Uhmmm no, actually you have not told us that umpteen times at all. You spent quite a bit of time lamenting the fact you were NOT married. Why did you not fill us in when you tied the knot? Several things in your stories have not added up with timeframes etc. Inconsistent stories are always a

Ok, i've answered the inquisition

Now, can we move on to the thread or are ya'll gonna keep hijacking it?

Yanno, I stayed home from work yesterday and happened to catch a show called "Wife Swap" where two wives swap families for a week.

One of the "wives" on the show had been with her "husband" for seven years but they had never officially tied the knot, for whatever reason.

The husband of the family where she went to stay for a week said it all (in one of their heated debates), something like...

"oh I get it. You don't need no piece of paper to make it legal. Guess what? If the right person comes along and asks your "husband" if he's married, he can honestly say, "Nope, not me. Been living with someone for seven years who's willing to hang around anyway. But married, nope, uh-uh, not me. I sure ain't tied down that way."

I've read through all of your posts too and unless you were married after August 2008 (and you been here complaining about your relationship since before then), then your posts don't add up. So... when was the happy day?

180

Yeah, but does it actually WORK?

I see MC and MB as having two positive influences on our relationship:

1. We've stopped being angry with each other and fighting.
2. We are getting along.

That was his goal from the beginning. NOT MINE. Now that he has achieved his goals, he has basically stopped at this plateau.

I can have the above with a roommate, my kids, my dogs, my neighbors. I don't require a live in or spouse to have the above.

I want intimacy.
I want love.
I want ROMANTIC love.
I want that giddy feeling of 'wow that person is MINE!'
I want that giddy feeling of knowing he desires me and loves me and wants me and and and.

I'm willing to work for it. I'm willing to trust that I can have it. I'm being told by him that once that feeling of infatuation is gone, it's gone. forever. that's it. The best you can hope for after the honeymoon period is over is just 'getting along'.

BLECH.

Now SH suggests to me that the honeymoon period doesn't HAVE to end. That he and his wife have been in that state for DECADES and have vowed never ever ever to settle for less than a romantic love. No wonder they are still together.

So, my question for the masses is:

Have any of you experienced a Romantic Love after an Affair, a cooling of love, after the honeymoon and years under the bridge, or is Marriage Builders just a golden carrot geared towards making us do the things we need to do just to 'get along'?

Yes.

bigkahuna -

Thanks for the hope I'll keep my fingers crossed till the end of the year. I figure I can last that long.

Raven are you actually legally married - you know - with a MARRIAGE LICENCE and certificate and would have to get a divorce to marry someone else. Or are you just "common law" married? I ask because your posts confuse me and there is the world of difference between the two.

Yes I have. And you have to work every day to meet the love of each other.

Any amounts of UA time is great. Just keep trying to increase it. My hubby and I hardly have UA time but we make it a point to get it in.

Big Kahuna,

I don't know how to be more clear. I've put this in plenty of threads and posts now, i'll try ONE MORE )$)$)#) TIME:

Yes, we would have to get a DIVORCE to marry someone else.

Common law marriage in texas is LEGAL, BINDING and just as "official" as anything else.

Why don't these people get this?

Texas: A man and woman who want to establish a common-law marriage must sign a form provided by the county clerk. In addition, they must (1) agree to be married, (2) cohabit, and (3) represent to others that they are married.

If you live in Texas and you "hold yourself out to be married" (by telling the community you are married, calling each other husband and wife, using the same last name, filing joint income tax returns, etc.), you have a common law marriage. Common law marriage makes you a legally married couple in every way, even though you never obtained a marriage license. If you choose to end your relationship, you must get a divorce, even though you never had a wedding. Legally, common law married couples must play by all the same rules as "regular" married couples. If you live in one of the common law states and don't want your relationship to become a common law marriage, you must be clear that it is your intention not to marry. The attorneys who wrote Living Together recommend an agreement in writing that both partners sign and date: "Jane Smith and John Doe agree as follows: That they've been and plan to continue living together as two free, independent beings and that neither has ever intended to enter into any form of marriage, common law or otherwise."

To have a common law marriage in Texas, you must do three things:
(1) have an agreement to be married
(2) hold yourself out to a third party as being married, and
(3) live together

Remember, while common law marriage in Texas has the same legal status as a ceremonial marriage, you have to get a formal divorce with either common law or ceremonial marriage.

http://library.findlaw.com/1999/Sep/1/131976.html
http://www.co.travis.tx.us/dro/common_law.asp
http://www.dshs.state.tx.us/vs/marriagedivorce/mdfaq.shtm

There is no such thing as common-law divorce. Once parties are married, regardless of the manner in which their marriage is contracted, they are married and can only be divorced by appropriate means in the place where the divorce is granted. That means, in all 50 states, only by a court order.

I keep getting attacked for not being "married" when that is not only untrue (we are married and in the eyes of the state have been for two years) but not even the POINT.

In our first session with Steve Harley, He went over our relationship and established that we WERE married and suggested we check with atty's on the matter which we did. Yes, we ARE married and legally have been since 2006.

So NO, there is NOT a WORLD of DIFFERENCE BETWEEN THE TWO.

We are legal, binding, require a divorce if we split up.

Frankly, I think it's a moot point. And I'm asking all the mods to please delete any and all topics, threads, comments from me, about me and relating to me and my situation. I'm tired of being attacked for all the wrong reasons.

I'm past trying to defend myself from all these people calling me married, divorced, stupid, a liar, cohabitation, just living together, living in sin, shacked up or otherwise.

It's hard enough being picked on for something I did wrong, it's almost unbearable to be called a liar for the wrong reasons.

The point of my posts was working on the RELATIONSHIP not debating whether or not my marriage was 'good enough' for the marriage builders forum.

BigK,

Read her thread that was locked. :RollieEyes:

'nuf said

Raven, I believe the answer to your question is "it depends". I don't believe that a couple can recapture the infatuation stage of their relationship, but I do believe that intimacy, love, and happiness can be sustained in a relationship.

In your case, and this is based solely on the information that you have provided on various threads, I do not think it is a realistic expectation. Your husband has made it clear that he does not have the same goals for the relationship that you do.

I understand your defensiveness about common law versus take-vows-get-marriage-license marriage. The reason that it is an issue in this forum is because there are differences in attitude whether you recognize it or not. The distinction is clearly made in the book "Buyers, Renters, Freeloaders". You seem to have a buyer's attitude, but your husband does not appear to share your attitude. You can not change his attitude. You can only decide if you will live with it or not.

You don't want to make a decision, but one needs to be made. You either accept him for who he is and learn to be happy playing by his rules, or you leave the relationship and look for someone that has the same goals for a relationship that you do.

1. You DON'T have an agreement to be married, because he has REFUSED to marry you.

2. When one person does this, such as you telling us (as a third party) that you are married, it doesn't mean you are. I could say that I am married to Harrison Ford...doesn't make it so.

3. He lives in YOUR house, works for YOUR business, and spends YOUR money. That one might get you half a credit.

The 3 criteria haven't been met. Therefore, you aren't married.

And I was roflmao with the comment about "backdating" the marriage.

committed