I don't know how to live everyday with this feeling of no trust. Every day I feel like he's lying. I feel like he talks to her when he's at work. There's no way of knowing for sure. It kills me. I don't know how I can have a marriage like this. It could be all just paranoia but it's the result of his lying. I wanna just plant a bug on him someehere so I can spy on him all day. Then I'd know. Other than that I feel like I'm in the dark and hating it. His words to change are meaningless right now. Even his actions. Even htough he's trying to prove himself to me, I feel there is always a way to be fooled. I was soooooo fooled. I didn't see any of it. Even when he said he stopped talking to her, he was talking to her all the time. I didn't even catch it. I hate this feeling. It sucks.

Betrayedmomof2-

First off, I'm very sorry for your pain.

I'd like to suggest that you write up one thread, with your whole story on it, and stick to it. You've been around for a week, and started eight threads now... it is hard for people to keep track of who you are and your story if you keep creating new threads. I'm not necessarily one for saying that people should only have one thread and one thread only (I've had a few myself)-- but especially in the beginning, having one thread with everything and all of your questions will help people keep track of who you are and your story, and give better suggestions. And you are more likely to get people that "stick with you" and your story, as opposed to having a ton of different threads.

Just a suggestion. Multiple threads doesn't bother me personally (it does some others on this board), but I know that sticking to one thread will help in terms of getting support/help from the experts on this board.

E,

Do they work together? As long as they work together, every day he goes there you will have to worry and wonder if today is the day. That is because he will NEVER WITHDRAW and could easily resume the affair when the temptation arrives. You will never recover under these conditions. Only complete and total NO CONTACT will suffice.

Why would you choose to live like this? HAve you explained to him that your marriage can only recover if he leaves that job?

Betrayed-

Your husband earning your trust takes time. A Long time. It took about 18 months for me. And I still don't trust him 100%. Also, my trust is a new, healthy trust-not the blind trust I once had for him.

What are you doing to heal yourself from this? You need to begin to heal yourself from this, or your life will be come as unmanagable as his was. You need to heal yourself so that you can trust yourself to begin to know when something is off and when things are OK.

Please, find a counselor for yourself or look into COSA (Codependants of Sex Addicts). If you do get professional help, please find a counselor that deals with sex addiction. COSA is free, and you'll get lots of support from other women going through the same thing as you.

You need to begin to work through your issues with this whole situation rather than your husbands. You both need to be selfish and take care of your own needs first while he's in the early stages of sobriety. He has to do the same.

I just want to point out that she will never trust her husband as long as he continues to see the OW every day. Nor should she.

Yes, but her husband is also a sex addict. Sex addiction is a family disease like alcoholism. No matter what her husband does or doesn't do, she needs to heal from this. I think that it's been mentioned on the site that addiction is a bit of a different matter than simply having an affair. That Plan Aing it won't work when addiction is involved.

I'm not saying she should trust her husband. Even if he does stop contact with OW.

I'm trying to say, that's normal, expect the trust to take a long time to come back, and expect to never trust him like she once did. I'm guessing that her trust issues aren't only from the affair. The long-term lying from the addiction has also not helped.

I'm suggesting that she take care of herself so she doesn't get further wrapped up in the addict/codependant cycle. I'm suggesting she work on herself, to begin to develop her self esteem again and to gain inner peace.

I'm also trying to suggest, with hard work on both their ends (if they both choose), that sexual addiction IS something that can be worked through in a marriage.

Sorry. I understand. I just have certain issues that I thought would be best for separate posts. I think some people look at the post title and read based on that. I understand what you're saying though.

He does not work with her. She works down town though. I know they must've met a lot on his lunches and he called her all the time. My biggest fear is that he still calls her or emails her from his work. It's untracable that way. I could just be paranoid but that's the result of his lying. I have spied on him a few times and so far everythings cool. He assures me he's done with her but it's hard to believe it 100%.

My heart goes out to you. I feel this way sometimes, too. I am accepting that this will just take time, so I am giving it my best shot and I am trying to trust what he says because his actions are now backing it up.

Good luck.