Update:

I had a suprise visit home from my wife this week, to take care of some business for her command, even though her deployment doesn't end for another few months. I decided to stick with the Dr. Harley plan to just Plan A her for now. That didn't mean that I could not snoop though, so when she left the house, I fired up her laptop to look around.
It only took a few minutes to learn that she was having another affair with a deployed servicemember. I felt the remaining love that I had for her simply evaporate. I have been killing myself for the last 1.5 years, trying to give her a chance to redeem herself for her first affair. I asked for 4 things:

1) Full disclosure of what happened
2) Discussion of why it happened, boundaries, marital issues, etc..
3) Introspection and discussion regarding emotional needs
4) Commitment to filling emotional needs and dealing with conflict in a healthy manner.

She has instead spent those 18 months continuing to lie to me while blaming her hesitation to meet my requirements on the fact that I am not over the affair (wtf?). And now she is having another affair. I sat and listened all this week as she told me lie after lie regarding her life over there, as she emailed him every morning to discuss how it was with me (which is not how she was acting by the way). Even on the last day she was emailing him and telling him she couldn't wait to come "home", all while she was crying and telling me she loved me and didn't want to go back.

She has even been talking about adoption lately and sending me books to read about the process. She also emailed me a few weeks ago and told me she had nightmares about the affair and didn't want to go to sleep ever again. All of this while she was actively involved in another affair (since the very beginning of August at least). I am literally, struck speechless. Cognitive dissonance is the only term I can come up with to describe her behavior. Anyways, there is no point to psychoanalysis. This marriage is over. I will never be able to forgive or respect her again. Now, I simply want to obtain a divorce as simply and quickly as possible. I asked her for strength in recovering from the affair, and she chose the coward's path at every turn. I feel sorry for her really. Again, she will be left with nothing.

Thanks for listening.

By the way, she still doesn't know that I'm aware of her current affair. She thinks we had a great visit and learned how to be around each other and be happy again. She went from withdrawn but courteous when she arrived to crying that she had to leave within a 5 day period. I need to break the news to her, her parents, and my family within the next few days, but I just feel like I need a break for a bit.

I'm sorry that you had to endure all that sewerage.

Nevertheless, resolution is a positive.

Rest and recoup as much as you need, but when you're ready, I hope you meant what you said earlier, since what you've discovered goes WAY beyond "talking" to a "former" "lover". Reality bites. Give it some teeth.

No, I won't be exposing the affair to her command. There is no point. She will either learn or not learn in her own time. I am not interested in reconciliation and have informed her that I will be filing for divorce. She has told her parents and I have begun informing my family. I will also be calling her parents to say goodbye personally. I just want this nightmare to be over, and I will not try to harm her career out of spite. Her punishment will be to continue living the way she has been while she learns how fleeting that sort of happiness is.

I hope she matures and reflects back on the last 2 years, and I hope she can find true happiness that is based on her own sense of worth rather than how random guys make her feel.

On a side note, I think I am going to start completely over. I'll be moving back up to the NJ/NY area to be closer to family, and I'll probably go back to school and get a second degree in order to start a wholly new career. I was thinking something in the biology/chemistry/natural sciences fields. While I'm sad right now, the future is bright.

Hi Andrew,

I am so sorry you have had to endure such betrayal. Did you tell her you know about OM#2?

I am so glad you don't have children. I like your plan for your future! You are still young and you have your whole life ahead of you! The only thing I can promise you is that you will be happy again someday. Take care.

I'm not sure that letting her loose on the world, comparatively unscathed, to wreak havoc in other unsuspecting women's marriages (since she didn't learn anything this time around because there were no professional consequences) is really best for anybody--even your wife. But however you choose it, I certainly hope things work out well for you personally. Good luck with the new career and life.

Yes, I told her I knew about OM and named him by name. She did not even try to deny it. She just said that she felt so emotionally disconnected from me. I started to express my displeasure of that statement, because after all, she feels disconnected because she walled herself off in order to avoid dealing with the consequences of her first affair. Circular thinking at its finest.
I stopped myself before I got upset though. There is no point in the anger now. Just time to move on.