but here I am...

My husband just told me this Sat. that he was having an affair w/ a co-worker. He called it off a little over a month ago. He said it last about 5months and that he was with her 5 times in that span of time. He is not emotionally connect to her, it was just sex he said and he has no feelings for her. I am so torn. We was having problems yes, I have been having a difficult time having sex as it hurts and then a get bruises, I am not sure what is causing this but it wasn't so in the beginning but over the past 2 years have been getting worst and hence that have been lacking and has caused us to thrift apart. I was also starting to image having an emotional affair and started fantasying about being with an ex (who lives in the same state), but I wouldn't do it because I felt I didn't want to destroy my marriage but yet, HE went and did it. I did alot of crying asking questions, telling him he should have just come and tell me what was going with him and we could have tried other stuff. He has always being more of a quiet person. He said he would go after work and use to spend about 2 hours there.

Our relationship before I heard about it and after he was done with her was starting to get better, we did start to interact more and stuff, but he said he was feeling remorseful and struggling with telling me and sometimes I would ask him what is wrong because he would seem to be thinking about something but not saying anything. He confessed when we was in a car ride. I haven't been in one since with him. Today is going to be the first, he is comming shopping with me later. So know I have this to deal.

I am not sure if I am underreacting as I have forgiven him and we are spending alot more time together. We have even started to kiss (but not really anything big) and hugging(to an extent), that is as far as I could even think of going right now with as this is still new and thinking of taking a camping trip. I am wondering if have him do an STD test although we was together during those times also, he said he had it unprotected once. I am also pregnant, we didn't know until in Aug. and by then he was done with her. No one else knows and I prefer that no one else every know, we just want things restored. I am also looking into going to the dr/Naturopath for help about my problem too. I think I can get through this but it is just hard accepting the fact that he took off his cloths and was with another woman. This is not a what a marriage is suppose to be, aren't the vows that was made mean anything. But I also wonder if I was in that situation where I was seeing my ex every day if I would have slipped too, but it still doesn't excuse the action. Now that it is over I just want to move on. I am also more hurt that it was extended over 5months for some reason 5times in 1 month seems easier to handle. I don't even know what to think sometimes. I am just at home, leaving my toddler watch more TV than normal, and slowly doing stuff, waiting for him to come home so we can have more discussion and time to recovery.

I am still not sure how much of the sexual details I want to know, I know a few. It just seems like he was going to let off some steam and leave shortly after.

Thanks for reading if you got through this,

You just found out Saturday and you have already forgiven your H?

You should definetely get an STD panel although if I remember correctly you will get some testing done with your first OB appt. Not sure what they can and can't do while you are pregnant but push to move up the OB appt to ASAP. If the OW is a co-worker then H needs to get a new job unless she is leaving.

Expose. If your H just wants to use a woman for her body then what's to stop him from looking elsewhere? Having an affair is selfish and thoughtless. Don't just chalk it up to him "blowing of steam." With you being pregnant the sex isn't going to get any better as you already have said there are other factors affecting your sex life. The addition of another child is life changing as well. What will he do when he is stressed and wants to blow off some steam?

The positive sign is that your H confessed vs being found out. However, just wanting the A to go away isn't going to help either one of you. You both should do fill out the EN questionnaire and start from there. Take care of yourself and your baby.

Quite likely because the OW threatened to "out" him. I wouldn't put much weight on his confessing first to the A at all.

That's true. I revoke that statement. LOL

Hi,

He no longer works at that place. I also don't think she threated to out him, she doesn't know who I am and I don't know who she is. She also doesn't know where we live and would have no reason to 'out' him. There is also no way I would have found out as he was done with her and nobody else knew except them. I do believe he confessed on his own. I haven't actually told him 'I forgive you' yet, but I know I will so am already accepting it. We still have alot to talk about expecially the 'will you need to blow steam off again thing' and what will you do when you feel like that again.

How did yall go about it. I do find I am being more forgiven than others, although I question him every night about things and what he expects to happen and if he wants this to work. I also told him numereous things that he could have done instead, the last few days have been very indepth discussions that I am thinking of fewer and fewer things to ask. I am know to the point where I am more taking about our recover/futer with a few questions of his infidelity when ever they pop up.

So far he has been answering all my questions without hesitation also.

We have been together for 6 years and it was good. We use to talk alot, rarely argue, don't yell, fight, or call each other names. The last 2 years is when we started with this struggling it wasn't as bad but it just kept getting worst until we hit bottom and we was just starting to build it back. He said he just wanted to come clean about it because from here on he wants us to continue to work on this and he can only do that with the truth being told.

ANB,

Your H lied to you for months. You have no idea if he's telling the truth about anything other than he had an affair. If you don't even know who the OW is, how do you know he still isn't in contact with her?

We talked more last night he said that he got sick of himself and was tired of what he was doing. He said it wasn't hard once he got himself to that point as it was not emotional. He have been to his new work and home for days now, no where else. We have one car and I have it a couple times a week so I actually drop him off and pick him up. I check the timing when he should be home everyday. He has started to do alot more things with me/us. Beforewhen he got home he mostly use to go to the computer room or do other thing around the house. Now he just hangs out in the living room with me/us until it is time for bed, same in the mornings. The 2 times he went out shopping when I wasn't feeling well he took our 22month son and called a few times in between.

Before this he had started going out with his co-workers often, he said she was only there once and that is where they ended up talking more. The other times it is just with the guys. This new going out made it worst as he started spending less time with us/me. He never use to go out, he was always the guy that just stayed home. All of this going out also started a few months ago. We had talked about it after he started this going out and he started to stop going out as often and set a curfew for himself. He also said he never left the house or went on weekends by her it was always after work. He use to catch the metro to his former job and that is how he would end up by her house as they caught it once together.

Is it impossible for a WH/WW to be sorry and not go back if there was no emotions attached to the person. Is it possible to get to the point that you are sick with yourself and you don't want to continue on the path you are heading? I am definetly keeping my eyes open and we talked alot about what he did and should have done and should do in the future. He is going to read the articles I sent him on this site. This person that did these things is like a stranger to be and it is hard for me to grasp at times what he did, but I have decided to work it out and reading the articles on this site I am/will be tracking things.

The problems I am having now I am sure is fixable and was made worst my our situation. Reading some of the articles our needs wasn't being meet by each other(as they use to be) and because of that we started trifting apart. It is not like I didn't want to, but I just wasn't getting in the mood because of not having my needs meet and would do it out of obligation at times. And he wasn't spending the time he needed with me and having conversations. But those things still doesn't excuse what happened and we have talked almost everyday about it. I do have an appt. with the dr. to figure out what is going on and what causes the bruises even with lub, I have put this off for a long time as I was not use to drs. I didn't grow up going to them and just taught they will just medicate me or wouldn't be helpful, I don't even use drs./obs when for my births. Pregnancy doesn't lower my mood, it is actually creating one it seems like for a week now all I want is to have sex, I guess it is good that I have a dildo which I got to see if I just needed practice to help penetration be easier but found out it was actually bruising down there(sorry TMI). Right now WH/FWH said that he just wants us to concentrate on getting back to where we are and going to the dr.