over the phone, like you did to him and his wife tonight. My wife was livid that I did that. Stay away and let her go off. Making that phone call and then calling back was the best thing you could have done. You will see this in the next day or so. After I confronted that POSOM in my situation he sent my WW a text telling her it wasn't worth it.

Having the balls to stand up for yourself is the hardest thing here. I am still having trouble with it. I am not the model for standing up for myself but I am doing my best. The last thing I want is to D. I am now taking care of myself and preparing for the worst. I am really trying to listen to these people, as you should too. They have been here and know what you are dealing with. It's hard but everything they have told be has proved true or worked out so far.

I will continue to keep up on your post.

She'll find out before you go to bed tonight, tomorrow morning the latest if OM can't talk because of the bleeding......

Thank you for the reply. Its good to know there are people going through the same thing.

Until I read your thread I thought she was avoiding contact because of my weight. I now realize its the withdrawal. Which gives me hope that I don't need to lose 40 more lbs to win her back.

And will someone please tell Introvert I exposes to OMW. Then he wont think Im such a wussy

LOL! Yeah, I was wondering if he was around or not. I wanted to look for him earlier but I figured if he was on he'd check on your thread. He wouldn't be able to help himself, IMO.

Charlotte