I need some advice. It seems that I am good at meeting a man's emotional needs (I'm physically attractive, a great housekeeper/cook, admiring, like to do recreational things w. a man, and sensually responsive - tho' committed to wait for sex until marriage). My ex-H was very in love w. me (though I'd withdrawn from pain years before) and boyfriends all seem very in love with me while I remain deeply unsatisfied. My problem is, I have only met men who can meet a few of my emotional needs: for example, either affection/conversation, or financial support. I'm 36 (not a spring chicken).

I was abused growing up, and know that perhaps I need a larger dose of emotional support than some women. e.g. My boyfriend calls me daily for a 10-minute chat, sees me once a week for 2 hours, then I see him most Fri nites, most Sat's and at church on Sunday, I still feel like I want to talk to him more during the week, or see him a little more on weekdays. I don't pester him w. phone calls, but I can feel myself withdrawing. Plus I worry about $. I make more than he does, and my first marriage ended partly b/c my ex-husband did not provide adequate financial support (read: $18K per year with 2 kids...I'm not a gold-digger!). It seems like guys are either on the "non-affectionate but wealthy" axis or "sensitive and affectionate but dirt-poor" axis. A prior BF had $ and was generous w. me, but wouldn't talk to me or be affectionate at all, and it was very painful.

Are there women (like me!) who just want too much? Harley says to watch out for relationships that don't meet all your needs in the beginning, b/c those unmet needs can be dangerous after marriage if they are never met. And I'm gun-shy, having been married and divorced. I don't want to make the same mistakes I made the first time around.

What can I do? Are there men out there who can do all 5 of Her Needs? Am I just way too picky?

Have you healed from your past? Completely?

Are you happy now, by yourself with your kids?

One family member of mine was abused and never sought help to heal from it.
The MO of this family member is to withdraw (from husband, kids) instead of working through problems.

I think 2008, it is completely reasonable to have the woman be the breadwinner.
Your ex makes more than my husband. BUT, we also decided it was important to maintain somewhat of a SAHP lifestyle. So, yes, I make 80% of the income, but my husband is a care giver to our family and tends to the household chores (laundry, grocery shopping, cleaning, etc.) as well as taking the family to lessons, drs appointments, etc.

You don't mention the details of why your combined incomes weren't enough to survive on with your first. So it's hard to tell if you are expecting too much or not.

Have you considered getting your some of your emotional needs met by female friends (like conversation)?

Thanks for writing, mumoftwo.

I'm glad you and your husband have the arrangement you have, and that it works for both of you. I must admit that financial support is one of my 5 needs, so I don't think it would work for me. I would feel weird about it. Crazy as it sounds, I know I get love bank deposits when a boyfriend/husband makes money and is able to help/provide for others.

To answer your other question about getting needs met, I do have conversations with my girlfriends. But when your boyfriend won't even talk to you for 5 minutes a day, it can be painful.

And to clarify, my ex's $18k was our only income, as I was home with our babies at the time.

I am very happy with my children now, we're doing great. Would just love to have that special someone in our lives.

Any men out there with any thoughts? Any women who've found a man who can meet ALL 5?

What was your childhood like?