I forget!!!!

I paid a complement to a male friend again and he just almost shuts down on you!!!

I don't get it. I complement people and thank people all the time for doing things, it's just the way I am, it's easy and doesn't cost anything and normally makes some else smile!!

UGH!!!

Dawn

I don't mind compliments as I was starved for them from my hateful harpy of an XW.

I know that his xw didn't give many either but for as long as I have known him if it's in person he cringes and walks away and like last night it was in a text and we were done, nothing more said! I probably won't here from him for a week now!!

I did start telling his mom what a great guy she had raised. she appreciates them so at least they don't go to waste or not get said. As I didn't say them for almost 4 months.

Dawn

First thing that comes to mind is that he thinks you want something from him?!?!?! I know some men like that.

AGE,

I am sure that is probably what he thinks and then after tonight, I probably confirmed that for him.

I wanted to get this siding put up before tomorrow, It's 12 ft long and I am struggling to figure out how to hold it in place and nail it at the same time. So I called an asked if he wanted to play with power tools with me, "Why? I'd have to take a shower and stuff" and I said no I wanted to do it before it was dark. I didn't care if he showered. I then made the comment "how is it that my dad does this stuff by himself?" He said "he hails in the middle first." I said "If I don't call I still need you, but I got an idea." I texted him as he didn't answer, in the shower I am assuming! And I said "I don't need you." He called and I said nope figured it out on my own, but thanks, he said "ok as I have to repair sub floor in the kitchen." I said well if you had come to help me then I could of helped you! Yeah you right he said!!! But then I remembered that I was cooking dinner for 50 people tomorrow!!!

So I don't know, I probably scare him, most guys I do I don't know why, there is only one big bump on my nose and I keep the hairs from it braided!!!

Dawn

DJ ALERT, DJ ALERT!!!

Some people react differently to certain stimuli than other people - stimuli including words of affirmation (compliments). There is no requirement that compliments be universally liked and appreciated from all and by all. Some folks have a deeper sense of modesty and, perhaps because of FOO or XS experiences, never really learned how to accept them without embarrassment.

Whatever the reason, it's no loss to you. I think that compliments should be like gifts; offered without expectation and the other person should be free to take them or leave them without recrimination. You stated your observation, and his reaction is his own. Your observation should remain the same.

Do you feel rejected when he runs away from your compliments? That your sense of worth and value is predicated upon other people wanting your to admire them?

When I was married, compliments from female friends and coworkers would make me very uncomfortable. I feared that sometimes they were attempts to flirt or probe my interest. Sometimes shutting down would be my instant reaction as well in order to avoid any sense of impropriety. Maybe he has a concern that you're probing for something beyond a simple friendship.

What was the compliment?

Sea, I know that people react differently to compliments, I don't allow his rejection of the compliment make me feel any different or de-value me. Like I said I try to give compliments alot, I work with HS students so I am always doing it here at school.

Enlightened--I thanked him for making me smile and putting into perspective an issue I was having with my daughter. We visit often about our kids as we have done the single parent thing for so long so we bounce ideas off each other sometimes. I was just really growly that night about the whole thing. I appreciated him backing me down to see what it really was with my daughter.

Dawn

I couldn't tell you why.

I just had to erase the scene I imagined. My comedy generator started up and I was picturing you telling him, hey nice buns, or nice package and wondering why he wouldn't accept the compliments, LOL.

Not that you would do such a thing. But I have to admit such a scenario occurred to me.

I hope you find it funny and not offensive.

Just write up as, "People are strange."

i for one would consider "nice package" a compliment

Enlightened--I have to laugh---


Sunday night I didn't have my bowling shirt on had a henley shirt on and let the buttons be un done as I had a cami on, I do have some clevage for being grandma!!! Anyways same guy, we play poker while we bowl and I had a pair of kings and he looked at my cards and looked up at me and said "nice Pair", I said thanks, I think so!!! H e goes, that's not what I meant!!! I said, no. His reply I am stopping now!!!!

I then pulled another queen and I looked at the other guy I bowl with and said Now I have ttwo pairs on on top and one on bottom!! He thought I was a hoot!!!

DAwn