i'm writing this to anyone who is willing to share their regrets that they got a divorce or stories of friends who regret leaving their marriage. i'm looking for perspective for myself and to try and share with my wife who wants a divorce. we have two childern 9 & 16. i would love to have detailed stories of life after leaving the marriage and how it affected everyone involved.

thank you,

wouldn't you rather work on saving your marriage? Had you noticed that your marriage is in big trouble?

Would you like some help on that?

yes i'd like to save my marriage but i'm at my wits end. my friends tell perhaps this will wake her up showing her that i'm done with all this foolishness. i don't quite know what to do i'm been trying to fill the love bank but she is not acting perceptive to it at all. i continue to do my normal routine of taking the kids to school, cleaning the kitchen, doing the laundry etc...and am always paying her compliments and letting her know i appreciate it when she makes me lunch to take to work etc...i just don't feel her having any emotion whatsoever towards our marriage. i have to take our son to a birthday party tomorrow and was told by friends that i need to make plans to be gone all of next weekend so it forces her to have to tend to their needs and not give her the freedom to see the OM but she will likely take them to camp with her so i'm not sure that would stop her from seeing him. she can set the kids up with video games and be on her merry way. i welcome and help i can get.

ok, if you want help, then stop listening to your friends, who don't have any idea how to save a marriage, and listen to us. Your friends are wasting your time.

Go back and the read the posts on your other thread. That is a start.

As ML said, not a good idea.

First of all she won't listen because "she is different" or her relationship is "different" than everyone else involved in any post divorce regret stories you can find.

Secondly she will also view it as YOU trying to educate her and right now I'm sure SHE probably knows everything she needs to know on how to handle this situation she has created. Just ask her.

Start reading the information on the site, start following it and keep asking questions here. Also, I would not mention this site your wife. Just try to incorporate the information provided by the site in your actions and how you handle what is taking place.

Good Luck

You registered on this site 4 days ago. Your marriage has probably been falling apart for years! You cannot fix it in one night, one weekend or one month. It takes time.

PLAN A! PLAN A! PLAN A! You cannot show her a changed you or meet her EN's for a few hours or days and expect her to believe you can continue doing that. You need to do it for MONTHS.

In June and July, I went through EXACTLY what you are feeling. You have a few good hours together or a good day and you think all will be well. Then you talk to her and it is all bad again. My WW was ICE COLD and totally emotionless!

My WW called me at work saying things like "is it too late to work it out". I would say that we can certainly work it out, we'd talk when I got home. By the time I got home, she no longer wanted to work it out, she wanted to divorce.

You ARE NOT going to teach her a lesson by being a good guy for a few days then packing it in. Next weekend will not teach her a lesson. Change your plans and BE THERE.

PLEASE GIVE IT TIME. It is really hard but your marriage is worth saving. My MC/PhD/"shrink" helped me get through the feeling of wanting to say screw it and giving up. We are here for you.