FWH confessed about 2 weeks ago to an A. He was w/ her 5times over a span of 5months. He ended it about 2 months ago, I guess after the 'fog left'. And said he needed to get it off his chest because he wanted us to start over and be happy the way how we once was and this needed to come out before we could move foward.
Things I want to say and ask but not sure if I should.
Why do you close up everything. You don’t talk about your other life – your job and friends, it is like you want to have a secret life and that doesn’t work as we see. How was I to know you had a ‘friend’ or was interesting in somebody or was so close to breaking your vows if you never talk what else goes on in your life. When I ask, I get the same plain answer, ‘work was fine’, ‘it’s just work, normal drama’, ‘why you want to be in my biz’. THIS IS EXACTLY WHY I WANT YOU TO TALK TO ME ABOUT YOUR ‘LIFE’ and be in YOUR BIZ. This is our marriage, 2 people join not 3. Someone was brought into this marriage w/o my consent, knowledge and against my will. This feels so unreal, this can’t be happening to me.
Sometimes I can’t get the image out of my head – you there lying next to someone else, both of you naked, having relations with her, seeing her in her personal space she in yours, in our space. Showing each other how you act in your passion. Did you ever think about me? What were your thoughts as you went to her, as you did her, as you had your moment and she got to know you and you her. Then came home to me. I trusted you. Was it all worth it? It may have “just happened” the first time, but you continued the affair for several months, deliberately hiding it and deceiving me. You made the decision to continue the affair by traveling to her place on your own accord. I am having a hard time getting my head around this. Can you stop yourself from falling again?
I see you around the place looking like nothing has happened to our family, like our vows was not broken and I wonder if you even think about the hurt you have caused me, the pain and suffering. I cannot believe I am in this situation, that you would do this to me - for better and for worst, through sickness and through health, through thickness and thin, till death do us part. I feel you shut down and don’t want to deal with the worst, the thinness, and the sickness.
I had no idea for those 5months you would be doing something like that, and then go to the park with me and hold my hand and hug me or go to the grocery store and put your hand around me. How could you lie to me for 5 months, have me pick you up after being w/ your [censored] and look me in the eye as I ask ‘how was your day’ ‘how did your studying go’ and gave the same old answer ‘fine’ over and over. Yes we were having problems, your needs wasn’t being meet as you wanted. I didn’t cut it off completely even though it hurt, though at times it wasn’t bad. My needs weren’t been meet either, as I wanted. We BOTH needed to get over OUR OWN NEEDS and please each other, not find somebody else.
FWH, you have hurt me more than you can ever know. And sometimes I feel as if you don’t even think about it. Almost like ‘oh well, that is just the state I was in, get over it’. I want to get pass this. It is all still new to me. It hurts, it hurts really bad. Some days are better than some.
It is easy for you as you just want to but this behind, it is not as easy for the person that was betrayed, so once again have patience, understanding and try to make me feel like you want to work it out also.
On the other NOTE:
Even after this ordeal, I have struggle with my decision about us and have decided to work this all out. I like the way we are now communicating with each other. I have even started to have those emotion and sexual feelings towards you when we play touch, ect… Unfortunately sometimes it is ruin with images of you and her, but I don’t show it as I know with time it will get better. I want us to be completely honest and transparent with each other in our lives, jobs, friends, thoughts, feelings, emotions and needs from here on. THIS CANNOT HAPPEN AGAIN! I NEED you to talk to me about things you consider important, not important or no use because I don’t know the person. I NEED us to be each other best friend. I know that means that some things that are said may lead to a ‘lecture’/’discussion’ that sometimes we want to ignore but if it leads to such a discussion then it was something that needed to be discuss. When I use to tell you about my job and people there and anyone that might like me you use to lecture me about it, sometimes I didn’t care for the lecture but it was needed and it didn’t stop me from sharing information about ‘things of that nature’ in the future.
I also wonder if there was no child involve if it would have been different. We would have had more time to spend together. Finding time alone to do things is something we have to determine to do. I need to feel like you actually want to spend time with me, just like you want me to want you sexually. We need to get together and discuss what will make us happy and actually do them for each other, whether at times we don’t feel like it. Of course we should not all together neglect our own feelings, but we need to make sacrifices for the sake of the marriage.
I need you to be patient w/ me in this recovery as I go up and down in my emotions. It may seem to you that I should be over it already, but my point of view and yours are different. I need to regain my trust in you, accept this thing has actually happened, stop trying to make sense of this thing, come to grips that you are not as strong as I once held you up to (that anyone can fall).
I know that with the way things have been going so far that we can be happy with each other again and I pray that we continue on this path.
I have started to feel like I do want you to send a no-contact letter to the other woman. I know you all have not talked nor had any contact, but I want her to know she is never to call you or have any contact with you ever again.
Last edited by ANewBeginning; 09/26/08 12:02 PM.
oh thanks