about his PA. I just want to question WHY WHY WHY would you do such I think. I would have never thought he would have done this not in a millionn years. Not with all his talk about how to avoid those type of things and he couldn't hurt somebody like that. THEN WHAT THE HELL WAS HE THINKING WHEN HE FELL. What the F was on his Fing mind. All I feel like doing sometimes is telling him how he screwed up and how the F was that going to help our marriage out. We was already needing to spend more time w/ each other and get back to how we were and how did he fix it, by Fing somebody else. I am so angry today and yesterday more than from when he told me (a week and a half ago, it has been over for about 2 months, he slept with OW 5times over a 5month period).

How do we handle this part of recovery. Do we keep our mouth shut, I have already let him know how I felt, question him down until I have nothing else to ask. Know all I have is insults in my head and the whys. I hate how he just seems to be over it all and going around his way. I know he just wants to forget it and says he doesn't think about it as it wasn't emotional. We are getting along like basically how it was in the beginning(w/ the addition of a child), but I have to deal with the betrayal and he gets a next chance and his family. And just talks and walks around and act like nothing happened. Yes..I know you are over it but I hate that I am know the one with all this fing pain and thoughts. Why am I angry like this?

Ok, I am no expert at recovery - I never went through it myself.
But
I am sure you must realize that nagging would not do any good at all. It would only make things worse. If you start nagging, you will not be heading towards a happy, recovered M. You will be headed towards D. And if you are going to head towards D, you may as well just get started in a healthier manner, by saying "I have come to realize that I can not handle your betrayel. I thought I could, but I just can't. You have clearly gotten over it, but I canot not, and will not. So here are the D papers. Please sign at the x.

Or

You could try saying "I am really struggling still. I am trying to be happy, and up beat, but I am still hurting inside. I need to talk this through with you. I need to feel safe"
and then set a date and time to talk. Away from noise, and children. NOT when you are mad, or upset. But when you are both feeling relativeley calm. Tell him exactly wht you are feeling. Not in a nagging way. But give him the facts: "My feelings are so hurt, and when I see that you have moved on it makes me really angry, becuase I feel like______"

It is ok to tell him how you feel.
In fact, you need to tell him how you feel.
But not by yelling, or nagging, or throwing it up in his face.
Tell him how all of this stuff makes you feel in a very calm way. This is what communciation is all about.

You are angry because the man you love tossed you aside and got a new model to try on for size.

IT'S OK TO BE ANGRY!!! And, it's perfectly healthy. But, it's not what's going to help the two of you. First, you need to go to counseling. You also need to educate yourself on the basic premise of MB. Know the terminology and the strategies for putting the pieces back together. I've read sooo many posts of people here who manage to pull their lives back together even better than pre-A. You can do this. You have to. But, from personal experience, I can tell you that nagging is NOT the way to go. It's all about control right now. You have the power to control what part of you H sees. He needs to see you at your very best.

This aspect of MB is make you very resentful and angry. But, it seems to be the way to go. Read, read, read.

By the way...I believe there must be stages of this process. Similar to that of death. You will be sad soon and then maybe even pop back into angry. Journal your thoughts so you can get them out without unloading them on H. I know it seems unfair...it is!!! But, it seems to be the only way. I hope some of the vets visit you soon.

I wouldn't nag him, it is just what I feel like doing. The no-nagging thing is actually one of the areas of my personality he likes. We are not yellers eighter, it is just what I feel like doing. I usually do what your #2 option is, I just wonder if I am over doing it, but I just can't stop feeling this way right now, it has only been a week and a half since he told me and so far have been calm. I hate that this A now apart of our married life together I just hate it.

Agreed

And here is the even scarier part - the A is not just part of your married life - it is part of you. It has changed the way you look at things. you are more skeptical now.

But that is not such a bad thing. You will recognize when other people are hurting, and you will be able to help them.