Here is my story. I will try to keep this as brief as possible.
We've been married for 4 years.
I met my wife at work. We were friends. We started dating roughly 2 years in working together.
We just ended our previous relationship. We bought a house together about 6 months in our relationship.
Then we get married several months after. It is my first and my wife second marriage.
I though I was the luckiest guy of the world. We want to build a family but she can't have any baby. So we decide to adopt one. We adopted our son from China when he was 10 months old, now he is 2½. He is the best thing ever happen to us. We love him dearly.

I don't even know when our marriage start having trouble. She had complained to me before several times about I was controlling, treating her like a kid, don't trust her judgment, second guessing her decision, finishing up everything behind her. I guess she is right.
In my mind, I thought I was taking care of things. I want to do everything for her so she can just relax and chill out. I did complain to her before about spending too much money.

Finally back in June, she told me that she is not in love with me anymore. She had felt this way for a while because I ignored her feelings. She said her resentment to me slowly built up and numb her feeling toward me. She wants to move back to Mobile to be with her family.
She has no friends here, not a single one......

In August, she started going to this support group site www.experienceproject.com . I didn't think too much of it. She started become really secrecy. Every time I walked by the computer, she would minimize everything and clear out all the history.

I started to have suspicious. Sure enough I found out through her e-mails that she met another married man in San Diego through the support site. All those e-mails were really graphic, like INTERNET sex. And they were planning to use the web cam soon. So I confronted her for the first time. She said sorry that she had hurt me. I though she would stop after that, but no....
Next week her new laptop had came in and she started sleeping in the other room. She said she needed space.
She stayed up late so she can chat with him on line and of course doing things through the web cam.
I confronted her again and she denied it. Keeps saying they were just friends.
I believed she has fall in love with OM.

She left to Mobile with our son last Monday.
I called her up past Saturday just to let her know I will move out and she will have the space she asked for. Next thing I know, I brought up her affair again and asked her to stop and wake up from her fantasy world. I also told her she is breaking up 2 families. As you all can imagine, the phone call didn't end well.

I haven't talk to her since then. I've been talking her mom about our problems and she knows about the affair. She told me Sunday that my wife has decided not to come back. She will start her own life in Mobile with my son. I was crushed. My world is falling apart in front of my eyes and I can't do anything about it.

I want our marriage to work. I love her all my heart. I want our son to grow up in a happy family.
I will go to UK for couple weeks on business soon. I guess it is a good thing, so I can get out of this empty house. May be my mind can focus on something else.

In her mind, she rather live with SIN then staying in unhappy marriage. (from her e-mail) She also said she will never marry again. I guess I am just waiting for the big D day....now

I am not sure what to do next. I guess I am in forced plan B.
Is there still hope for this? Or should I just move on?

I know I need to stay strong, but it is tough. Everything little things around the house remind me of them. I miss them so much.
I just want a chance to show her I have changed to met her emotional needs. She doesn't want any of it.

What to do? What to do? What to do?

Was your wife divorced before you started being friends and dating? Just curious.

Yes. She had divorced 2 years and had a stable BF before we started working together and became friends.
Her and my previous relationship had ended almost the same time. Then we start dating.
She told me her ex-H had cheated several times. She had left him 7 times before she decided for a divorce.

I know she is this fog....I just hope she will wake up soon...

Well of course the online relationship is a fantasy thing. I suggest you email her daily and just chat. You can tell her fun things you are doing and give her some admiration, and talk about your child. That will keep the door open until she wakes up.

Hi Believer.

Thanks for your quick support

I am afraid daily contact because her mom told me she is really angry with me now because I stressed her out by keep mentioning the A and threatening her I will contact the OM's wife.
I think I have her info. I did some PI work on line.
Should I contact her?

cwn - this site is great. If there is an A, then everyone here will tell you to expose. Especially to the OMW. It takes her watching the OM and you watching your WW to stop the A. Do it - now.

Yes, expose to the OM's wife. Let her know what is going on with the site, the contact, and webcam. Tell her you love your wife and ask for her help in ending the affair. Don't warn your wife or her mother first. Just do it.

If I expose to OM's wife, she would know I did that.
Is there any clever way to do this?
I don't want to withdraw any more from her E bank. I feel like such a coward.

She will be furious and tell you this is the last straw, she might have worked on the marriage, but now she won't, you are controlling, you are crazy. you went about it the wrong way, it is none of your business, how could you do this, and my favorite, she will never trust you again. They all say and do the same thing.

But expose the affair to the wife without warning. It is the best way to end it. Do it yourself and don't worry about her fury. She will get over it in a couple of days.

Believer is right, your W will be furious.
So what? She'll get over being angry a lot faster than she's going to get over this affair.

Don't tell her you're going to expose - just DO it.
Have proof; the OM's wife may not believe you without proof.
Don't just send a letter - OM might get it instead of his wife.

The affair has to end before you can fix your marriage.
Exposure is the single most powerful tool you have for ending the affair.

Have you exposed to her mother? I know her mother "knows" but her mother might have heard terrible things about you, and that she and OM are "just friends". I think you should also tell your mother in law:
You love your W and want the marriage to work
OM is married
Your W and OM were having cyber sex, including web cams
You love your W and want the marriage to work (yes, say it again)
You'd really appreciate your MIL's support of your W, you, and the marriage while you try to work this out.

Remember, don't threaten exposure. Just DO it.
All at once.

Is there anyone else you can expose to?
Her sister, father, best friend?

You all are right.
I am enabling the affair by not exposing to OM's wife.

Her sister and her mother both know the A. Her sis actually somewhat encourage it. She is a single mom herself. I guess her sis keeps feeding her being single is cool...freedom and all that.
Her mother doesn't agree with this A, but she doesn't want to confront her because she believes that will hurt my wife even more.

Actually I just received her e-mail today. She will come back with our son after I get back from business trip (couple weeks). She will pick up all her stuff and some of the furniture. I believe she had made her mind up and stay in Mobile permanently.

I will be ALONE...!!!!!

I don't even know exposing the A will do me any good at this point......

How can she be so cruel?

Because with OM's wife watching his every move, she won't have it so easy in affair-land.

DUDE!!!

""I will be in Atlanta ALONE...!!!!""

Quit your whining!! Maybe get a little ANGRY

Grow a backbone and fight for your marriage. At least fight for your son!!

YOU ARE IN THE RIGHT HERE!! YOU ARE ON THE HIGH ROAD!!!

Expose to the cyberspace scumbag's wife. At least let her know what kind of PERV she is married to.

Change the locks on the house before you go to UK...if you must go. She might just come and go while you are gone.

She can be so cruel because she is in a selfish, self-centered fantasy with the the cyberspace romeo via web cam seeking ONLY her self-gratification.

An alien is occupying her body. Right now she is not the person you married. She is feeding her addiction and can only see and feel her craving for that web cam drug. She is totally in a chemically induced endorphin FOG.

EXPOSE TO THE OM'S WIFE. What the heck have you got to lose now?

Stand up for yourself and your son.

kirk

Grow a set!

Exposure is your ONLY CHOICE. What are you going to do, PI$$ her off? What can she do then? Move out? Oh yea, she already did that. EXPOSE to the OM's wife!

You are in a tough spot. If she is moved out, how are you going to PLAN A? It is much harder to show her you can be that perfect husband if you are not interacting with her on a daily basis.

Unless you know this for a fact because YOU witnessed it personally, you would be a fool for believing ANYTHING your WW tells you. Since the greatest predictor of future behavior is past behavior, do not be surprised if the previous M broke up because SHE had the A(s).

If that is the case Krusht is dead on in his advice.

Best of luck

Thanks for all your advice.
I just called the number but I have the wrong woman.
I am glad I asked "Is your H such and such?"

God,that was close. I could have ended a perfect marriage.
I need to do more PI work.

What else I can do now?
My WW refuses to talk to me on the phone, only e-mails or text.

For me, when I made the discovery my WH would not reveal anything. He clammed up entirely... I said "that's ok, I have her cell number" he responded angrily "don't harass her" I was like, are you kidding me? Defending her and crushing me, your wife??

On top of that, he broke the cell phone (he has broken many, this time he didn't do a good job) I took the two pieces and wished him a good day....

Got to work, mcguyvered the phone back together and gosh darn... it worked!!

Called the OW number.. She answers, I say who's this? She say T)(*$.. BINGO got her name. I tell her who I was and asked how she knew my husband.... CLICK...

She finally accepts me call, feeds me a bunch of pooh, saying my WH said we're in a divorce process (flustered, I did not even think to ask her marital status)... OH WELL...

NEXT... call my WH office main number... ask for T*$#^@... oh she's not in yet... .BINGO... know she works with him..

Then when my WH knows I'm catching on.. i get the 'ol '' I'm truly sorry VM... PLEASE SAVE IT.. I'm not done with my PI work.

He calls again.. I ask her last name... he gives me her maiden name... (I did not know it at the time)plus he tells me she lives in another town...

OK, Google away.. having a hard time..

call the office main number back again and ask for the T*$(*#@ Maiden name... They respond WHO???? Ok, now I know he's lying...

So too much inqueries... I lay low... call back a few days later to the main number.. ask for T^&*$#, not sure her last name... they give it to me!!!! but can't spell it and it was a bizarre last name...

COMPUTERS ARE A WONDERFUL THING>.. I google all variations and use the white pages to see what variations of this name I could find and low and behold I find her, her husband and the fact that they live in the same gosh darn town as me...


BUT, their home number does not accept blocked calls. She knows me cell phone number BUT she does not know my older girls, nor my friends, etc... we bombared the house phone... trying to get the OWH to answer... She answered and was all panicky "Why are you bothering me.. i said I was all done with your WH" Told her I was not calling her I was calling her OWH and would keep calling... That scared the poop out of her and sure enough when the OWH came home, she started to fess up... but not everything.. Spoke with the OWH and told him what I found, how I found and the evidence on the cell.. the pictures, the texts, blah blah blah... He was supposed to call the next day so I could show him.. never heard from him.. He did call my WH and told him to never see nor speak with the OW again..

Oh yeah... like I'm sure that's not going to happen.. I told the OWH that as long as they continue to work together the A would resume...

My next step???? Digital voice recorder in his car....

I'm going to do what I can to ensure the A has ended...

I have told my WH that one of my 'boundaries' is that he needs to find a job by the end of November OR, provide me proof that the OW no longer works there.... I'm counting down... should that not happen, then PLAN B will commence!

Good luck... snoop snoop snoop... It DOES PAYOFF!

Nthefogg,

Great post Sherlock!!

Like reading a detective story.

I know right after Dday, I was totally absorbed with phone bills and maps and credit card statements. Had 4 different highlighting colors, drew time lines and diagrams, etc.

It gives you something to do, making you feel active, instead of sobbing in a corner wringing your hands.

kirk

Good job! Don't forget to avoid LB, Plan A UNTIL you enter Plan B.

Hi all

OM's wife and I just have a 4 hours chat on the phone.
She is going to try to bust him in the act tonight while he is on the computer. Or she will try to text my wife pretend to be him.

Either way, she wants to bust him so he can't denies the A.

They are planning on meet up for the first time soon. She will fly to his state to meet him for a wild weekend and leave my son with her mom. Of course, I will be out of town of business.

I am so angry right now can't even think straight.

Actually I am in forced Plan B now because she doesn't want any contacts from me.

She probably will find out I talked the OM's wife. And that will be big time LB.

What to do now...????