Hi again, I need advice

I am not sure how to feel about this. Our marriage was rocky for a while, but I didn't realize how much worst it was for FWH that he started checking out way before I even imagine. We had a very deep teary morning talking. After I ask him if the main reason he is staying/working it out is because he is the offender. He said sometimes/mostly it is because of that and other times it is a combination of that and wanting to get back what we had. He even said that sometimes he wished I would do it and if I did he would just accept it. That really did hurt and I don't know what to think. He did say he wants it work still, but these are things he does/have thought.

The reason I asked him this is that FWH has been divorced before. And I know and he has admitted that his history does affect him. His relationship w/ his ex was rocky from the start, at the time FWH was more of a walk-over person, someone that found it hard to say 'no' to people when asked for favors (his bro. is the same, and his wife complains at time about it also). Anyways there relationship was full of break-ups, he mostly doing it and telling her he doesn't love her. They went throught this for about 3 years before marriage. They still got married even after he cancelled the first one, then they got back rushed into the secound one, even though he wasn't inlove with her. He tried to annolled it, the lived 6months then separated for 8months, tried a next 4 months and separated again. They never got back together, although she wanted to and he got a divorce.

When we was married it was out of love and he said so many times, we were happy together. But how our situation got and what happened, I had to ask him the question I did above.

Things are getting better, but there are still the old feelings that are there and he says he wants to be honest about everything and not try and live in fantasy like he did, and with time he would hope that those feelings will keep changing. I did ask him if he can see loving me again and he did say yes, so I am holding on to that.

I don't know where you are in your recovery. If you aren't that far removed from D-Day, I wouldn't stress over why he is staying or if he would have stayed if you had been the one to have had an affair.

I think what is more important than why he stayed is how he is using the opportunity he has been given. Has he ended all contact with the OP? Does he take responsibility for the affair? Is he being open and answering your questions? Is he willing to participate in marriage or individual counceling?

Bottom line... do you feel like he wants to heal the marriage and is willing to do the work it will take?

The A and contact ended 2 months ago before he told me about it. He is being very transparent, answered everything including the details, he switch jobs the same month he ended it also (all of this before I knew). He said he struggle with telling me for 2 months and just needed to get it out since we seemed to be already working things out. I am 3 weeks past D-Day. He said he was with her 5times over a 5month period, no emotional attachment on eighter side, it was just sex, no cuddling, no random touching, nothing else. He never even spent much time by her eighter it was almost a drop by after work and then home. He will do MC if I want him too.

He says he want does wants this to work. But the old feelings are still there at times but it is getting better. I sometimes hate that most of his fighting power has been reduced because of what he has been through.

Made the post shorter so it would be more readable.