Hi,

I was thinking of eighter both FWH and I doing counciling or FWH doing an IC with Dr. Harley, we only can afford 1 session right now (it is expensive for us, maybe once a month we can afford it). Do I just sign up for it w/o him having any background. Sometimes I think FWH needs a little IC. Mostly I bring up things that is wrong with me or that I see have been going wrong and then he would talk and be up front. But he rarely starts those types of conversations.

So he locked out of our marriage because he felt things wasn't getting better but then we would still do things together, so I didn't know it was that bad for him. As he was here in person, we ate at the same table, watch movies but it was almost as if we was roommates at times. We are doing much much better now though(we are back to our playful selves like when we just meet) but I just don't want him to shut down like that again and it seems like he is the type when things get to hard he shuts down so sometimes I wonder if IC would be good for him. Does Dr. Harley do IC with one spouse or is it better that both of us do it together?

I know we wasn't meeting each other ENs. I was/am having trouples with a dry and easy bruised vagina(that wasn't always the case, it is a mystery how it happened), I should have gone to the dr. long ago, but I guess I am one of them that try to self-medicate/fix it. So because of the pain, SF wasn't the best at times, sometimes it was ok, but then my conversational and spending quality time together wasn't being meet, hence I never actually got in the mood. Now that we are having convo and spending time together SF is actually much better even though it is a little bruise still. I have now seen a NP and they still doesn't know what is wrong as from just observing everything looks fine, except the bruise.

Anyways, now I wonder what if something was to happen to me, I get some illness. Would he not be there for me, would he find somebody else to do his SF? Can Dr. Harley open his head to life is hard at times. I will admit, we was dealing w/ this issue for a few years, and I do take responsibility for not seeing a dr sooner.

wow..I do type alot huh? I need learn to condense things, no wonder all the teachers use to send be to the English Center.

From what you posted, you seem to be looking for marriage or individual counseling to "fix" your husband.

It doesn't work like that. You can only "fix" yourself, and your H will join you on your journey or not. Frequently when one spouse starts bettering the relationship, the other spouse notices and follows suit. It does not happen quickly; it takes several weeks or a few months. The other spouse has to have time to notice the changes and realize that they are permanent and not some new fad.

Does your H want counseling?
Individual, marriage, or both?

What do you hope to gain from counseling that doesn't involve your husband making any changes?

FWH will do counseling if I want to. I guess I just don't want a repeat and he is not a researcher/reader. I have sent him the articles on Dr. Harley's website, I don't think he has read any yet (he is also in school, taking 2 classes so he has hw to do also). I was thinking it will be better to just pay for him to get the info or to make a recovery plan that involves doing things together. I get overwhelm reading all the info. So far I need to print and have us do the EN Questionaire and after that I am not sure...Right now we are doing alright, I guess I do need to gave it more time.