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I have come to really distrust and dislike the phrase "moved on" when used in context with discussion of the days, weeks, months, yes even years following infidelity infidelity is grieved like a DEATH the world is so knocked off it's axis when infidelity does it's damage that there is no such thing as "moving on" - you cannot "move on" - the Earth has stopped spinning gravity ceases to exist Maybe it's just me, but when I see "move on" or "moving on" in this context I want to  Do we tell our good friends to "move on" when his/her spouse dies? I sure as heck don't. Yes, we do need to continue living our lives - however there is a grief process and a destruction of foundation here that cannot be brushed aside as if we were moving furniture to a different location .... it's just a rant you can add your rant after mine - subject of your choice Pep
Last edited by Pepperband; 09/29/08 08:29 PM. Reason: change title
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I don't much care for the moving on statements either. But here's my rant (if a FWS is permitted to have a rant)  .... I just want to scream NO, NO, NO every time I open a BS's thread and seeing that they've let their WS's come home without ever raising the bar. They settle for mere crumbs, and they deserve so much better than that. Just like my wife did a year ago. She accepted my crumbs. Next time around, she raised the bar so high I had to take jumping lessons and wear a parachute to even get a shot at coming home.
Recovery began 10/07;
Meeting my wife's EN's is my "thank you" that refuses to be silenced.
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tst:
given the nature of your rant, would you please check out VL22's thread??
Me-41 BS (FWS) DH-41 WS (FBS) 2DD's- 10 and 12 Married 15 years Separated for 2 years after my A Reconciled for 1 year before his A D-day for his A 8/23/05 WH moved out 9/16/05 Divorce final 1/23/07 Affair ended or month or so later My Story
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A rant thread? Stand aside! I'm coming in!!
The word I hate to hear is
HAPPY .
As in 'The important thing is that she's happy'.
Or 'They weren't happy together'.
Or "You've got a right to be happy."
...where what's meant by 'happy' is... temporarily buoyed up by a mixture of external stimuli and fantasy , or freed from uncomfortable stress.
No concept of 'happiness' as something subtle and profound, arising as a by-product of coping with stress, using the troubles of life to grow yourself as a human being, the steady increase of confidence and self-worth.
It makes me want to bite bricks.
TA
"Integrity is telling myself the truth. And honesty is telling the truth to other people." - Spencer Johnson
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I have come to really distrust and dislike the phrase
"moved on"
Do we tell our good friends to "move on" when his/her spouse dies? Actually, I think 'get over it' is the more inappropriate phrase that people often use. As in: "Well, if he can't get over it, then it's his own fault" Like you said, would people ever say that to someone who lost a child or family member?
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How about, "Get over it, will you, and move on!"  Always spoken by the betrayer of course. kirk
CORDUROY PILLOWS ARE MAKING HEADLINES!!
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IRL people saying "He doesnt want you anymore, get the message" and "there's plenty more fish in the sea."      IRL people have less care for my M than complete strangers on the other side of the world.  MBers'
Recovered marriage, recovering self, life gets better everyday 
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hope that whole 'moving on' thingy doesn't apply to us BS's who are totally done and ready to move on. I'm ready to MOVE FORWARD--okay, maybe moving forward is a better descriptive.  I've grieved a great deal.  I'm sure there's more to be done. I'm just not interested in giving any more of myself to a half-witted wayward husband. So, maybe I'm movin on UP...
Me-BS-38
Married 1997; son, 8yo
Divorced April 2009
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Like someone else said "get over it" really pisses me off. How do you just "get over" the worst, most painful betrayal you could ever endure? How do you just get over having your world turned upside down, inside out, and being forever changed (read: scarred) by the experience? You never look at life or relationships the same way again. You never trust people like you did before. There's no "getting over" that.
Me(bw/fww) 39
recovering with amazing fwh/bh 36
DS 7
DS 4
His
EA Oct '07 - 7/2/08 (d-day)
NC 7/4/08
Hers
EA/RA 6/'09-3/'10
NC 3/17/10
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Ok, my rant.
I know of a young woman who has cheated on her H multiple times.
Her MySpace page currently lists a couple of her favorite quotes. such as:
"The greatest challenge in life is to find someone who knows all your flaws, differences, and mistakes, and yet still sees the best in you!"
and
Life is too short to wake up in the morning with regrets. so love the people who treat you right, forget about the ones who don't, and believe that everything happens for a reason
ugh
Married 18 years
D Day June 25, 2003
Divorced December 17, 2003
Newly married to a wonderful man!
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It makes me want to bite bricks.
TA 
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So, maybe I'm movin on UP... You are healing .... a very good thing indeed.
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Originally I could not think of one but I just did... We're just  FRIENDS!!!!! I mean, come on....do you need to be knocked on the head with reality? You're not supposed to be FRIENDS with the trash you work with!!!! sorry...got a bit off topic there.
Me 44, H 42, DS 16, DS 13
H/EA 4/07, D Day 10/17/07..
500th d-day 10/14/08...
NO RAIN...NO RAINBOWS!
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Like someone else said "get over it" really pisses me off. How do you just "get over" the worst, most painful betrayal you could ever endure? How do you just get over having your world turned upside down, inside out, and being forever changed (read: scarred) by the experience? You never look at life or relationships the same way again. You never trust people like you did before. There's no "getting over" that. I hear ya. Another one is "well things could be worse" Well no [censored] but that doesn't mean the situation doesn't suck balls without adding more crap to it. Would you tell a rape victim, "well it could be worse...you could be dead.?" Like those are comforting words. :RollieEyes: Another one is "your marriage can be better than ever." No it can't. It is scarred forever. While there can still be a good and happy marriage, it will never be what it could have been.
BW - me
exWH - serial cheater
2 awesome kids
Divorced 12/2011
Many a good man has failed because he had a wishbone where his backbone should have been.
We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face... we must do that which we think we cannot.
--------Eleanor Roosevelt
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Last edited by Pepperband; 10/02/08 10:55 AM. Reason: this PARTICULAR rant is fiction - but you get my point!
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I hate it when people say to me(bw) DON'T YOU DARE TAKE HIM BACK!!!! or YOU CAN'T POSSIBLY WANT HIM BACK? My WH has given me the "I'M HAPPY NOW' speech could have fooled me that he was unhappy??? WH's latest is IT'S IMPOSSIBLE FOR ME TO COME BACK,ITS BEEN NEARLY 2 YEARS....MAYBE IN A MONTH OR TWO WE CAN GET TOGETHER AND TALK ABOUT IT. WTF??I was dumbfounded...I just kept quiet and walked away.
BS;ME43,WH45
DS19,DS16
DDay:6Dec06
WH left12Dec06
DIV:3Dec08
WH marries OW 21days later!
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People that I really like, who say they are in mourning, and then don't tell me (or us) what's going on.
People who probably ought to ask, but don't. (Didn't)
I'm asking now......
SS
I think sometimes about all the pain in the world. I hope we can ease that here, even if only a little bit.
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Being as I lost a spouse to death...yes, they do say that, all of the time! Most people who lose a spouse to death, also lose their friends.
Enacting life's lessons into positive change... .
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Okay, here's mine...
"It's not that big a deal"
Wow! That's relative...it may not be "that big a deal" to the WS, but it sure is "that big a deal" to the BS!
The other is...
"She didn't mean anything to me"
Right. That's why he lived with her for two months. That's why he told her about his childhood. That's why he took he for a ride on our Harley and let her use MY helmet. That's why he spent all his time with HER instead of ME.
Enacting life's lessons into positive change... .
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"She didn't mean anything to me" That one is like a double edge sword. While on one hand the BS doesn't want the OP to mean anything to the WS, for the WS to say this is basically saying "I was willing to [censored] up our whole life for someone who means/meant absolutely nothing to me"....Nice. I don't know which one is worse...???
BW - me
exWH - serial cheater
2 awesome kids
Divorced 12/2011
Many a good man has failed because he had a wishbone where his backbone should have been.
We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face... we must do that which we think we cannot.
--------Eleanor Roosevelt
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