To make a long story short, my WH and I met when I was 15 (I am 32 now). We married when I was 18 and he was going into the Navy. He was the only boyfriend I had ever had. About 7 years into the marriage, I had a ONS that I regretted instantly and kept quiet for @ 5 years-I didn't want to hurt him, although he had fooled around with a few girls overseas while we were engaged..which broke my heart. Anyway, I have a lot of health problems-Lupus and Severe Rheumatoid Arthritis. One night I had let the info about the ONS slip after taking some pain medication. He was upset but since it was so long ago and just once we got through it.
I just found out 2 months ago that he had been having an A with a coworker that lasted 2 years. The A stopped when I immediately told everyone we knew about it and made him choose between his family and OW. He is trying to help me through it, but my problem is that I can't stop obsessing over the SF of the A. I try thinking of other things, keeping myself busy, etc but it is in my mind at all times. I am so tired of crying for hours each day over it. We have had SF a few times but I picture it in my head of what he was doing with the OW and did she do certain things better-she is thinner than me, is he thinking about that, etc? The first time they were together they got a hotel and showered together. He got into the shower with me and I nearly had an anxiety attack. I cried for the rest of the afternoon. I am on antidepressants already. Its getting to the point where he is afraid to talk about anything because I get triggered so easily. How do I go on? How do you ever have SF again without thinking about the positions, etc he and the OW engaged in and focusing on the fact that he enjoyed it so much? I am just about at the end of my rope mentally.

Well, glad you have found us. It is a good place to be under the circumstances.

It takes several years to recover from the betrayal of an affair, although it does get less and less painful as time goes on. So join the crowd. There are many here going through the same thing as you are.

The more you have SF (assuming he got tested for STD's), the easier it will become not to dwell on the past.

Has he given you a reason for the affair? Has he figured out what precautions he needs to take to keep it from happening again?

I am sorry about what you're going through. I too had the same images in my head and all I can say is that it does go away in time. It's been a year since I discovered and I still have some days where I think about that but it's very little. It's harder than you imagine but it will happen.

I hope things get better!