I found and married the woman I want to be with for the rest of my life, and we had a wonderful time dating, being engaged, and were married about 7 months ago (we've been with eachother about 3 years now). The facts are that our love for eachother has not disappeared at all, but the problem is this: this is her first long-term relationship and she is feeling constricted by marriage. Part of this has to do with her job/career, which she has relocated numerous times due to the industry she is in, and as a single woman she alone would make the decision to relocate when she wanted. She also enjoys hanging out with her friends, which she still does on a regular basis but feels guilty for doing so (not by me by the way, I think it's great she does so). Basically all the things she could decide on her own as a single woman she feels constricted because marriage is the bonding of your life with another person.

This woman means the world to me, and it seems to me that she might be feeling that she doesn't want to be married. One thing to keep in mind is that she has also been under an incredible amount of stress from her work for a long time. She loves what she does, but the economy and state of the industry are causing layoffs, which have been looming for nearly a year. Am I fool for believing it is the stress ?

Nothing makes me happier than being with her, and I've told her I am open to moving. I am living each day now with a pain in my chest, labored breathing, I can't concentrate at work, and am losing alot of sleep. I am begging for some advice.

I think you made a big mistake in choosing this woman for a wife. She is not the right one. She is not committed to you and is clearly not marriage material.

If I were you, I would accept that you made a bad choice in choosing her for a marriage partner and cut your losses. It could be worse, you could have kids and a huge mortgage. Get out now and learn to choose more wisely the next time.

Sorry you are here.

Hi, Ifoundtheone, welcome to MarriageBuilders.

Being married is a whole different situation than dating, and you really have to expect a period of adjustment. It's a big change for her, and it's also a big change for you. I wouldn't worry too much about the fact that you and her are having to figure out your new roles.

Now, you say you think she might not want to be married... What, exactly, makes you think this? I understand what you wrote... you think she is feeling constricted. But has she specifically said anything about not wanting to be married? I'm asking this, because you might be worrying about something that isn't there - it's possible that any concerns she has expressed (like feeling guilty about spending time with friends) are just a part of her adjustment, and she may well not feel the way you think she might.

On the right-hand side of this page is a box labelled Most Popular Links. I recommend you click the links for Love Busters and for The Most Important Emotional Needs. Knowledge is power, and there is a lot of free knowledge at this website about how marriages work. The choices you make and the things you do can have an effect on your marriage, and there are so many things you can do to improve your marriage, and to give it a solid foundation.

One thing I'd suggest is taking the Love Buster questionnaire which you can find at this site. Read the section on Love Busters and then the two of you take this questionnaire. "Love Busters" are the things we do that drive our spouses crazy - or hurt them. Things like Angry Outbursts, Selfish Demands, Disrespectful Judgements, Annoying Habits, Independent Behavior and Dishonesty. See if you have been doing any of these... and if you have been, stop.

Once you've looked at Love Busters, look at the Emotional Needs questionnaire. You need to know what your wife needs from a husband, and then you need to meet those needs in the way she appreciates most.

Once you are doing these two things, you should see the intimacy in your marriage improving.

As for the stress... the economy is a big stress factor these days. Sounds like your wife has a stressful job? Do what you can to help her de-stress at the end of the day. Make sure you are spending a lot of good time with her - and make sure it is enjoyable for you both.

You mention being open to moving. How do you really feel about that? If you are saying that to make her happy, but would deep down resent moving, then don't make that promise. On the other hand, if you really are open to moving if you need to... let her know that. My wife was really unhappy living in our city for a long time, and when I found out she wanted to leave me and move back to her city, I told her that I would be open to moving there... or anywhere else, as long as we were together. (We are currently considering moving in a couple of years to a new state.)

Anyway, read the links I presented. And my question remains - what, exactly, has she said about this? I'm wondering whether she actually feels this way - and has told you so in so many words - or if you are inferring this based on what you think she is feeling.