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In love with someone who is bad for you.
#2134104 09/30/08 04:44 AM
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LakeOfFire
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Ive been reading here for some time, but this is the first time I am posting. Ive learned quite about relationship do's and dont's but one thing I have yet to see is an answer to the questions of is it possible for two people to be in love with each other but have it be to the detriment of themselves? Can two people who love each other be better without each other?

If that is the case, how do they learn to let go and move on when the love is always going to be there?

LakeofFire
Re: In love with someone who is bad for you.
LakeOfFire #2134107 09/30/08 04:51 AM
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How is this someone bad for you?

But I, being poor, have only my dreams; I have spread my dreams under your feet; Tread softly because you tread on my dreams -Yeats
Re: In love with someone who is bad for you.
imagine #2134108 09/30/08 05:12 AM
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Well, thats a bit of a long story and will take some time to explain. I will write up a "my story" and post it later today.

I suppose in a nut shell the answer would be that although we seem to love each other, we bring out the worst in each other.


Re: In love with someone who is bad for you.
LakeOfFire #2134117 09/30/08 06:41 AM
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Are there any underlying personal issues that need to be taken care of from either end?

My husband and I were bad for each other. In our case, we both had to go into therapy to fix/heal ourselves. Now we are at a point where we can really work on our relationship.
Re: In love with someone who is bad for you.
inrecoverynow #2134119 09/30/08 06:54 AM
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"Are there any underlying personal issues that need to be taken care of from either end?"

I could write about about my personal issues alone and another longer book about the personal issues we both have / or I should say had in our relationshp

will post a story later today, I need to put everything down and paraphrase it so its not 19 pages long. Easier said than done.
Re: In love with someone who is bad for you.
LakeOfFire #2134129 09/30/08 07:21 AM
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It happens all the time. I loved my first H. He nearly put me in the hospital on several occassions. He was definitely bad for me. Your question is about 2 people who love each other - I'm sure he loved me in his own way, destructive though it may be. Get out if you can. I would have left regardless - if not willingly in a body bag.
Re: In love with someone who is bad for you.
LakeOfFire #2134136 09/30/08 07:59 AM
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Shrek's Swamp
Originally Posted by LakeOfFire
Ive been reading here for some time, but this is the first time I am posting. Ive learned quite about relationship do's and dont's but one thing I have yet to see is an answer to the questions of is it possible for two people to be in love with each other but have it be to the detriment of themselves? Can two people who love each other be better without each other?

If that is the case, how do they learn to let go and move on when the love is always going to be there?

LakeofFire

It is not unusual for 2 people to be attracted to each other BECAUSE their union functions as a way to "fix" past hurts. In other words, the attractive part of the relationship is the flaws each carries. The "love" is not actually about awe and admiration for the best qualities other person brings, instead the "love" is about the unrealized hope and challenge of fixing one's past.

Example:

It is not unusual for a person raised in an alcoholic home to be attracted to an alcoholic. The relationship is a chance to "win back" the lost love and lost tenderness they did not get from their parent.

A person raised in an abusive home will often be attracted to an abuser.

A person raised by an emotionally unavailable parent may compensate by being attracted to an unavailable person or a gushing well of emotionality.

LINK ~~> Carrot/Stick of Plan A

LINK ~~> Buyers/Renters/Freeloaders
Re: In love with someone who is bad for you.
Pepperband #2134139 09/30/08 08:07 AM
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I dont think its that, well at least not from my perspective. But it possibly could be from my spouses perspective.

I never understoof the attraction to me, and recently it has come out that I treated them the same was as a past lover whom broke their heart. Maybe they were trying to fix me to make up for the past relationship.

I dont know, I still have to post a summary of my situation, it will take a while as there are many years to attempt to summarize in into a coherent story.

Last edited by LakeOfFire; 09/30/08 08:49 AM.
Re: In love with someone who is bad for you.
LakeOfFire #2134140 09/30/08 08:10 AM
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Or maybe there is something in their behavior that invites the treatment you and her past lover give her? We actually do train others how to treat us, whether we mean to or not.
Re: In love with someone who is bad for you.
Tabby1 #2134150 09/30/08 08:46 AM
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" maybe there is something in their behavior that invites the treatment you and her past lover give her? We actually do train others how to treat us, whether we mean to or not."

I never though of it that way.

Is there a link that you have to some form of article with more on this?

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