Earlier,I got a TM from my bank to say WH had deposited money in my account...I phoned my lawyer just in time as she was about to fax a letter to WH's lawyer!!

WH phoned the boys and wants to take them tomorrow nite to show them how nicely the shop is coming on....I am working night shift tomorrow so WH felt it was a good idea.He only has the boys to share his new venture with.....he has no family or friends to talk to about this....Admiration is important to him....hopefully he will learn some life lessons from this.

I phoned my WH's old friend today to get some advice on buying a laptop.......we spoke about WH who he hasn't seen for ages.He said he thinks its a case of "he made his bed,now he must lie in it.."

{{{{{{{{{HOPE}}}}}}}}}}}

Your strength is inspiring on how you handle this. I'm very grateful to have you in my life and watch how you handle this.

You are doing awesome.

I KNOW how hard it is for you, I know how deep the pain has been but look at you.

WOW......

Thank you so much for that Queenie...I somehow don't feel that strong on the inside.

Today in particular,I felt like giving up on my stand for my marriage.I mean,I signed in agreement to the Dpapers and I'm thinking this is basically the end of my marriage,who am I kidding!!

You know what Charlynnes devotionals are like..."don't look at your circumstances..."
and I think am I going crazy...what do I do?
I look forward to those devotionals every day cos they lift my spirits....but am I only fooling myself???

Am I in denial?....these are thoughts that I battle through daily.

I am stronger mentally to deal with this divorce even though its tearing me up inside....

Your post has definitely boosted me Queenie,as always,.....I was feeling down and am about to go to bed(11pm here)and just stopped by here....

I will never forget how you helped me through some of my darkest times..thank you,thank you!!!!

Todays a new day...

I've decided to stop over -analysing everything as it drives me insane....

Having dealings with my lawyer is always a bit depressing for me.

I'm slowly losing respect for WH which scares me cos the love is dying too.

22 months is a long time for us to be apart...I think me having no contact with him is helping him too...its making it easier for him to move on with his new life.OW must be meeting all his needs,lets face it as he hasn't tried to make contact with me at all.
I don't think planB will work on him coming home as he thought I didn't want him back.I know thats not the aim of plan B but I think he missed the point of my letter.

Its time I started moving on too...I feel like I'm torturing myself emotionaly by hanging on like this....for what?.....someone who doesn't want to be with me/love me...I deserve better.

Its easier to give up and move on with my life.

Hi I'm just catching up. Excuse the delay:

LOL!
Queenie what would you do with all the money if your story were published?

It sounds like you've come a long way down that road already. Tell us about the guy that you met at the braai.

Were you looking for a carbon copy of WH?

Imagine,he wasn't at all like WH...he was much younger than me to start with,36yrs old so I never took it seriously anyway....I was with a few girlfriends,some married some single..of course they were happy for me.

I'm a bit embaressed to say it was a case of too much to drink and just having fun..it wasn't at a braai either, but at a pub/club.

He was good-looking,fun and a bit of a playa....it wasn't my intention for anything to happen that night either,but it did.(no sex!)I don't regret it one bit and I had no feelings of guilt towards WH.It proved to me that I can move on if I wanted to.

What good quality(ies) did your WH have that kept you going for 22 months?

Well now you got me thinking......

Everyone thinks their spouse will never cheat on them and I was no different.WH always said he wouldn't cos his mom had an affair and left his dad...said he would never do it to his kids..
Also,my sisters H cheated on her and H and my WH were friends since school.WH never spoke to sis H for 2 years cos of affair.

My H shocked the pants off everyone when he cheated on me....
He was the perfect father,caring husband,provided well for us etc..
He was a very romantic type of person....Friends used to say I was lucky to have a hubbie like him....I think what caused the rift was my sons bike accident....for 6 months all my attention was on my son and I think along with the guilt WH felt,I didn't pay much attention to him....son took all my time,you know the story.OP was at the right place at the right time IMO.

I feel cos we've been together since teenagers you do have a strong bond as you grow up together in a way...Neither of us had other serious relationships either...We have been through a lot together emotionally and financially....

Of course he had bad points too like all of us but nothing major.

I'm about to meet the lawyer to sign the loan papers......he is so desperate he is coming to my house.I insisted that he brings WH life policy with and the letter ceding the policy to me.
He is meeting with WH first to get the necessary documents .
It will be interesting if WH changes towards me once I've signed the loan.....as he won't NEED me for anything,if you know what I mean.

I am feeling a bit better today although I have basically given up hope of WH coming home..

Good luck getting through this. Even though I WANTED a divorce, it was awful.

We'll be thinking of you.

Lawyer just left....he was very nice.He said when WH went to see him OP was with him and he mistook her for me.He was embarrassed as OP was quite upset with him.LOL
He told me that WH was unable to get a loan and he was desperate...

WH reckons he will pay back this loan in 3 MONTHS!!!.....right???

The next hurdle is the actual Dpapers.......

That's just too funny!


It is really hard, hopenpray. No one is going to blow sunshine at you in regards to this.

You deserve better than this and the only way to get out from under it, that you have control over, is by D. You've done all you can do. WH will have to find the light to guide him out of the tunnel by himself. It's the ONLY way to become repentant.

Your WH will reach rockbottom - probably right about the time he won't be able to repay the loan.


How attractive that must be to OP. :RollieEyes:

Hang in there. D is hard but might be just what you need to reconnect with yourself.

Best of luck to you.

Fox

Thanks for that Fox...

As far as the divorce is concerned,I'm over the worst...the first few times I went to see my lawyer I would be nervous and always end up crying afterwards.Emotionally,I'm stronger too.As I see it now the divorce is just sorting out the paperwork..

I've just remembered months ago I told WH that once we're divorced theres no going back....this was after he said "if we get divorced who knows what might happen down the line....."

I'm trying not to think of the 2 of them celebrating right now!!!!!

You know,OP's in a position where she needs WH. She,herself is in a lot of debt(told to me by WH)and has 3 teenagers and little money from her EX. She has nothing to lose so she will hang onto WH and if the money doesn't roll in maybe she'll move on to someone who has money...I dunno?
OP has no money in the business so of course she will encourage and egg him on no matter the risks involved.....

I'm financially secure thank goodness......

I will sit back and watch what happens.....

Very true. That's a good way to look at it. Loose ends....



Waywards say the stupidest things. However, his statement lends credence to the fact that when they say they are "done", they aren't really "done." They still have thoughts of the BS and what the future could hold. They don't realize most BS' are not going to keep a place holder for them in their lives. That spot will be filled by other things.



Nah.....that would mean they are focusing on the positive and waywards tend to dwell on the negative. They are probably cussing together because you forced him to sign a policy to you that he probably doesn't think you deserve.

Fox

Remember, my ex and OW ended the affair less than 2 weeks after we divorced. Wait and see what happens. And DON'T date for at least a year. I know, boring.............

Hope,

I apologize as I haven't been on the boards much lately, until recently, so I don't know all that has transpired with you as I haven't had time to read up on your post...

But I do recall we were in the same sit.

D sucks. No way around it. Somedays I actually wish I never filed and just would have let it go and see what happeend. I think filing just threw them into each other's arms more.

I've been D'd now over a year and it still feels like the A just happened. Now with ExH getting remarried, it's opening up all those wounds again. I finally went off AD's, now I'm back on. The roller coaster ride started all over again!

My ExH too, I thought was good. EVERYONE was SHOCKED to hear that he had cheated on me. Never in a million years did anyone, noer I, ever suspect he would do such a thing. He was/is very well respected at work etc, so I never thought he would jeopardize that reputaion. Guess people don't even look at that anymore as I think A's are becoming so common, it's normal.

I gave ExH many opportunities to come back. He never looked back! I too think I caused him to stray as we were having a lot of problems with my DD at the time I belive the A started, and I pushed him away. I do believe it started as he was just talking to her to vent, and it carried on from there.She was having problems with her H at the time too.

Now they are M'd and it hurts like h#ll. Some days I actually wish he were dead. Then I would not have to think about them anymore.

Somedays I question if he ever loved me, as how could he M the woman that destroyed my family?

It's so hard, but you will somehow handle it. Life goes on even when we don't want it to sometimes...

Cat

Cat,I feel so for you right now you don't deserve this at all.....

I can understand your way of thinking about if you hadn't filed for divorce...don't beat yourself up about it...your WH still made his choice.
Men are the WEAKER sex,IMO,and they will settle for 2nd best cos they have too much PRIDE to admit they made a mistake...I think this stands for the majority of men...as long as they are getting sex,a meal and a maid all in one they can live with that..oh and their freedom(no nagging!)LOL
I sometimes wonder if they marry to try convince themselves that they REALLY belong together,when deep down they know what they did was wrong etc...my EXBIL told me the other day(he, BTW had affair and divorced my sis)in a round about way that he was making the best of a bad situation.Their pride stands in the way of a lot,I think.

Wildhorses, I'm surprised at your comment about Waywards focusing on the negative,I hope you're right!!I thought fantasyland was all about happy,happy,happy!!!!

Believer,isn't it strange how often they break up soon after the divorce goes through.Whats that about?

Believer I don't think I can last another year without sex!!!!!