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Re: Not playing out quite the way I had hoped
PhilJC #2134649 10/01/08 05:47 AM
Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 271
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woundedgentleman Offline
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woundedgentleman
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Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 271
Quote
I do pay her lots of compliments about how she looks etc. but as TiM has said, when others say the same thing, she takes notice.

I wonder if there is a way to use compliments/attention from others, even other men, in a way that is safe for the marriage. Sounds crazy I know.

Maybe something like taking your W dancing. She gets say 'looks' from other men, but she is with you. You provided the situation that led to her feeling good about herself. There is no secrecy involved.

Or co-teaching a class or volunteering together. She'd be likely to get positive feedback and you helped bring it about. The opinion of others supports what you've been telling her.

- WG

BH 40, Married: 2002, Discovered affairs: Fall 2005, Divorced: Spring 2008

Advocate grace daily
Re: Not playing out quite the way I had hoped
woundedgentleman #2134926 10/01/08 12:35 PM
Joined: Aug 2008
Posts: 139
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PhilJC Offline
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I really don't want to h/j TiM's thread here!

There is a bit about it on my thread. Twice now where she works, patients and co-workers have paid her compliments and she has also been asked out by someone.

I am the one who says to her 'You should go for this job, or I'm sure you can do that'. She lacks confidence initially but I boost her up and tell her she is good enough to do whatever she wants if she puts her mind to it. This is why when she went for the P.A. last year I encouraged her 100%. Then came the big bombshell only weeks later frown

Me - BS 43
WW - 43
D - 15
D - 13
Married 20 years
D Day1 - 3 Oct 2007. Too many more to list
Now in Plan D
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