I just want to vent a few thoughts.

A few weeks ago I finally told STXWH exactly what I think about his affair and everything he has done. I don't know if that made any difference to him but it certainly did to me. I am not responsible for the affair, it was his choice. It is not my fault that our marriage is over, it was his choice to have an affair and leave. I know that I have made mistakes. I was not a perfect wife but who is? It is his choice to not give us a chance and it is his loss!

The sad part is that it seems like he keeps on the same track just out of pride and stubbornness. It is obvious that he and MOW can't have a relationship. How can anyone believe that with a beginning like that, with breakups over and over every few weeks and with her working fulltime and taking care of two small children? I think that what brings them together again for short periods is thrill and stubbornness. The last time I saw him he had lost weight and I can tell that he is not at ease when I see his eyes. It is not my business anymore but it is just so hard for me to realize that he has destroyed our marriage over this.

A friend told me that she has seen MOW and realized that it was her who attended an amateur soccer game where STXWH was playing last spring. We checked some photos from the game on the internet and it looks very much like MOW in the audience. But here comes the really nasty part: She is sitting next to a man who looks like her husband. He is wearing a baseball cap so it is hard to tell but they also have their two children with them so I would say that it is him. What do you think about that? How many crazy WWs have taken their BHs and their children to watch OM play soccer?

I may have been a lousy wife in some ways but I am willing to improve. I would be ashamed to cheat and lie AND I WOULD RATHER DIE THAN HUMILIATE MY HUSBAND BY TAKING HIM TO SEE A LOVER PLAY SOCCER!