I had my d-day three years ago this week.

I read this site religiously, though I did not post. My FWH is an IT professional and I was unsure if he was cyber stalking me.

I plan A'd my butt off. It helped, but not enough to end the affair.

Six months after d-day, I made the arrangements and began to implement plan b. I couldn't live with him anymore while he was with another woman - I was beginning to hate him and myself. Just the actions of setting up my plan b scared my husband into ending the affair and recommitting to the marriage.

The next year was super hard - and many times I felt like throwing in the towel. Honestly, if not for our young son, I may have washed my hands of the mess. Recovery is such hard work.

Two years later - my marriage is the happiest it has ever been. I have regained all the love and trust for my husband that I lost plus ten times that.

I am posting this because when I had my d-day I was in such pain I thought I might actually die from it. Seeing the success stories on this site may have actually saved my life. They certainly saved my marriage. I hope this post can make just one person feel better or give just one person some hope.

It is hard. It is worth it.

ellein

Glad to hear your success story and see that individual and marital happiness is possible after an A.

I can completely relate to "physical" pain of D day and can see how "unberable" it seemed to physically survive. I felt like my insides were being ripped open and that my body would certainly cease to exist from the pain alone.
I am proud (and amazed) that I am still standing and kudos to you for doing the same.
Good luck and I hope your happiness continues

Thank you for posting this, it gives me hope.

Congratulations!

It's so wonderful to hear from folks who have been there, done that. Thank you for posting this.

The marriage really CAN get better. Better than the old one, even.

Thank-you so much for posting this, it is very encouraging!

You said the first year was super hard and I can certainly relate to that. I am wondering when you began to feel like you do now?

ellein, it's nice to hear from one of the successes who wasn't able to post during their recovery process.

That is wonderful news!

I'm sure that your post is needed by someone who also isn't able to post at this time and I'm glad that you posted it.

Btw, there is a thread somewhere of success stories (started by Ace in the Recovery forum, I believe) if you want to add yours.

Take care and enjoy your recovery!

Thank you x

After 14 months of wh going back to ow and each time i found out he finished it, Just found out fo the 5th time, now 5 days into plan B and he still doesn't know what he wants.
I really don't think I can take him back (presuming he wants that one day) but never say never!

Congrats ellein. With all the failures in M's these days, it is nice to see a success story.

Bump..for ENCOURAGEMENT to others...

TryingToLetItGo:

I am not able to pinpoint exactly when I started to feel better about my marriage. It just seemed like the triggers started coming less often, and suddenly I would realize I hadn't thought about the A in days.

Also, when I noticed that bad feelings towards my husband or the marriage were creeping up, I was also able to notice how our behaviors were reverting to old form. It was as if the high emotions settling down a little allowed me to look more logically at the situation and problem-solve instead of just react.

One HUGE difference came in reference to my husband's job. He had been traveling heavily that first year for work (gone 3 out of 4 weeks). I realized that his being gone so much was making me feel isolated and anxious. So, he talked to his boss and cut his traveling WAY down. (He has been gone one week in the last 4 months.)

This made me feel MUCH more secure in my marriage. 1) because he wasn't gone so much; and 2) because he made this gigantic change in his lifestyle to accommodate me and my feelings. That was probably the turning point for me.

If he hadn't cut his traveling down, I am pretty sure we would still be together and recovering. I am also sure, though, that it sped the process up considerably - it honestly allowed me to start letting him back into my heart.