This is kinda long my appologies in advance, Sorry if you already read this too I accidently posted it in the wrong place my brain isn't really working the best at the moment.... but I would appreciate a little advice/support/something.... I just don't know what to do or to think at the moment....

I have been married now for only 9 months 3 months of which were spent in different countries due to the changes we were going through. However I have been w/ my husband for almost 5 years now.

We have always had a bit of a rough relationship due to alot of my issues includeing insecurity issues, depression, abandonment issues, and lying. I am not proud of these problems and have been to consuling and at one point was put on anti-depressants for a breif period which i am also not proud of. My now husband encouraged me to no longer need the medication and I have not took it for a long time, however it was the only time I felt normal. I would guess this is mostly history and not what really leads me here today though.

My husband is fed up with me and my inability to tell the truth as well as my anger. I have been really working on this the best I know how. But I lied to him again about where I was, not infidelity, Its just he doesn't like me at our mutual friends shop (i.e. in public) without him there, because he doesn't see it as appropriate, and considers the person his friend only. The guy is married and after meeting my husband has become like a big brother to me, it isn't romantic. I know I shouldn't lie, or should just not do it to appease my husband. But he has female friends and thinks it is find to spend time with them without me there (I am fairly sure it is not sexual it is in public places)

Anyhow, he wants to leave and this time it isn't a talk or bluff I don't think. I am overseas due to a death in the family and he bassically said you can use your return flight in two weeks to pick up your stuff under two conditions, you have a flight back home booked for withing 4 days of your arrival AND you come with divorce papers, or you don't come back and when he comes he will bring what he can of my stuff.

I truely want our marriage to work and wish we would both work at it, however, it is always my fault and what I did and I am feeling a bit beat down. I acknowledge my mistakes, and want to fix my problems, yet I also want to fix my marriage and the relational problems we have. I don't actually believe it is all my fault on an intilectual level, however, I have been made to feel that it is all my fault and he has no part. When I have tried to work on things with him in the past I get..."I did that but you did this and therefor what I did was justified."

I am sorry if that sounded a bit like a ramble I just feel really lost and sick and too many things and really don't know what to do right now, and needed something from someone out there because my circle of friends is basically non-existant and I don't feel I can go to my family with this.

Well,it sounds like he has one set of rules for you and another set for him. If he doesn't want you at the friends house then he should not have female friends. It's that easy.
Go back on your meds. They helped you. You shouldn't be off of them because HE says so.
Would he consider MC? Can you go to IC? Lying is a sign of insecurity,I believe. An IC can help you with that.
Your marriage is going to take A LOT of work. But he has to take ownership too. He made you go off your meds. He has female friends but you can't have a male friend. Don't let him bully you. He has ownership in this too.

I know our marriage needs ALOT.... probably more like what ever comes beyond ALOT..... but I didn't get married thinking it would be all peaches and cream and we would do nothing but stare blissfully into each others eyes as if it was the first time we met.... I know marriage is hard and can be a bit messy, and some days you might wake up and want to kill each other.... But you stick things out... I wanted to be married once in my life, and I gave up alot to start this marriage because I love him, I do not like the thought of us not even being able to make it a YEAR let alone a LIFETIME.....

Part of him haveing a different set of rules is I think cultural, he was born and raised in the middle east and so I recognize it and thus we end up argueing over that.... We also have a 14 year age difference which I soupose adds to the problems to some extent.... But I do not accept all of his double standards, I do some thins out of respect for him and the counrty we were in but not when they follow me home too....

As for insecurity, I know I am and I suppose I could look into going to IC (once I figure out exactly what that stands for), but I know where it stems from and have been dealing with that since I had some very long term relationships go VERY VERY sour...

As for him considering anything I doubt it... I drug him to one of my counciling sessions once and he griped quite a bit about how counciling is basically garbage but that if I needed someone to talk to I should keep going... I have also bought books and workbooks excetra and tried to get him to use them with me but most of them are either wholy or at minimum 1/2 read by me and he never touches them, even if I leave them out or sugest we do them.... And I try to use what I can think of and remember but once things start to get a bit heated I loose it especially since I feel like he is not doing the same and I try to keep calm but some times I fly off the handle....

Also about him considering.... right now all he is considering is the D word and I would suppose at the moment it beyond considering... and is giving me two options, neither of which I really want to accept and it really hurts.... and I don't know what to do... I am trying to talk with him through e-mail at the moment since we are on different sides of the globe and I keep getting the same respose of "I need to know which choice you picked"

IC means Independent Counseling,going by yourself.
Our problems were cultural to some degree. My H is Italian. His family is steeped deep in the Italian culture. His father was a nice man but very domineering to his Mother. She was not even allowed to speak at the supper table. It drove him crazy that I did but he said nothing.
My H once had a violent temper. I believe this was because his father did AND because he was allowed to rage as a child. He was not taught to respect his Mother and was just horrible to her.
When we had our son,it was pure hell with him. He told him he did not have to listen to me,did not have to show me respect and encouraged our son to disrespect me. He would make fun of me to my son. I had a very,very hard time with my son. Even taking him to a store was a nightmare because he would not behave. I had to literally drag him out of the store when he threw fits because I would not let him buy something.
I look back now and it's a wonder we have made it as far as we have. And it's only because he finally cared enough to get help. He told me during a session he saw I was close to a nervous breakdown. Well,yea.....I'm being thrown out doors,having my things broken,being yelled at. My H is a huge man,6'5". I am only 5'2". I asked him once when he threw me down if it made him feel bigger to pick on someone so much smaller then him. That got me thrown across the room.
He even danced suggestively with a woman once and smiled at me the whole time. That's when I started taking control. Dancing with her like that netted him a 6 month separation and he was frantic,thinking I wouldn't do it.I did.
This is called hatred of women and domination. Just yesterday,he made a big deal about buying me a pair of sunglasses. He drives a lot and his glasses are very important to him. Well,they are nice but when I didn't get super excited about them,he started what I call "revving up". He leaned in close and spoke through clenched teeth that I was ungrateful and tried to hold my arm. I looked at him,his hand and him again and he backed off and said,"Sorry". I walked out of the store while he paid. He knew what it meant. We see our MC this Thursday.
It takes constant work with men like this. I'm only with him because he tries.
What are the choices he wants you to pick? This is very controlling behavior. I'm really feisty and tried very hard to stand up to my domineering H. Counseling has shown me how.
But I feel for you. Men like your H are hard to deal with and you have to understand it may be impossible to get through to him. I do know that an antidepressant helped my H's temper a lot.
My life isn't perfect but we BOTH try. If your H wants it all to come from you,things will never get better.
Also,don't feel like it's wrong you should be on antidepressants. If they help you,why not? Because HE says you can't take them? Sounds like HE might need them too. There was the biggest change in my H 2 months after he started on one.
You are afraid to stand up to him. I understand that. I think you lied about where you were because you are afraid of your H. I know that feeling too.
Go to counseling by yourself. It may help you see you don't need this in your life or how to go about hopefully saving your marriage.

..how Middle East are you talking about? Is he a practicing Moslem? Did you convert?
There are differences...yes. The cultural one...is the crucial obstacle.
*oops*

Second that.

He is a practicing muslim, however he is not strict in his practice and is somewhat americanized since he lived here for 14 years. I have not converted but have practiced aspects of it with him if they fit into my belief system and I can find them agreeable. However, there are asspects of the religion I can not accept that are some of the foundations of the faith and can not have questions answered to suit my beliefs to even consider converting. He knows my position on this and has never tried to convert me or push religious issues with me, he has answered questions that I have to the best of his ability and always supported me with my religious decisions and allowed me to make them of my own free will.

As for the double standards I have spent the last 4 months in the middle east with him, and I do not know all the customs and do not want to offend anyone there or embarass him in some way... And there for do things in a way that is seen as acceptable there, such as not being out at night alone or groups of women being out all night, and various other things that are apparently "just the way things are there". And for some things I feel that I am more in tune with than he is.... For examply if I am going to be around conservative women I dress more conservativly (I do not think it is appropriate to show up in capri pants and a short sleeved tee shirt when other women are wearing hair covers and full length coats). The country is fairly moderate though and I do not cover my hair, and I do wear tee shirts and capri pants and what not, but not alone and not in certian places. But when I came back to the U.S. I did not ecpct that the reason that I was not to hang out with our mutual friend (who was his friend fist and is also middle eastern from decent, but american by behavior) would be that it is not culturally acceptable....

As for counciling I have been by my self to a couple different people one I went to was at my college guidance center she had me go to a second person on my next visit and I found the person absolutly ridiculous and somewhat demeaning and a complete waste of my time, so I didn't return to see her and went to someone who i assumed had more experience and he was better however I think two months or so going and didn't get a whole lot of anywhere. And I have read self help books and self help books and I do really well for awhile and then as something happens that just causes me to loose my temper or start talking in a way that I know is the worng way.... But I do plan to look into counciling again, perhaps this time with a pastor...

Thank you guys for your responses....

Thank you guys again for your comments, due to the choices he gave me and some advise from a friend, I have decided that I will not go back overseas. I can not make him want to try, and I can not do it alone and 4 days and alot of money spent to travel there is not going to be enough time to accomplish much, and he doesn't want me back.... sooooo.... I guess looking for a way to save our marriage was a bit of a waste of time.... Although I suppose if and when I am ever concidering taking such a step again (which at the moment I doubt, but I suppose that is suposed to change in time), I will start out on the right foot...

I have however decided to try counciling again, start taking my medication again, find a divorce support group, get a job again and go grad school.... So hopefully this will get me through this tough time....