H is my first and only love. I thought it was a fairly tale. We've been together for 7 years before tying the knot. Those years were great. We meet each others need so we feel that its time to say the i dos.

But the test began after 6 mos after marriage. My H apparently have issues unsolved with his family, resentments etc that God knows I tried my best to support him about. Then another 3 mos, I feel that H is not "talking" to me. He's not open with his feelings with him. He shut me out which drove me crazy. He has a freelance job then so when he decided to join a company and saw that he's excited about it,I agreed with him thinking that its for the good.

Then the "doing without me" recreational things started. I am extremely upset about it as I looked for a new job that would give me more time with him but I wasn't spending time with him.

Then women intuition, I know there's something wrong from then on but it never occured to me that he was having an emotional affair then.

After two months in my new work which I returned to my old work. We have agreed on it because I have told him that I was not happy and have this unexplainable feeling inside me that makes me nuts.

After a month on my old work, I found out about his affair. It killed me. My H knows me very well. He did not left my side for the next 5 days after I found out about it. He knows that I would have probably killed myself if he did.

I found about it when I viewed his messages on his cellphone and saw that he met his cousin that night which he did not told me about. And some somewhat love messages telling the girl how much he misses her text messages and afraid that she already left her etc. Before that I have read some messages like that before and had asked him about it and told me that somebody borrowed his cellphone. But then, I remembered the time of the sent messages. Nobody could have borrowed the cp because he's still home at that time.

After I found out, he did not break his relationship with the girl. The affair went on another hell of a month. Then he had another fight with "the girl" and then he decided to break it off. I am left in the middle, consoling my self from the hurt and pain, AND consoling him from a love that can never be.

He changed jobs, he changed his numbers, made his profile private on a certain social network etc. He broke off the ties which I am glad about.

The problem is now with me. As he have me to console me, my hurt have no one to go to. I tried talking about him about what happened he got very angry as he doesn't to remember this past mistake.

Its been 3 months now. But I felt that my broken heart is not getting better. When I am with him, I am quite happy and it doesn't hurt that much. But when I am alone, I have the tendency to think about the past and have this movie on my mind play over and over again. In addition to that, I have read most of the girl's text messages to my husband and have almost memorized each and every one of it. I am thankful that I haven't read all of my H sent messages to her or I might already be dead by now.

H is the only person I have been in relation with. He's my best friend and my lover. He's been honest on whatever I ask him about in regards with his relationship with her. But still, it breaks my heart. What can I do to stop this memories? I am getting crazy. PLease help.

Welcome to marriagebuilders. I'm glad you found us.

Your situation seems very hopeful in that your husband ended the affair. Has he explained why he thinks he had an affair in the first place?

By the way, the two of you need to be spending 15 hours a week doing fun things together. He should not be engaging in independent behavior by going out without you.

It takes about two years to recover from a betrayal like this, so your feelings are very normal.

So sorry that you are here. Many of us have BTDT so we know what you are going through.

I agree with everything Believer said.

It sounds like you are suffering from PTSD, which happens to a lot of BS. Do you have a good support system? When it was rough in the beginning, I tried to do things to take good care of myself such as exercise, eat well, get outside, keep busy. I leaned a lot on my support system and I read up here as much as I could.

I know about obsessing and reading messages from the OW. Please try not to do that anymore. It's not healthy!

A lot of what you described I can relate to...I am coming up on my one-year d-day anniversary, and there are still those waves of sadness or anger ~ but I feel so much better than I did six months ago.

Have you read His Needs Her Needs? We ordered the audio version so that my H could listen to and from work. I think this is super important step so that you and your H can learn about the dynamics of marriage, affairs and learn how to better meet each other's Emotional Needs to have an ever better, stronger marriage.

Lastly, is your H willing to post here? He needs to follow Extraordinary Precautions. He should not ever allow another woman to meet any of his ENs(one on one personal conversation, recreational companionship, etc) to prevent an A from ever happening again.

Hang in there and keep posting