VL22

Don't worry about the financial stuff. That's your lawyer's job. Also, I doubt very much that your bank doesn't have a record of a check that was cashed. First of all, most banks don't cash large personal checks right away. They wait for the check to clear at the other bank before they release the money. And, if your WH did "cash" it, as he claims, your bank would show it as a deposit and then a withdrawal. They keep a record of all funds that go in and out, no matter how quickly.

On another note, don't believe anything your WH says he told his parents. Unless you hear it from them, it's probably not the truth. Waywards have a way of twisting everything.

I doubt very much that the fine state of Texas isn't going to give spousal support to a SAHM who is raising the kids. There are lots of things that the court considers besides the 10-year mark.

In my state (Washington) child support is determined by a set chart. It is based on the standard of living the children had before the separation/divorce.

This may be the wake up call your WH needs to see that he won't get to continue to play like he is a bachelor.

Hang in there-

You can usually get bank statements for the past 12 - 18 months, depending on your bank. I recommend that you do this for all accounts and loans. I got so much information there - like when he withdrew $4000 cash from the join account in one month. He still can't "account" for it - he initially told me he paid down our line of credit but obtaining statements from that account proved that he had not. The only thing I can't show is if it went to the OW, or into some secret slush fund to finance the A. But those are the only 2 possibilities and if I ever had to go to court, I have these as evidence.

I recommend you do this as soon as possible. WstbxH had me removed from the joint account very quickly - had I not had printouts of these statements I would not be able to prove it today.

Don't count on a divorce taking that long, I was married 23 years to my kids' dad and he got a divorce over and done with in ONE MONTH and had the waiting period waived! We had property, kids, everything!
BTW, he closed our joint bank accounts and I never got so much as a statement!

Yes but she DOES have the "home team" advantage since she filed first. She can ask her attorney to delay as much as possible. And this IS Texas. Civil court moves slow as HAIL!

Charlotte

Hello there everyone - it's agonizing waiting. My H just text me this morning and said "I'm sorry. I want us to work - but I'm angry still. Do you know somebody that could help us rebuild?"

I asked him if he wants our marriage to work - he has to move back home. But he never replied to me. I send him a website of MC listing and told him if he truly wants this marriage to work - he would have to make the initial appointment with a MC and I will be there.

The angry part - he's still upset that I took out cash advanced for my lawyer - I changed the lock to the house - I took his garage opener away from him - I can't understand why he's soooo upset when I am the one who has been trying to put this marriage back together. He moved out twice and complained that I don't let him in the house anymore on the "D" papers. He had to ask for my permission before he comes. I can't let him come and go out of my life and our daughters.

I am beyond angry that he spent so much $$$ with the OW. Wine and dine, took care of her dog, bought the dog's food, etc.... And he's angry for what I did.

Can someone explain to me why? Everyone told me that I shouldn't feel guilty for doing it - I'm not a doormat. But I do feel guilty though - that I let him get to me. He couldn't put himself in my shoes - I didn't have a choice.

Hi VL,

What happened in court?

Just wait and see if he makes the appointment with the marriage counselor. What does he say about the no contact letter with OW?

No court date is not till Sept 29th. I told him about the NC to the OW and he said to me "why am I going to end it with her again when I have already did it". I told this NC is for me not for you.

He said it's ridiculous and told me "She's going thru a lot right now" - you know because supposedly of the cancer he was telling me.

Well what about me - I'm not going thru a lot as well.

Then he said to me yesterday that because of the cash advanced - he tried borrowing money from his friends - everyone turned him down - he said he had to go to her to borrow money.

I was so mad - of the one person who he knows that will hurt me a lot is her - of all people - I asked him that and he said "Who else am I suppose to go to"? Everyone else said no and he also said "I don't have money to pay for swimming, for yoga and for cycling training. Who do you think do my laundry?" I know he's referring to the OW because she did his laundry when he moved out since Jan.

Why does he say these things to me? And rubbed it in my face about the OW? I don't understand - what is he trying to accomplish? Can someone give me your perspective on this please? I have a hard time understanding it?

So once he has you willing to do his laundry again, THEN he MAY cut off OW (except no she owes him $ and she has cancer and her cat is trying to cough up a furball and blah blah blah).

I wish we could work on tightening up your plan B. The time for negotiation is over IMO. He lost negotiation rights the 1st, 2nd 3rd time he moved in and out of your home.

He is goig to keep trying to string you along because it is "cheaper to keep her" and maybe he likes your fabric softener better than hers.

(I am sorry for sounding glib, but his inability to keep his own laundry done is a pretty lame excuse for continuing his affair)

What can we do to get your plan B darker? How does he suck you into these conversations? Can you leave a message on your voice mail saying "If you are still with the ho', I am a no go".

I don't have any friends here except his parents moved here 3 yrs ago. But his parents already said to the both of us that they're not interfering - it's our problem.

He keeps texting and telling me that he's sorry but he won't make a commitment to move back home.

Yeah of course the OW is willing to lend money for him. He said he couldn't afford a lawyer and didn't want to show up court without one and I may screwed him over. No doubt she's all willing to do because I'm sure she wants this divorce to go through so she can have him finally.

He doesn't call me at all so I can't leave a message - only text me. I don't know how to go planB darker - I don't have anyone to help me with that.

Then I would just see if he makes the MC appt. If he does, go with him with a clear outline of what is required for him to come home. No more OW regardless of her health, money, laundry or furballs. NO MORE OW.

Oh, and you asked WHY does he say these things to you, WHY does he throw OW in your face, WHY, WHY, WHY???

Same reason all waywards do- because they can.

When you say NO MORE - it will stop.

I know you want your marriage (((VL22)))

BUT what he wants is for you to do his laundry and let him keep his happy home life while he has his piece on the side.

If that is NOT what you want, let him know firmly, NO MORE OW.

Jean, I have told him no more OW - that was the reason why I filed for "D". But true I wanted my marriage to work but I'm already at a point where I am emotionally drained, physically and mentally.

I text him earlier today after sending him an email for the MC and asked him to make the appointment if he truly wants to work on our Marriage.

I told him this is it - I can't do this anymore - I have not slept - I have not been myself and I'm done. He either move back home and work on our M or we proceed with the court hearing next week.

No replied so we'll see if he's going to make an effort with the MC this week. If I don't hear anything from him about that - I don't have a choice but to proceed with the "D". I am pretty tired.

I know your tired, that is why I wish you could get off this roller coaster.

I hope you have a good week VL, we're here if you need us.

I wish you could quickly divorce him, I do not see him changing into a good husband any time soon...

I am sorry you are going through this, you don't deserve it. If he wants to save the M, let HIM do something, if not, what can you do anyway? You need to concentrate on yourself, getting yourself healthy mentally and in every way. I feel for you. I know you want the M saved, but HE needs to want it too.

Girlfriend, your WH is in panic mode trying to do damage control. STOP TALKING TO HIM AT ALL. When a text pops up--- delete it! If he has something important to say, he'll find a way other than texting you. (And the only important thing you want to listen to is that he is moving home, stopping all contact with OW, sending her a NC letter, etc.)

I just bet he was so surprised that his little wifey took the bulls by the horns, filed for divorce, had him locked out of his home, and (gasp!) quit doing his laundry.

If you are TRULY in Plan B, it is CRITICAL that you let the OW meet ALL OF HIS NEEDS right now. Course, with her "illness" and "neediness" it'll be a contest of "poor me" between the two of them.

You are not doing any of this to be mean or vindictive. You are fighting for your marriage and your family!

Please, please listen to the advice here and STOP TALKING TO HIM OR READING HIS TEXT MESSAGES. If you have to, get a new number.

You're fine in Texas courts. You're the petitioner so you can control the case. Has he filed an "answer" to your case yet? He only has 20 days to do it, otherwise the case goes into default, which means you can pretty much ask the judge whatever you want and get it. Ask your attorney about this.

After he doesn't answer, the Court will let the case sit for so long before they "dismiss it" for lack of activity. OR as petitioner, you can "nonsuit" it making it all go away. This would require that your WH refile if he still wanted to go through with it. He would also have to pay to do this.

Again: STOP TALKING TO HIM OR READING HIS TEXT MESSAGES!

I just wanted to clear up that I'm not doing his laundry. The OW is - he complained that I took his $$$ and filed for "D" and he has to go hire a lawyer - borrowed OW's money and she is doing his laundry.

He did file an "answer" to the case and had hire his lawyer to do it. We are due in court next Monday.

Today was my youngest daughter's birthday - and she wanted him to be here so I had to see him - it was tough - I didn't say much to him - pretend so much that he is not here.

He said goodnight after dinner and after my daughter opened her present. He told me that it is my decision whether to go through with this "D". Because I'm the one who filed it. He will accept whatever I decide. If I drop it and if I'll make the first move - then he will make a move. That's his exact words.

So I don't know what to do. He's putting pressure on me to decide. Anybody have any suggestions????

Don't let him pressure you, VL. Go to the court hearing. What has he done? What have his actions shown you? What about the MC? You said the ball was in his court on that one and that was that. Did he do anything?

I know that it's hard but you can't trust him AT ALL. Don't give up your protection!! You have the "home team" advantage as petitioner. Have you asked your attorney to drag things out as long as possible?

Are you worried that when you walk out of court on Monday you will be divorced? That's NOT how it works, if that's what you are worried about. Listen, I didn't want to go through with my temp hearing, either. I thought about nixing the whole thing. Let me tell you, I'm SO glad I didn't!

Because my WH was still a WH and even though I wanted badly to believe there was a chance that he would remember "us" and do the right thing, I stuck to my guns. And thank GOD I did!

You need to stick to your guns, VL. Please, please, please!! This man is still in the fog and you need to protect yourself and your children!

Charlotte

Charotte, my brain knows that but my heart tells me differently. I just hate these feelings. I wished I can be strong and stick to my head instead of my heart.

I did tell my lawyer that I'm not in a rush to do anything. I want to drag it out. The only one main reason that I'm scare is after the temp court hearing - my WH will just decide to quit and give up on us. He won't even want or even consider giving our M a chance. And then my M is over.

I am very scare not only about the court hearing but the outcome after that.

Yeah, being afraid is understandable.

You are afraid to lose him. Well, he is ALREADY lost, don't forget that. He is not committed to your marriage or to anything at this point except his own selfish desires.

And he tells you the ball is in YOUR court? Gimme a break! What has he done to show you with ACTIONS that he is interested in saving your marriage?

It is totally UNFAIR for him to manipulate you the way he is right now. I think the hearing will be a BIG reality check for him.

You are supposed to be in Plan B but you aren't right now. You should remind him that you did NOT want to file for divorce but you had to protect yourself and your kids.

Charlotte

P.S.) Stick to your HEAD!!