There were problems before the affair,one being that my husband and I are very different people. He is an extrovert and a partier, while I am quite and unfortable in a crowd. He names this as the main reason we drifted apart. While he still refuses to give up talking to the OW and still continues to travel down there, I have convinced him that he should at least try to work on a relationship. The only relationship he wants to start at is friends. He treats me like an acquaintance, not a wife. Any time I attempt to kiss him, he says it is not a good idea. I think the only reason he said he'd work on the relationship, was to keep me quiet. He says that the difference that drove us apart would continue to keep us apart. I think this is totally wrong. We were the same people when we met and were together for many happy years. Any suggestions or ways to counter his argument?

Hi Kate-<P>It sounds to me as if your H doesn't have any desire to work on the marriage I can't say why not knowing what he has to say but from what you post it sounds as though he just doesn't care. My ex and I were two very diifferent people. But when we met we were very much in love. I still to this day do not know what caused him to change and not have the desire to work on things but he just got more and more wild. He too was going to bars and also sleeping around a lot. I begged the man to talk to me-tell me what was worng-what had changed. he never wanted to work on it at all. so over a period of time I just fell out of love. He was no longer the man I married-in fact I felt as though I didn't even know him. We have been divorced for going on 11 years now. I still havent got a clue as to what changed for us but it did and it became very obvious by his next choice of women that he and I were indeed very different. I can't give you much advice as I don't know enough of your story to be of any help. But might I say that from what I read you are giving him way more freedom and all than I would think justifiable. You need to find out what is really going on and work from there. Don't hurt yourelf trying to make him happy <P>I wish you the best of luck!<P>------------------<BR>*heartache*<BR>"Loyalty Is A Two Way Street"<BR>