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Originally Posted By: MsMadeMistakesMy H is a really good guy too -- a blessing. I knew he was good natured and patient but I abused it without really even seeing the damage I was doing.
I have a guy friend at work that I talk to. He said that my H is going to let me stew for a good long while. I read on another site that the deeper the pain -- the longer the separation.
I hope for both of our sakes that our Hs will give us another chance.
This is NOT okay.(posted by MEDC)
I work with men -- 5 of them -- closely every day. I have for the last 8 years. The guy friend went through a divorce last year and is still battling with his wife with custody. He is also helping me along my journey through the Bible. MMM doesn't seem to see the problem with confiding in and getting marital advice from male co-workers. Hopefully some of the vets can help out.
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Originally Posted By: MsMadeMistakesMy H is a really good guy too -- a blessing. I knew he was good natured and patient but I abused it without really even seeing the damage I was doing.
I have a guy friend at work that I talk to. He said that my H is going to let me stew for a good long while. I read on another site that the deeper the pain -- the longer the separation.
I hope for both of our sakes that our Hs will give us another chance.
This is NOT okay.(posted by MEDC)
I work with men -- 5 of them -- closely every day. I have for the last 8 years. The guy friend went through a divorce last year and is still battling with his wife with custody. He is also helping me along my journey through the Bible. MMM doesn't seem to see the problem with confiding in and getting marital advice from male co-workers. Hopefully some of the vets can help out. Actions like this lead into EA then PA. You do not need someone at work to be your emotional support while you are trying to work on your marriage. If you do not have family or female friends to talk to....get a IC or an MC.
Me46
FWH42
Married 19 yrs
EA 4/07 - 4/08
(Confirmed by polygraph that it had not gone PA)
Dday1 4/13/08
Dday2 8/8/08
S26
S16
D10
Trying to Recover
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I am not a vet but I know enough to NOT get involved with someone for support of the opposite sex. It will lead to EA and PA just like JoJo said.
If you want to study the bible more then join the study group thru your church.
I know its difficult when you are a female with 5 guys around you at work but you need to have female friends not male friends. Theres a difference between a co worker and a friend. Remember that. Doesnt mean you cant talk to a male just means you do not have to share your deep dark secrets and family pains with the opposite sex.
Married 1996 4 wonderful children 16, 13 *OC*, 10, 7 FWW 30's FWH 30's My dday 1-2007 he came clean to me My story New beginings
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She's going down the slippery slope fast.
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YEP you guys are all right,, this person is playing with fire.
It is how it started with my hubby and his FOW, just co-workers, just work friends and ironically they dicussed Bible principals too... (must of missed that whole part about adultery in Proverbs).
FWH and I have learned alot about boundries and work relationships.
Me BS 46
FWH 50
married 29 years
seperated 6/03 (FWH lived with OW)
came home 2/04 many broken NC's, many false recoverys
But!! In full recovery now and for the most part doing great!
Ps 3 grown children and 2 awesome grands!
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Bible study is intimate. Any one on one study is intimate. What you're doing is wrong.
Study the Bible either in large mixed groups, or with women. Avoid the appearance of evil. This is a good policy, especially when the "appearance" of evil often becomes the evil itself.
A smooth sea never made a skilled mariner.
~ English proverb Neak's Story
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OMG!  OM used that bible **edit** on my wife. I guess the bible **edit** makes adultery ok? :RollieEyes:
Last edited by Maverick_mb; 09/25/08 12:52 PM. Reason: TOS Violation
I watch, and am as a sparrow alone upon the house top.
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could you modify your wording a bit? It will come across as offensive to some.
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Offensive to people who use religion to get in your wife's pants?
Offensive to hypocrites who discard you because circumstances out of your control no longer agree with their "morals?
Not a chance.
It's offensive to me the there's some sort of forgiveness club that just for the offenders and no justice for the betrayed.
I watch, and am as a sparrow alone upon the house top.
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thta's okay...it got taken care of.
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The most smug, arrogant, sanctimonious people I have ever met used the bible to get what they wanted.
Wether it be someone's wife or to silence someone they didn't agree with.
That is exactly what that woman is facing, and she is either wanting justification in her new found "bible study" or she is merely looking for a push from a cheerleader to make it ok, since it's what god wants as "fate" has brought them together.
I express my opinion blunt as I no longer have the ability to concentrate long enough to make it so eloquent, a side effect from the massive blood loss and brain injury, this sarcastic resonse is difficult enough.
I watch, and am as a sparrow alone upon the house top.
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The most smug, arrogant, sanctimonious people I have ever met used the bible to get what they wanted. I agree 100%. But the purpose of this thread is to help a poster that needs direction...not to debate your disgust at organized religion.
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Well, he is/was a lot like me in terms of how he treated his wife. He has learned a lot of lessons from his divorce and is trying to help me see the mistakes that I've made/continue to make.
He is very spiritual person and we often talk about the religion and the things we are learning from our respective churches.
I know that "guy friends" are supposed to be a no-no but our relationship is very brother/sister. Plus, we are from two different races and neither desires an interracial relationship.
So, given all that . . .there really is no chance of me getting into a relationship with him. her latest post on Divorced/Divorcing Perhaps a few vets can go over there and help her extract her head!
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I'm not a vet either, but I can't believe she can't see how inappropriate that is!! 
Me(bw/fww) 39
recovering with amazing fwh/bh 36
DS 7
DS 4
His
EA Oct '07 - 7/2/08 (d-day)
NC 7/4/08
Hers
EA/RA 6/'09-3/'10
NC 3/17/10
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I don't even know why I am posting here because it will just incite more anger in my direction but here it goes:
-- I have no male relatives that I can rely on for advice; my Dad is a mess on a daily basis and is not exactly a poster child for good marriages. My guy friend at work is the closest thing to a brother I've got.
-- I am in a support group that is mixed gender but you have to sign a contract not to get involved in a relationship with a member of the opposite sex. So there are other men who know about my marital issues.
-- I read the Bible a lot on my own and participate in an all women's bible study and an all women's group that are doing another christian book study.
-- My guy friend at work and I have been friends for years now and me and some other female friends supported him throughout his divorce -- when I was with my H -- who knew about this guy's situation.
-- My guy friend is now in a relationship with another woman and I am very excited that he has met a nice lady to possibly share his life with.
-- I don't eat lunch with him by myself -- we have a lunch group that support each other through a lot of life challenges (runaway children, cancer stricken parents, separations, divorces, etc.)
-- He and I do not see each other after work in any social engagements alone or otherwise.
-- We do not do Bible studies together. When we see scripture that may help each other, then we share it with the other. Scriptures about patience, holding the tongue, prayer, faith, marriage, etc.
-- I am not adulterous -- never have been; never will. I am separated but still married and until the ink is dry on the divorce papers I will not date or engage in a relationship with another man.
-- My husband works with mostly females and I know he has friendships with them. It has never been an issue with us and quite honestly, I don't think he gives a flying fart what I am doing with my life right now anyway. Regardless of what anyone here thinks, I'm not a cheater.
-- I am not a "Bible thumper" where I've found God and God wants me to be married to my H due to fate. God has been there all along and I chose not to foster that relationship until now. I know I've sinned and asked God for forgiveness and I do that each night because I know what I've done to my H. I also understand that just because I have repented does not mean that God will take away the earthly consequences of those actions. So I pray for the wisdom to change and I pray that God will soften my husband's heart toward me.
-- I have a lot of people praying for me, my H and our marriage. And yes, those people know the things I've done. Friends and family don't want either me or my H to hurt.
I am very sorry to hear that many of male-female relationships have turned into affairs and those affairs destroy marriages. I don't believe that anything would justify an affair.
I am also very sorry to hear that the Christian God has been used to justify affairs. I know of some folks whose wayward spouses have used that excuse and it is terrible and insulting to the Christian faith.
I wish I could share the things I am learning with my H and I would love if we could go to church together. That is not something he has been interested in the past nor is interested in doing now.
Okay Gang -- I've got my armor on -- let me have it . . .
Last edited by MsMadeMistakes; 09/26/08 08:51 AM. Reason: misstated the underlined item above
Me: 32
H: 37 - left 4/3/08
No children
Married 9 years; together 12 years
"Faith is the confidence that what we hope for will actually happen; it gives us assurance about things we cannot see." (Hebrews 11:1)
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Just a matter of time until you are doing a horizontal dance with this divorced 'friend'.
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Uh, no. . .did you just not read the above?
Me: 32
H: 37 - left 4/3/08
No children
Married 9 years; together 12 years
"Faith is the confidence that what we hope for will actually happen; it gives us assurance about things we cannot see." (Hebrews 11:1)
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-- I have no male relatives that I can rely on for advice; my Dad is a mess on a daily basis and is not exactly a poster child for good marriages. My guy friend at work is the closest thing to a brother I've got. So what? This makes risky stupid acts OK? -- I am in a support group that is mixed gender but you have to sign a contract not to get involved in a relationship with a member of the opposite sex. So there are other men who know about my marital issues. Yeah - I had a contract with my wife too that specified an exclusive romantic relationship. Didn't mean squat when she had an affair. -- My guy friend at work and I have been friends for years now and me and some other female friends supported him throughout his divorce -- when I was with my H -- who knew about this guy's situation.
-- My guy friend is now in a relationship with another woman and I am very excited that he has met a nice lady to possibly share his life with. Many affairs start this way. You ARE playinf with fire - a very dangerous game.
Me: 56 (FBS) Wife: 55 (FWW)
D-Day August 2005
Married 11/1982 3 Sons 27,25,23
Empty Nesters.
Fully Recovered.
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My husband works with mostly females and I know he has friendships with them. It has never been an issue with us and quite honestly, I don't think he gives a flying fart what I am doing with my life right now anyway. Regardless of what my H thinks, I'm not a cheater. Why does your husband accuse you of cheating and with whome does he think you cheated on him with??? If you really want him to reconsider AND he thinks you are a cheater...isn't any close "friendships" with any men dangerous just simply for the likely inference your beloved husband MAY make? Shouldn't you be behaving above and beyond reproach??? Mr. Wondering
FBH(me)-51 FWW-49 (MrsWondering)
DD19 DS 22 Dday-2005-Recovered
"agree to disagree" = Used when one wants to reject the objective reality of the situation and hopefully replace it with their own.
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My husband works with mostly females and I know he has friendships with them. It has never been an issue with us and quite honestly, I don't think he gives a flying fart what I am doing with my life right now anyway. Regardless of what my H thinks, I'm not a cheater. Why does your husband accuse you of cheating and with whome does he think you cheated on him with??? If you really want him to reconsider AND he thinks you are a cheater...isn't any close "friendships" with any men dangerous just simply for the likely inference your beloved husband MAY make? Shouldn't you be behaving above and beyond reproach??? Mr. Wondering I mis-typed that statement -- my H has never accused me of cheating and does not suspect me of cheating now. I meant to say: Regardless of what anyone here thinks, I'm not a cheater.
Me: 32
H: 37 - left 4/3/08
No children
Married 9 years; together 12 years
"Faith is the confidence that what we hope for will actually happen; it gives us assurance about things we cannot see." (Hebrews 11:1)
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