So here is a quick summary of my situation.

I am in the Air Force and was deployed for a year. I just got home in August. Well in July close friends to my wife and I emailed me and told me my wife was cheating on me. I confronted her by email and she denied all of it, she said this other man was her friends husband and that they were just friends. I noticed my wifes behavior with me online had changed, as well as her dress and our finances which she handled while I was gone were being severly abused. I got home in August and discovered video and photos of them together and him in my bed. What really hurts is that all of this was not done in a way to keep it secret, but our 6 year old son was exposed to it. He often tells me of how mom and this man took him on vacation and how he slept in mommies room and how they kissed. I have also discovered that my wife was seeing an old ex from middle school back in December and she flew him on my bill to come and stay a few days with her and my son.

I just found Marriage Builders tonight and I may have blown plan A already. I have not been very nice to her as a matter of fact I have become a miserable jerk and have done alot to make her jealous (thinking that would bring her back to me). I am bitter and hurt because I am a faithful man and I trusted her with my life. Well yesterday her and another woman who just left her husband and three kids moved into their own apartment. She left me with my son (thank you Lord!) and took all that was hers from the house. I talked to my wifes friends husband and he informed me that my wifes relationship with the other man is still ongoing, despite me turning him in to his First Sergeant. He is not supposed to even be around her but they would sneak away to be together. Now that my wife has moved out I know they are together.

So what do I do? Do I initiate plan A even though I have been a jerk since finding out about her infidelity? Or do I go into plan B since she is moved out? Maybe a little of both? Please give me advice...anyone!

AirForce,

First, Thank you for your service to our country!! Not a great homecoming but I am glad you're back!

Second, welcome to MarriageBuilders! It's not a club any of us wanted to join but it is the very best place to find the help, support and advice you need.

OK, you haven't blown Plan A. You haven't really started it yet. Your reaction was typical, completely normal for the circumstances. BUT it is not what you will learn to do on Marriage Builders to save your marriage. What Dr Harley suggests is totally contrary to your instinct but it is often successful.

Please consider moving your thread to the General Questions II forum. You're going to need alot of help & advice and you'll get the most responses on that forum. We also have quite a few military that can help you with that aspect. To move your thread, either copy & paste a new topic there or hit the Notify Mods icon on the bottom of your post and ask the mods to help you.

AirForce, please continue to post. Ask questions, consider all suggestions, and keep us updated. You are NOT alone!!

I started you a thread over on GQII so you will start getting responses as soon as possible. Nerly is right - you haven't begun Plan A yet, and will be able to start right away with saving your marriage.

Look for Suviving an Affair on Amazon or ebay for some really good deals. Read some of the great success stories on MB. This will be hard, but you can do it.

Oh, and every time you can get proof that OM is still sneaking around your WW, keep on busting him to his CO.