This is my first time on this site, or talking about my whole situation with anyone other then my husband. I am hoping that someone can give me some advice on how I should feel. I never stop thinking about everything. So let me get started, I will start by I am sorry this is really long.
My husband & I have been married for almost 9 years & I love him with everything I have in me, sometimes I don’t know why. We have 2 children ages 8 & 4. My marriage has been on the rocks for some times now, I just didn’t think to much about it. He had his life & I had mine, together we had the children. We never did anything just the 2 of us really. I lost a really good paying job, he went to jail we had a lot of stress to say the least. I still was blind to the problems we had. I just always figured that we would be together & this is just the way things were.
My sisters best friend asked me to be her babysitter after I lost my job. She & I become very close. Her child’s father & her split up & I started noticing that she was wanting my husband to do more things for her ( shovel walk, go bowling or golfing, ect..) . I often told my sister that the OW liked my husband, she would defend her & say that she would never do that.
Mean while we find out that I am pregnant in Feb 08. MY husband seems really happy. Much more then I was. He told everyone.
This hole time the OW & I would hang out a couple times a week. (She watched my kids, pick my kids up from school, ect) My thought was keep her close to me so I would know what she was up to. She wasn’t my husbands type so even throw I was sure she wanted him, I knew he would never want her. April 08, she asked my husband to go golfing with her after I had just told her not to that I wanted him to spend time with us (me & the kids) I let him go because he didn’t know I had just told her that. My sister told her that it really upset me & the OW called me saying how sorry she was & that she was just lonely & wanted someone to hang out with & I know her better then that, that she would never do anything to hurt me.I give her my option of asking another woman husband to hang out all the time & pretty much stop talking to her, sometimes she would text me & I would answer but that was it.
Mean while my marriage was heading more & more down hill fast. My husband worked out of town 2nd shift & would come home later & later stating that he went to bar with his male friend after he got back in town. Many times the sun would be up before he came home, I would yell & scream & we would fight about it. Some how I was so blind.
June 12th 08 he came home at 4 something am & we argued about it & he throw some clothes in a bag & left stating that he wanted a divorce. A few days later I talked him in to staying home until the baby is born. I truly thought that things would go back to “normal” after about 2 weeks of him still not telling me he loved me, barley even talking to me & still staying out at night,
I realized that I needed help this time to fix it. I don’t like talking to family & friends because everyone has a option, & unless you have been in my situation you don’t really know what you would do. So I turned to the internet for help. I found all sorts of save you marriage sites that were very helpful. I started making small changes to the way I handles things.
Over 4th of July we took the kids camping. We got a long really good, still very strained but still had fun together. After the couple weeks we had it was a nice start.
My sister had her bachelortte party July 19th 08 (1 day after my 31st birthday) Of course the OW was there is also in the wedding. My husband & I got in a hugh argument when I got home about me being out later then I said I would. I handled it the way my marriage helping site said to & we ended up sitting down & talking it was really nice, at 1st he said I was tricking him that I didn’t really mean to be nice, but in the end we really talked. Well he still went out but called while he was gone & came home about an hour later. At that point I truly thought things were going to look up.
July 27th 08 4:30am my husband had once again been out. I woke up to hearing loud talking outside I went to the bath room where I could hear better & heard my husband yelling OW name (just so happens to be my name also) in his cell phone that she never listens to him, & so on. I meant him at the back door & he said he was talking to me. Of course he wasn’t. He went out & sit in his truck & after a little while I went out there & calmly asked for the truth was there another woman & was it this person. He finely broke down & told me that it was her & he was in love with her. That she decided that she didn’t want anything to do with him because I was pregnant. He told me that nothing had ever happened between them that it was all emotional. That basically our marriage was to blame. I listened to everything he had to say & told him that if he truly loved her to go to her. He just stated that she didn’t want him.
Later that day, after having way to much time to think about it. I told him that if he was willing I was to start over. He agreed that I had been making great changes & would like to “try” to start over. That week went well we spent all of our free time together & he came straight home everyday after work. I was really nice. (still hasn't went out since or stayed out late after work)
Aug 2nd 08, The day before my sisters wedding, even though my husband was also in the wedding he couldn’t make it to the rehearsal because he still worked 2nd(was transferred to a location in town) Just seeing her made me so angry . I called my husband at work & told him I had to say something but I would do it when we were alone. Neither on of us wanted to ruin my sisters wedding. So I questioned the OW asked how she didn’t think I would find out about their emotional affair. She still denied her part blaming it all on him that she would never do that to me. I even emitted that if I would have been a better wife that it wouldn’t have happened. I even forgave her.
Aug 3rd 08 my sister had a beautiful wedding. I even got along with the OW. After the wedding a lot of us went to the bars. We had a great time! My husband & I were still getting along great.
Once we got back home he was texting someone & I caught the name & said oh I see we are back to that. He then explained that he was telling her that he was going to tell me everything, & she was very mad at him about it. Well he did tell me everything their affair was much more then just emotional & had started in Nov 07 & didn’t end until June 08, when she started feeling guilt about me being pregnant. He stated that he didn’t want her any more but he didn’t want my either. I was so hard to here that. I called my sister (yes on the 1st night of her honeymoon!) & cried to her until almost sun up. Of course she instantly hates the OW, who not only had been lying to me, was also lying to her.
Later that morning I called the OW & she still acted like nothing happened that she didn’t know what I was talking about. I did a little lying of my own & told her I had seen the text messages. She then admitted that they had sex once & was the biggest mistake of her life, how sorry she was & bah bah bah! ( to this day she is telling people that only happened once, & was biggest mistake of her life)
Later that day again after thinking what to do I very calmly explained to my husband that the last week had been one of the best of our marriage & that we could take the hard road & continue to work on the marriage or he could that the easy road & move out that day. I was up to him. He of course couldn’t believe that I was still willing. ( I married for better or worst) He chose to stay. He answered every question I asked (still does) know matter how much I ask. Some time within the next few weeks I had told him I would like him to give me my wedding ring back but not until he was ready to be my husband again, until he felt love for me, until he really meant it.
4 weeks after he came completely clean Aug 31st we joined a bowling league with my sister & her new husband. The OW is also on this league. I will give my husband credit he didn’t even look her way. I was so happy. That night we built a fire out back after the kids went to bed & was talking about the last month, how happy we both were & the he went & got my ring. He said he has something really important to tell me before he could put it on my finger & that I would likely change my mind & not want to be with him. I asked if she was pregnant. ( she works with my sister & had been sick. Sister still doesn’t talk to her) He said not her. That a old co worker (of a different race) is stating that she is pregnant & it is his. He swears that he didn’t have sex with her. That she is stating that he took her home one night when she was at a bar they had sex & he left. He states he knows he gave her a ride home( his friend confirmed it, but that he didn't really remember that) but swears that was it. He doesn’t remember the day, but that he was really drunk. He thought at 1st she was trying to get money out of him by threaten to tell me. He told her that he already did & that he was not giving money for an abortion. That its not his.
Sept 17th she had an ultrasound & texted him the due date is April 11th 09. He told her that he still doesn’t believe that anything happened between them, but if so & the baby is his that he will fight for custody. Of course we are both praying that its not true. Our relation is still getting better everyday & I truly love him so much. In less then 26 days I am having our 3rd child. Our marriage is what I had prayed for years it would be like.
Today Sept 22nd we bowled on the league with OW #1 still acting like we don’t see her there. Then the OW #2 sent him a picture of an ultrasound. I personly think that it looks like a fetus that is more like 5 months or so not 10 weeks. But what do I know.
My sister knows all about OW#1 but I haven’t told a sole about OW#2
I so badly want it all to be a lie. I don’t know if I can help raise a baby that he conceived with some one else, that is only 5 months younger then our daughter that we both agree was conceived to save our marrage. If that is the case then if this baby is his what was it conceived for:? I don’t know what to feel, how to think. I promised my self that I would give it a full year (Aug 3rd 09) before I made any changes.
Please any advice would be great. I love him & I do believe that he has been honest with me about everything else in the last month. I also know that when he gets drunk he does tend to not know what happens. He does answer everything I ask about either woman. I do believe he loves me. Is it enough? Sorry this is so very long I have had this bottled up & I just needed to get the whole thing out!

This is the craziest story I have ever heard! Maybe that's why nobody answered your post.

How could he not remember having sex with her? If he was sober enough to give her a ride home, than he was sober enough to remember what happened.

And why did HE have YOUR wedding ring?

You've been married for 9 years and from your post it seems like you've only had one good month with him? Something is very wrong with this picture. You are being lied to, If I were you I wouldn't believe one word H said.

If he is staying out all night and not coming home until the morning, he is with a woman. not with his buddies drinking.

Biggest line in the world "I was too drunk to drive so I stayed at so-and-so's house" I wish I could give you some words of comfort, but this is so off the wall, I don't know what to say.

ETA- forgot to ask, why was he in JAIL?????? Also- if the baby is his he won't get full custody of the OC, unless the OW is unfit in some way. ANd he certainly won't get custody if he's an ex-felon. ANd why would you want to take care of someone elses's baby full time??????

Maybe it's just me but there seems to be a lot of newbies posting with hard to believe stories this past week.

I think about one or both situations almost every second of every day. I don’t know how to stop the images that are in my head. I truly think they will drive me crazy.
OW#1 we both still see at the bowling alley & still have the same friends. Although since this has came out some of them don’t want anything to do with me, not sure why. I hate her so much. I just wish she would stop lying about what happened & take her responsibility for her part. I know my husband is equal to blame but he has come clean & answers any & all of my questions, but she acts like it’s no big deal. That nothing happened. What is no big deal to her has changed my life forever. She still works with sister & told people there her side, before my sister told anyone. She just keeps lying .
Then there is OW#2 I know that a few years back she & my husband worked together . (he swears nothing happened then) I meet her at a company outing , but don’t remember what she looked like. I know that she is older then him by 4 years & has 3 kids that are teens. She works at a bar now. I am thinking about paying her a visit there after the baby is born. My husband said that he will not go with me if I do. That he is never going there again. He also states that a friend as told him that since she has stated being pregnant as been drunk. I feel so mean, I think to myself that if she is I hole she miscarries. I don’t know what is wrong with me. I am pregnant myself & would never normally wish such a horrible thing on anyone.
Friday night my husband & I ran into a friend of his & his girl friend. After we left them he told me that the girlfriend left her husband for the friend. I said well that happens all the time look how close you came. He said don’t remind me of the Hugh mistake I almost made. I still don’t know how to feel about OW#1 she stopped the affair. I have asked him if she wanted him back would he leave & he said no. But I know he had thought he had true feelings for her.

I am not trying to defend him when I answer this. However when he dranks to much he does tend to forget things that have happen. I will tell him about it & he will have no clue what I am talking about. I hate to say this but he has drove when there is no way that he should be. & wonder how he got home.
I want very much to believe him about OW#2, because I truly do believe that he is telling me the whole truth about OW#1. He truthful didn’t have to tell me about OW#2 until after the baby is born & confirmed his, but he has been keeping me informed.
Since our recommitment to each other 7 weeks ago, he hasn’t been anywhere without me. We only have 1 car at this time, so I even take him to work & pick him up. I know 7 weeks isn’t very long, but it is a start.
In June when he first told me that he wanted a divorce, I gave him my wedding ring back. I was so hurt & angry that he could be acting that way when I was pregnant I didn’t even want the ring.
I have always loved him. However I was so wrapped up in the right way to be a mother/wife that I was only focused on taking car of our children & the house that I never did anything with him when he would ask. In time he stopped asking. I am certainly not blaming myself for his affair, but I do believe that he loves me. On one of my marriage helping e-mails I receive I read something that suck with me “ if you don’t have a love affair with your spouse then someone else will” I do believe that.
I should have realized that when he was staying out all night that something was wrong. He has since admitted to me where he really was. He has filled me in on way more then I ever wanted to hear.
I don’t know OW#2 but from the information I am gathering she often tries to get money out of people. I really don’t know. I don’t really know any other way to find out until the OC is born in April.
The jail time was a few years back, he was caught with some marijuana. He wasn’t in jail very long, but it did change him. It wasn’t a felony. He did stopped smoking it, however he now drinks more then he use to. I wouldn’t call him a drunk, but looking back now during his affair with OW#1 he did drank a lot, but so does she. I never put it together then. Since our 7 week recommitment he has stopped that.
Since I don’t know OW#2 I can’t say what kind of woman she is, but she did (if it happened) have sex with a man she knew was married & knew his wife is pregnant. So I can’t believe that she’s a wonderful person, but I have heard from my husbands friend that goes to the bar she works at that she is still drinking even after saying that she is pregnant, I also heard that she does drugs. I don’t want to raise her baby, I don’t even want it to be true, but at the same time I wouldn’t want any child not be taken care of.
I promised myself that I would give this recommitment a full year (Aug 03, 09) So I am going to do my best to see if we can repair our marriage.
We have been having weekly dates, we talk openly about both woman almost every day when I need to, or if OW#2 has sent him a text. I have also been keeping tract of the phone/text records & so far he hasn’t had contact with OW#1 at all, & The only thing from OW#2 is the texts that I have seen.
I don’t know he could still be lying to me. I honestly don’t think he is any more.
This is a very crazy story, I am going crazy with it everyday. My baby is due in 3 weeks & I just want her to have a good life, I don’t believe in divorce. My parents did it when I was 2 & it was very hard growing up with 2 different lives, families, birthdays, & Holidays. Not to mention they hated each other. I love my husband & my children to much to at least not give it one good try were, we are both working together to make our marriage work.
I don’t know what the out come will be, but at lease I can say I tried.
As of now I do believe it will work. Just the hole OC thing that really worries me. I don’t know if I am that strong.

Like I said before, this is the craziest story I have evr heard.

First off, if you are telling the truth........2+2=4-you are being lied to.

Your story is full of inconsistensies. First you said you "ended up" getting pregnat. Then you said you conceived this child to save your marriage. So which is it?

Why would you want to talk about both OW everyday if you are trying to repair your marriage?

Why would you go to the same bowling alley as OW #1? Surely you could find a different one to go to. You said a month ago at your sister's wedding you got along good with her, now you hate her? What puzzles me the most is that you said many of your friends have stopped talking to you-why would that be?





You said OW #2 has been seen drinking while pregnant. You said you all went out drinking after your sister's wedding.

You say your H doesn't remember what happened (this I do not believe) and this is typical when he drinks. If that's the case, those are Blackouts which would definitely put him in the category of an alcoholic.

You've has 7 good weeks from a 9 year marriage? That's truly sad.

You're going to pay OW #2 a visit AFTER the baby is born? WHY???
You must believe that H did have sex with her. ANy wife would confront her now, not later.

You also keep saying tha you H keeps saying "I almost made the biggest mistake of my life" If you've had a crappy marriage for 9 years, I doubt he would be saying things like that, considering he recently asked you for a divorce and said he was in love with OW #1.

Either this story is a total lie, or you are the most gullible (sp) person in the world.

You haven't gotten any responses because nobody believes this is true.

The facts just don't add up. I'm not buying it.

If you are telling the truth...........I feel sorry for you, because there is no way you could ever trust H again, and you sound desperate for the love of a two-timing cheater with 2 OW.

Let me start by saying Thank you, you see I am a very quite person who, doesn’t open up to very many people. I was looking for help, support & advise, & you jump in telling me I am a liar. I will explain my self the best that I can, then I am done I will not be back to this site. I don’t know you but I would never put someone down for opening up & needing help. It’s people like you that have taught me to keep my thoughts & feels to myself.

This is a crazy story, but tell me who on earth could or would make up something so horrible?
If my “story” is inconsistent a am sorry, that you didn’t understand what I was saying.

My pregnancies was an accident, however in the long run my H & I agree that it as most likely saved our marriage, because we are more willing to work on it.

Sometimes I need to talk about the OW because I need to hear more about it. I like reasons, & I need to find the reason behind what happened. It is also reassuring to me that he does let me ask my questions & is open to answering me, no matter what I ask. This is one of the things I was seeking advice about. I don’t know if it is good for rebuilding our marriage to talk about it. Thanks again for you advice there.

We live in a small town & I refuse for THEIR mistake to make me change my life style. I will not let OW#1 ran me away for the places I enjoy or doing things I enjoy.

Here is what I said …
Aug 2nd 08, The day before my sisters wedding, even though my husband was also in the wedding he couldn’t make it to the rehearsal because he still worked 2nd(was transferred to a location in town) Just seeing her made me so angry . I called my husband at work & told him I had to say something but I would do it when we were alone. Neither on of us wanted to ruin my sisters wedding. So I questioned the OW asked how she didn’t think I would find out about their emotional affair. She still denied her part blaming it all on him that she would never do that to me. I even emitted that if I would have been a better wife that it wouldn’t have happened. I even forgave her.
Aug 3rd 08 my sister had a beautiful wedding. I even got along with the OW. After the wedding a lot of us went to the bars. We had a great time! My husband & I were still getting along great.
Once we got back home he was texting someone & I caught the name & said oh I see we are back to that. He then explained that he was telling her that he was going to tell me everything, & she was very mad at him about it. Well he did tell me everything their affair was much more then just emotional & had started in Nov 07 & didn’t end until June 08, when she started feeling guilt about me being pregnant. He stated that he

Does that make sense I got along with her UNTIL I found out the rest of what really happened after we got home that night! Once hearing everything I HATE her!

I don’t know why they aren’t talking to me, I suppose she has told them something to make them think better of her, again something I was seeking advice on.

No what I said was…
After the wedding a lot of us went to the bars. I NEVER once said anything about drinking, I didn’t drank before I was pregnant & sure don’t do it now! You have a way of only reading what you want. OW#2 has nothing to do with my sister, or her wedding.

At this point I don’t care what you believe, about me or my H. You haven’t paid any attention to what I have said, so far so what difference does it make. If he drinks more then he should he doesn’t remember. I know other people that are like that, doesn’t make them alcoholics. Doesn’t mean anything other then they drink to much. Here I am defending him I didn’t want to do that. I just wanted advice on how to feel, what to think, & how not to go crazy!

I also didn’t say I only had 7 good weeks in my marriage. I said we have had problems. I think your marriage must not have been roses or you won’t be here either. I was simply saying that the last 7 weeks have been really good. I am sorry that I didn’t spell it out good enough!

I want to go confront OW#2 after I have MY baby. I am due soon & happen to be under enough stress to wait until after I have her. I don’t know what I believe. I do want to believe my husband, but I don’t know this woman, I don’t know if she wants to just cause trouble. Again something else I was hoping to get helpful advice on!

Our marriage is not crappy just had problems, that didn’t mean or doesn’t mean that we didn’t/ don’t love each other. Sometimes it takes something HUGH to wake a person up to what is really important to them. I have changed things that I have done in or marriage in the pass also because I to realize the importance of our marriage. Maybe this is what he is meaning. I don’t know only time will tell. Thank for you input about that also.

Let me just end by saying THANK YOU one last time. I was excited when I found this site. I read a few messages, & thought maybe this is what I need, someplace I can tell my story where no one knows me & I don’t have to feel like everyone is laughing at be behind my back, because I am still with him. Some place where I can talk to people who have had similar things happen to them. Where I can get helpful advice & answers to why I feel the way I do. Instead you have insulted me, & made me feel worst then I did before I opened up. I should have never told my story,. I guess I was right to keep everything to myself. I know matter what.

It really doesn't matter what I think or said. You don't have to leave the board because of me.

I am the ONLY one who posted to you, and my first post was not mean. I couldn't offer support because I had never heard of such a bizzare story.

Go read my threads, where I have asked veteran women on this site about your story. They all said that you weren't for real.

One even said "you didn't pass the sniff test"

Of course my marriage was/is in trouble for my H to have done this to me. We are in marriage counseling, and trying to work things out. That's the best I can do right now.

If I offended you, I'm sorry. but even you have to admit that you contradicted yourself many times. That is the ONLY reason I can see as to why nobody believed your story, or bothered posting to you.

If this is all true, then you and H need major counseling, and you shouldn't be under this kind of stress being pregnant.

I would be more worried about his drinking problem right now. I can honestly say that I have never met anyone who drinks and can't remember a thing the next day, who isn't an alcoholic.

Stay on the board, or leave it, That's up to YOU. Don't leave because of me. I'm nobody to you.

Hang in there! Keep reading old posts on the subject and don't listen to the negative comments. This is NOT the craziest story I've ever heard, especially if there's an alcoholic involved which greatly complicates things.
No one on here believed my situation either and I got attacked for it too. Some people are way too judgmental.

Hon,

Anyone that HAS an OC in their life knows the oddity of our sitches.

Please read all you can here...especially the articles by the Harleys. This place and (some of) these people saved me AND assisted in saving my marriage.

Signed,
The Queen of All Crazy Stories

So theres still communication with one of the OW? First I think you and your WH need to find a new bowling leauge to join. NC the OW. Theres no connection needing to be done and yes you will not see your friends you have gained but OW needs to be out of the picture

Onto the second thing on hand would be the OW that is pg with the possiblity of an OC. Well you wont know for sure till DNA is done when the little one arrives. So till then work you and your WH needs to work on your M and talk about the 'ifs' on the OC. The ultimate decision would be to try and get custody of OC if you want to raise it, without OW around. OR if your WH doesnt want anythign to do with OC to sign over his rights.

Keep reading the stories here on MB and ask any questions you can.