Read what you said. "Instead of helping him."
Isn't ironing his clothes helping him?

Here is something to keep in mind:
"Poor planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on my part."

If you are generally in charge of laundry, then a few days before the trip you might say "If you want any thing cleaned before you trip you should make sure it is in the hamper."
Otherwise, see above.

What I meant was instead of helping with the car repair; MrCat thinks that whatever project he is on is the one the whole family should be on. But I get your point.

Well, What would Dave and Sharon do? They'd put it in the Emergency fund so that when Murphy comes knocking, you can pay him to go away.

Okay, so maybe being able to quote Dave Ramsey verbatim is not a charming trait, but I'm addicted to the show. I love Fridays, and hope to call in soon. Plus, Dave has helped me resist the allure of a pair of $300 shoes marked down to $120 when I had just gotten paid.

I still do stupid, but not so big nor so often.

Thanks, Greengables. I was kind of thinking that. I can't go forward with the program until I have that $1000, so if this would get me there, the program will (hopefully) show me how to get the bills paid off faster.

OMG! This is what I AM DEALING WITH!!

Cat - I have the 2007 edition. On page 101 it says "Before we get to Baby Step One, you will have to do one other thing. You will have to be current with all your creditors. If you are behind on payments, the first goal will be to become current."

So, if you're current, I would go ahead and put it in a starter emergency fund, but if you are arrears in your bills, I would use it towards that.

I didn't realize you were a writer. Excellante.

Soolee, I'm not in arrears, so I'll go ahead and put it in the emergency fund.

I'm so proud of D18. She received $50 each from her uncle and her grandma for her birthday Tuesday, and she told them she's putting it in the bank to help pay for books next year when she goes to college.

Yes, I agree, all your money that doesn't go to pay creditors or essentials like food should go toward the $1000 emergency fund. You can put in your budget that you want to save up for furniture or whatever you want to buy. But if you get that emergency fund first, you will feel so much better; then save up and pay cash for the furniture.

I'm doing Dave Ramsey too! We got the $1000 emergency fund several months ago. We are doing the debt snowball now with the credit cards. We had a schedule that would have everything (except mortgage) paid off by the end of 2008. Now with selling two houses and buying one, we might have money left over to get out of debt... or maybe we will get further in the hole... we'll see.

Maybe we should start a Dave Ramsey thread?

I was hoping you'd be able to do that,Cat. It helps to be on your way with that first step, I think. You're almost half way there!

H comes home from convention tomorrow morning.

Well, I put $300 in the account, and have a balance of $914. Almost there. Had to use the rest for D18's school expenses I wasn't expecting. Took D18 to far-off mall today to see old friend who lives near there. Splurged on towel rack for kitchen and container for all our plastic bags; after discount, $21. Oh, and $50 gift card for SIL who turns 50 Tuesday. My brother had a surprise party for her tonight at her favorite restaurant, but told me I couldn't bring D18 - adults only party, gag gifts, I said D18 has seen it all before, brother said no. So I said, 'well I don't think I can make it then.' He gave me the guilt routine yesterday for not coming. Talked to mom today, and she gave me the same guilt routine. But I didn't go. Maybe I'm being petty, to pay him back for the crap he pulled last Christmas; maybe I'm just choosing to finally take care of myself instead of doing what my family wants me to do. It was scary, but fulfilling. Although I feel bad not being there for SIL. But brother had said that we would have a family get together later, so I had planned to come to that instead of the surprise party. But when I brought that up last night, brother did the typical sigh, guilt crap. I wish I just lived on a desert island with a library full of books and perpetual food.

I had the weirdest nightmare last night. H, D18, friend and I went on vacation on an island; to place where there were crazy-a$$ storms going on, but we survived the storm. Then H told me to take the 'train' back to the town we came from. It was one of those fake kiddie trains that are big enough for adults, too. The train was broken, and he wanted me to fix it. I immediately stressed out, cos I didn't even know how to drive the train, let alone fix it. Well, I managed to get it back to the starting point, after some bad wrecks, and then freaked out cos I couldn't figure out how to fix it. All I could think of, was H was going to give me h%ll for not getting it fixed. The longer it took with no results, the more stressed I became.

Then, of all things, my old fiance showed up! The one I got the nerve to dump, and then went straight to H a month later. So I was talking to him, but worried the whole time that H was going to show up.

Finally got it working, but didn't get it back in time, and all I kept thinking was how late am I, will it work to get it back, will I be in trouble from H. Finally, sure enough, H shows up, embarrasses the h%ll out of me by blowing his stack. Don't remember what he did about ex-fiance, but I know that by the time I woke up, I was sick in my stomach. I was miserable for a good hour.

Cat - I've been woken up two mornings in a row now regarding car accident dreams. I'm hoping they aren't a premonition, but dreams are weird.

In my dream book, "If the train was standing in the station or on a side track, it forecasts an unexpected hitch or delay in your plans; otherwise, see Travel..."

Under Travel: A sudden substantial increase in status and/or income is forecast in a dream of traveling for pleasure. Other travel dreams must be interpreted by reference to the cause, means, and other details of the dream."

My take now is that the broken train meant you had a temporary change in your plan with that $400. You wanted to put it all in the emergency fund, but had to downgrade that to $300. You may have some concerns about your husband's dependence on you, and you could be feeling the weight of the responsibility for digging your family out of debt.

I also say - it's just a dream, Cat...continue with your plans for financial security, and as you build the fund and start working on the cc debt, those kinds of dreams will likely not be a problem.

Also wanted to say that a $50 gift card is quite generous, and is that something your husband would expect you to pay or something you might have been able to downsize without a big problem with him? Just curious if it's habit or something that he expected of you.

I think for many people it's often hard to say 'no' to family. Are you sure the only reason you said 'no' was because he wouldn't invite your daughter?

Hi Sooly, thanks for that stuff. I need to do some reading; that stuff is fascinating!

We typically give $25 to each other, but she turned 50 this time, so I wanted to make it special, you know? H doesn't really care how I spend my money, except when he has to bail me out, lol.

As for why I didn't go, did I tell you guys about last Christmas? How my brother up and left before the dinner I made because I had invited some other people who had no place to go? I think, since I've been doing all this self work, saying I may not go was partly my way of 'growing up' and standing up for myself with my family. My way of not always doing what they want or else I'd get their 'disappointment.' Gotta tell you, I was very nervous about not going, but also feeling guilty for not being their for SIL. However, in my defense, my B had said that we were going to have a separate dinner for just the family, so I had planned to go to that - with D18.

I don't know. It's complicated.

Cat, I think you were justified in not going, and that you should feel ok with making a decision to have this boundary. The fact that DD18 wasn't invited gave you a reason to not go, the previous incident gave you a reason to not try extra hard to go in spite of DD18's uninvitation, and the plans for the other alternative event meant that you weren't being rude.

*hugs*

Kudos on the almost complete DR Step 1!!!! You're going to feel sooooo good when you have that done.

Hi cat, you know I can understand how other people would have felt uncomfortable enjoying a sexualized environment and the gag gifts with your DD18 present. And I'm glad that you decided to participate in the family friendly one, it sounds like a kind choice not to involve yourself too much with judgmental folks. Remember that "hanging with the winners." If they don't plan a family thing, you can always take her out on your own, or a small group.

How's your self-care?

I haven't read the Angry Controlling Men book yet, it's next on my list, but I'm wondering if your B falls into that?

Thanks, guys.

No, he's not like that. He just knows he's right all the time. So if you don't do things the way he thinks they should be done he...feels sorry for you. Pats you on the head, verbally.

btw, D18 and I went to visit my mom yesterday, and everything was fine.

Oh, I splurged on a fancy nightgown and robe for when H got home, and was very attentive to him all day, even sitting on the couch and watching three hours of TV with him (ugh!), and he was very receptive. Even in a good mood! And loved the nightgown. I've never bought anything nice like that before - silky little black number - and it really made a difference to him that I was doing it. He even kissed me on the mouth this morning (big deal for him lately).

Cat - I have this older sister that I do love very much, but she's judgmental and very opinionated. On the flip side, she's also very insecure about what people think about her. I believe, to tell you the truth, that she has a personality disorder of some sort.

She proceeded about 2 weeks ago to interrogate me about how my husband treats me, and rather than blow it off and try to smooth things over,I asserted myself.

I asked her for examples, playing like I was confused. I honestly think my husband has improved a lot with this, and she was basing her statements on things from the past. She couldn't come up with anything.

I then gave her examples of some of the things she has said about her own marriage, and suggested that maybe she should concentrate on her own marriage, where she has the power to change things, rather than other people's business since she is prone to anxiety, etc. I said it nicely, and at the end reminded her that I wasn't mad at her and still loved her.

We laughed about it, and she admitted that I'd defended myself very well.

I have found, as I've gotten older, that a lot of my fears about confrontation were inflated.

Thanks, Sooly. That helps.

Hi all. I posted this on an Ike thread, but thought I'd put it here too.

Hi all, I'm alive! Thanks for thinking of me. No power, but we have hot water and a gas stove, so it's not completely miserable. Neighbor gives us a little juice off his generator for about 10 hours a day, but we still have no phone or internet or cable. I'm on now because our neighborhood set up a temporary generator to let us charge our cell phones and computers and give us wifi for a couple hours.

Don't go back to work til Monday, as our company has no power, either. They are saying up to 3 weeks for all power restored, but 75% should be up by next week. No school this week either.

Lots of neighbors helping neighbors. D18 keeps marveling at how nice everyone is. Waited 4 hours for gas yesterday, but several more stations have opened today (if they have no power, they can't pump the gas they have, so they're scrambling for generators). My H has a connection in his business to get permanent generators for the whole house, including air conditioners, so he's taking orders on our street. The ones everyone is buying now are only strong enough to power fridge, tv, a few other things. We also are having trouble finding ice to try to preserve our food. The stores are finally starting to open a few each day, but they are wiped out in supplies, both from before the storm and from all the food they had to throw out. Looks like a science fiction movie.

What else? Oh, for the locals, I'm northeast Houston, about half a mile from Lake Houston. Tons and tons of huge old trees, so we have extensive tree damage. We'll probably be last to get power, because we lost a lot of power poles from the trees falling on them. Lots of trees in roofs and on cars. My friends are in Clear Lake, but they all managed to avoid the high water from the storm surge.

My poor forest preserve behind my house looks naked; half the huge 50-100 year old trees are gone. So sad.

Guess that's it. I probably won't be back until I go to work next week. Hope everyone does well.

CAT! I AM SO GLAD TO SEE YOU! I am so happy that you're doing okay! Thanks for letting us know!

((((CAT))))

::doing the happy dance::

Ditto.