For the past several years of my marriage, actually since the birth of our child, my husband's parents have been wrecking havoc in my life and our marriage.

We are currently at a point where I no longer feel comfortable with my young son being around my in-laws, at least not in their home. My husband and I got into a huge argument as his parents' home and he asked me to leave. Naturally, I was going to take our son, as I'm the primary care-giver. The argument escalated, but only in volume. My D and I have never been physically aggressive towards one another.

My FIL decided to call the cops on me, because he was concerned that I was "unstable" at the time of the argument. I have never been a drinker, smoker or under the influence of anything. Ultimately, the cops never came, but I expressed that while I do not expect our son from his parents, I don't want him in their home again. I do not feel comfortable with my son in an environment where I cannot remove him without fear of the cops being called on me.

My husband has made excuses for his parents behavior and admits that his step-father was "wrong" for calling the police, but I have never received an apology, nor do I want one. I simply request that he not take my son to their home.

Rather than my husband supporting me, he always asks if it will be ok to take my son to see his folks at another local relative's home, but when he asks, it's more out of formality.

My MIL feigns illness to get sympathy and to get my husband to feel pity for her. She is the picture of perfect health...up until the moment things don't go her way. She's always in a "fragile state," but always manages to drive herself to ER.

I have discussed my feelings with my husband ad nauseam. I'm at the end of my rope, with regards to this situation.

I have to ask, am I being unrealistic by expecting my husband to support me on my decision?

No. Once you marry, you have your OWN family. Parents, etc. should now become second-level priorities. It is your H's job to defend YOU, not his parents.

Ok...thanks for confirming that. I thought that I perhaps was looking at this all wrong, but I feel EXACTLY the way you feel. That's the way I was raised - you get married - you create your own family.

Wow! And I thought only women did this to their husbands!! My wife puts her old friends and her parents/siblings in front of me, too. She is always on the phone with them... so I have to fight them to talk to HER.

Good luck to you... as one on the receiving end of this, myself, I know it is not easy to deal with.

Well, you've enlightened me as well. I thought that only men did this to their wives. So I guess, it's just a matter of a person who has a different perspective of what marriage and family mean.

Have you talked to your wife? If so, any results?

Do you mind giving more details about what you were arguing about? Calling the cops on you seems a little over the top, and I don't blame you at all.

For some reason, after our son was born the dynamics changed, drastically. However, things became intolerable when we moved closer to his parents. While I had always had a good relationship with his mother and step-father, I draw the line with regards to raising our son.

I had been teaching our son to read. My H and I had an arrangement that he would be more supportive, with regards to disciplining our son and I would oversee his studies.

On the day of the huge "blow up" I had been trying to give my son his reading lesson. I tried several times and then realized that since we were visiting our in laws and had a friend with us, it would have been better to wait until we were home. So, I closed the book, called it a day. Naturally, our son began to scream and cry and then H took him into another room.

When they came out, my son said, "I'm ok now Mom. We're going to do my reading lesson now."

I wasn't angry, or annoyed, but pointed out that I had gone the rounds with the rascal and we would just save the lesson for when we're at home. I also pointed out that I was the one who had been giving him his lessons and we were too far along to explain how things work. (There's a method to my teaching).

H said, "Well, I don't see what's wrong with me giving him his lesson. We're a team, aren't we?"

I replied, "No..." but before I could finish with, "not with regards to his reading lessons." H had already taken offense and the weekend fiasco began.

Things just escalated from there. However, I have had to content with a lot of interference from H's family and I'm just trying to find the courage to move on.

Is there any possibility you could move away from his parents? I know EXACTLY what you mean. My ex and I moved close to his mom to help her out and it was all downhill from there. He became more like a son and less like a husband.

I applaud you for teaching your son to read. I taught both of mine starting when they were 3 - didn't use any program, just flash cards and books that I made. They both went into school knowing how to read and excelling in reading.

Unfortunately, we are here for a while. H has a business, so he cannot just pack up and move. Which means, that I probably can't either, without a fight anyway.

You are so right about becoming a son, and less like a husband.
I see you say, "ex." I assume, things didn't work out, huh? What has me torn is my Christian values. I really do not want a divorce, but emotionally we live separate lives.

You taught your children to read too? Awesome!

We started when he turned 3 and I had a goal to have him reading 1st grade level before he returned to preschool this September. I met my goal. I intend(ed) to homeschool, but will have to go back to work when we separate. I pray I can get my little boy in a decent school.

Hopefully you won't have to seperate. I want you to copy and paste your post to the emotional needs section. The folks there are so good at teaching you to change so that your spouse will have to change too.

I taught both of my sons to read before they hit kindergarten. They are both excellent readers and scored extremely high in the tests for college in reading and comprehension. And being a good reader helps them out from the start in all of the other subjects.

They are in their twentys now. Basically I made my own flash cards with pictures, and wrote my own stories that were phoenetically correct. They greatly enjoyed the time spent learning with me.

I'll take your advice and post in the other section. Sometimes others can see the situation better than those of us involve in it.


Wow!! You're kids are in their 20s?! That's awesome! Yes, you are so right that early readers do well, all around. I am a huge fan of academics, in general, so hopefully, I'll keep my little fellow excited and stimulated

I do not think you were wise to cause a scene in the first place. YOU do not get to decide unilaterally that the kids will not see their grandparents. If your husband does not agree with your logic, do not expect him to support your decision.

This should have been a joint decision and not one that you should be able to thrust on your husband. POJA anyone???

I just happened upon this site, and I'm in a similar situation as you, as far as H putting "Mommy" before me and DS.

I hope everything is getting better for you. My ? is, how do you get H to understand this??:

Its killing our marriage!

You set logical, fair boundaries. Fair to you and your spouse. If they have a close tie to their parents, you have to respect that. However, you also have to stand firm that your nuclear family (you, spouse, kids) will come first from now on. And you will have to back it up with predetermined actions that show you are serious and will not go along. "If we visit your parents and your mother gives baby food I don't want him to have, I will respectfully excuse myself, and take baby home. I'll come back for you later." Something like that; and you have to agree to it beforehand.

This is called POJA - the two of you MUST come to an agreement; it can't continue to be you fighting for what you want, and him caving to his parents all the time, and you not agreeing together on how to raise your kids.