my husband and i have been married 3 years together for 4 he has had repeated affairs on me. now he says he is done doing that but i don't trust him. he has never used protection with the affairs and could be carrying anything i don't know about. he refuses to wear a wedding ring he says being married is no ones business and that hurts. i don't think i love him anymore. when he touches me i cringe and would rather he didn't but i get so mad when he doesn't pay attention to me. i think i am going crazy and don't know what to do. is this marriage worth all this. he is very self centered and really doesn't care about anyone but himself. he has a smart answer for everythng. i am a very loving affectionate person but he has destroyed all than in me now i am a crouch all the time.....just last night i told him that the damage is done and the love is almost gone completely and he didn't seem to have any remorse or care at all about it....i am at a loss for words or what to do.............

Do you have children?

How old are you both?

no kids together thank goodness i am 43 he is 36

Any kids not together?

IMHO, the BEST way to get over repeated affairs is to dump the cheater and find a new life and love with a good person.

Seems like a really good candidate for Plan D, IMO. Why are you choosing to stay with him?

i have 2 kids from a previous marriage he has 4 kids from three random affairs in his early days never married any of them and has nothing to do with the kids just pays support says that is enough

that sounds like a very good plan

Run away before you have a kid with him and it's his 5th case of child support.

You really married a guy with that past?

yes i really married a guy with that past and i have regretted it since..........i am very thankful we never had a kid together

Run, do not walk, to file your divorce papers.
You can do SO much better.
Being alone would be SO much better.

We're all for building marriages here but there has to be something to work with.

Please feel free to stick around and get support if you decide to divorce.

You probably need to examine why you chose to marry that guy, and how to be a better judge of good spouse material in the future. Why did your first marriage (to the father of your children) end?

RUN FOREST RUN !!!!!
and dont look back

he is very self centered and really doesn't care about anyone but himself.

and he didn't seem to have any remorse or care at all about it

he refuses to wear a wedding ring he says being married is no ones business

Sounds like you married a sociopath. There may have been some good points to him, but you aren't relating any of them right now.

The heading of your post is

"Subject: Re: how do you get past repeat affairs"

Before I even read the text, I said to myself "YOU DON'T".

Now after reading your words, I wonder why you even have to ask the question?

GET THE HECK OUT OF THAT M! Sounds like he could care less if you left or not.

IMHO

kirk

to be honest his only good point is he works every day and never calls in

How are you doing financially? Are you self supporting? Get legal counsel before you do anything so you can find out the best way to deal with it and come out the best. I have been told that if a person leaves they lose their leverage, but I'm sure it varies from state to state.
Is he physically abusive?
Is he controlling?
One thing you will want to do when you separate is change locks, passwords, etc., and get copies of financial statements, tax returns, etc. a lawyer should be able to give you a list of things to do.
Whatever you do, don't beat yourself up with "what ifs", do not look back, he's not worth the headache. You have nothing but relief and a new chance at life ahead of you, once the D is behind you.

Why did your first marriage (to the father of your children) end?

Your H sounds like a great candidate for a Jerry Springer Show.

You can choose to not be a part of his spectacle. Walk away from this.

BTW, why did your previous M end? Did it have anything to do with your relationship with your current H?

the marriage to my kids dad ended because he was a control freak and i had enough after 11 years of it....a receipt for a pop and a candy bar when i earn my share of the money is just to much....he is still trying to control me and we have been divorced for 8 years

no he is not abusive or controlling but he makes me feel so inadequate just the way he talks to me he is always a smart butt and thinks that is ok and can never give a straight answer...i have put him out several times but always let him come back and nothing ever changes.............he says he is afraid of losing me but i think he is afraid of losing the financial support i pay all the bills all he has to do is sit on his butt and watch tv and play nintendo...........he can't have that if he doesn't have me but i am not getting the emotional physical support that i need when i am around him i am so grouchy and not pleasant when i am alone i am good and in good spirit

I don't see anything redeeming about this guy, kick his butt to the curb! :twobyfour: