This is my first time on this site, or talking about my whole situation with anyone other then my husband. I am hoping that someone can give me some advice on how I should feel. I never stop thinking about everything. So let me get started, I will start by I am sorry this is really long.
My husband & I have been married for almost 9 years & I love him with everything I have in me, sometimes I don’t know why. We have 2 children ages 8 & 4. My marriage has been on the rocks for some times now, I just didn’t think to much about it. He had his life & I had mine, together we had the children. We never did anything just the 2 of us really. I lost a really good paying job, he went to jail we had a lot of stress to say the least. I still was blind to the problems we had. I just always figured that we would be together & this is just the way things were.
My sisters best friend asked me to be her babysitter after I lost my job. She & I become very close. Her child’s father & her split up & I started noticing that she was wanting my husband to do more things for her ( shovel walk, go bowling or golfing, ect..) . I often told my sister that the OW liked my husband, she would defend her & say that she would never do that.
Mean while we find out that I am pregnant in Feb 08. MY husband seems really happy. Much more then I was. He told everyone.
This hole time the OW & I would hang out a couple times a week. (She watched my kids, pick my kids up from school, ect) My thought was keep her close to me so I would know what she was up to. She wasn’t my husbands type so even throw I was sure she wanted him, I knew he would never want her. April 08, she asked my husband to go golfing with her after I had just told her not to that I wanted him to spend time with us (me & the kids) I let him go because he didn’t know I had just told her that. My sister told her that it really upset me & the OW called me saying how sorry she was & that she was just lonely & wanted someone to hang out with & I know her better then that, that she would never do anything to hurt me.I give her my option of asking another woman husband to hang out all the time & pretty much stop talking to her, sometimes she would text me & I would answer but that was it.
Mean while my marriage was heading more & more down hill fast. My husband worked out of town 2nd shift & would come home later & later stating that he went to bar with his male friend after he got back in town. Many times the sun would be up before he came home, I would yell & scream & we would fight about it. Some how I was so blind.
June 12th 08 he came home at 4 something am & we argued about it & he throw some clothes in a bag & left stating that he wanted a divorce. A few days later I talked him in to staying home until the baby is born. I truly thought that things would go back to “normal” after about 2 weeks of him still not telling me he loved me, barley even talking to me & still staying out at night,
I realized that I needed help this time to fix it. I don’t like talking to family & friends because everyone has a option, & unless you have been in my situation you don’t really know what you would do. So I turned to the internet for help. I found all sorts of save you marriage sites that were very helpful. I started making small changes to the way I handles things.
Over 4th of July we took the kids camping. We got a long really good, still very strained but still had fun together. After the couple weeks we had it was a nice start.
My sister had her bachelortte party July 19th 08 (1 day after my 31st birthday) Of course the OW was there is also in the wedding. My husband & I got in a hugh argument when I got home about me being out later then I said I would. I handled it the way my marriage helping site said to & we ended up sitting down & talking it was really nice, at 1st he said I was tricking him that I didn’t really mean to be nice, but in the end we really talked. Well he still went out but called while he was gone & came home about an hour later. At that point I truly thought things were going to look up.
July 27th 08 4:30am my husband had once again been out. I woke up to hearing loud talking outside I went to the bath room where I could hear better & heard my husband yelling OW name (just so happens to be my name also) in his cell phone that she never listens to him, & so on. I meant him at the back door & he said he was talking to me. Of course he wasn’t. He went out & sit in his truck & after a little while I went out there & calmly asked for the truth was there another woman & was it this person. He finely broke down & told me that it was her & he was in love with her. That she decided that she didn’t want anything to do with him because I was pregnant. He told me that nothing had ever happened between them that it was all emotional. That basically our marriage was to blame. I listened to everything he had to say & told him that if he truly loved her to go to her. He just stated that she didn’t want him.
Later that day, after having way to much time to think about it. I told him that if he was willing I was to start over. He agreed that I had been making great changes & would like to “try” to start over. That week went well we spent all of our free time together & he came straight home everyday after work. I was really nice. (still hasn't went out since or stayed out late after work)
Aug 2nd 08, The day before my sisters wedding, even though my husband was also in the wedding he couldn’t make it to the rehearsal because he still worked 2nd(was transferred to a location in town) Just seeing her made me so angry . I called my husband at work & told him I had to say something but I would do it when we were alone. Neither on of us wanted to ruin my sisters wedding. So I questioned the OW asked how she didn’t think I would find out about their emotional affair. She still denied her part blaming it all on him that she would never do that to me. I even emitted that if I would have been a better wife that it wouldn’t have happened. I even forgave her.
Aug 3rd 08 my sister had a beautiful wedding. I even got along with the OW. After the wedding a lot of us went to the bars. We had a great time! My husband & I were still getting along great.
Once we got back home he was texting someone & I caught the name & said oh I see we are back to that. He then explained that he was telling her that he was going to tell me everything, & she was very mad at him about it. Well he did tell me everything their affair was much more then just emotional & had started in Nov 07 & didn’t end until June 08, when she started feeling guilt about me being pregnant. He stated that he didn’t want her any more but he didn’t want my either. I was so hard to here that. I called my sister (yes on the 1st night of her honeymoon!) & cried to her until almost sun up. Of course she instantly hates the OW, who not only had been lying to me, was also lying to her.
Later that morning I called the OW & she still acted like nothing happened that she didn’t know what I was talking about. I did a little lying of my own & told her I had seen the text messages. She then admitted that they had sex once & was the biggest mistake of her life, how sorry she was & bah bah bah! ( to this day she is telling people that only happened once, & was biggest mistake of her life)
Later that day again after thinking what to do I very calmly explained to my husband that the last week had been one of the best of our marriage & that we could take the hard road & continue to work on the marriage or he could that the easy road & move out that day. I was up to him. He of course couldn’t believe that I was still willing. ( I married for better or worst) He chose to stay. He answered every question I asked (still does) know matter how much I ask. Some time within the next few weeks I had told him I would like him to give me my wedding ring back but not until he was ready to be my husband again, until he felt love for me, until he really meant it.
4 weeks after he came completely clean Aug 31st we joined a bowling league with my sister & her new husband. The OW is also on this league. I will give my husband credit he didn’t even look her way. I was so happy. That night we built a fire out back after the kids went to bed & was talking about the last month, how happy we both were & the he went & got my ring. He said he has something really important to tell me before he could put it on my finger & that I would likely change my mind & not want to be with him. I asked if she was pregnant. ( she works with my sister & had been sick. Sister still doesn’t talk to her) He said not her. That a old co worker (of a different race) is stating that she is pregnant & it is his. He swears that he didn’t have sex with her. That she is stating that he took her home one night when she was at a bar they had sex & he left. He states he knows he gave her a ride home( his friend confirmed it, but that he didn't really remember that) but swears that was it. He doesn’t remember the day, but that he was really drunk. He thought at 1st she was trying to get money out of him by threaten to tell me. He told her that he already did & that he was not giving money for an abortion. That its not his.
Sept 17th she had an ultrasound & texted him the due date is April 11th 09. He told her that he still doesn’t believe that anything happened between them, but if so & the baby is his that he will fight for custody. Of course we are both praying that its not true. Our relation is still getting better everyday & I truly love him so much. In less then 26 days I am having our 3rd child. Our marriage is what I had prayed for years it would be like.
Today Sept 22nd we bowled on the league with OW #1 still acting like we don’t see her there. Then the OW #2 sent him a picture of an ultrasound. I personly think that it looks like a fetus that is more like 5 months or so not 10 weeks. But what do I know.
My sister knows all about OW#1 but I haven’t told a sole about OW#2
I so badly want it all to be a lie. I don’t know if I can help raise a baby that he conceived with some one else, that is only 5 months younger then our daughter that we both agree was conceived to save our marrage. If that is the case then if this baby is his what was it conceived for:? I don’t know what to feel, how to think. I promised my self that I would give it a full year (Aug 3rd 09) before I made any changes.
Please any advice would be great. I love him & I do believe that he has been honest with me about everything else in the last month. I also know that when he gets drunk he does tend to not know what happens. He does answer everything I ask about either woman. I do believe he loves me. Is it enough? Sorry this is so very long I have had this bottled up & I just needed to get the whole thing out!
