I will need to take time to write it out from the beginning...

The past story is laid out in Zora's tale for the most part its accurate. There are some omissions and details which I believe are important to me. As all stories, there are different ways of seeing things.

Anyway, the past story will ahve to wait as it will take some time to write in a way to not take up 39 pages. We can call that Part 1.

Here is part 2
-----------
Sept 26th - Move our of marital home after lenghty seperation
sept 30th first night in new home, did not want to move just was too stubborn to admit it before it was too late.

oct 1st - told Wife, Zora, that I was up all night with dogs, walked the beach, watched a crappy sunrise, and realized I wanted here there with me and our other dog. I missed her. Not the relationship we had, but one that we could form. Went to her house, our old marital home, and told her all this. It was too late. She had told me earlier in the week after I found evidence of an affair that there was none. I believe her. Still no chance after well, beggin.

Oct 2nd - After another sleepless night I decided I needed to talk to someone. I went to my local parish and talked to the Pastor after mass. He offered me confession, I accepted, and we decided on a "game plan". Sine I had not been to confession in 18 years, That every week I would pick one issue to think on and talk about the following week. The first week is my relationship with god and how that can be healed. I will be back there tomorrow. First for confession again, and then outside the boundaries of the confessional.

Ovt 3rd - After driving to my parents house in CT, 3 hours away the previous day, I was agian sleepless despite taking sleeping pills. I wokr early and told my mother I had to go save my marriage. Left dogs with parents and drive to Zora's place. I spoke with her and her parents, not fight just talking. i suppoe I was begging. Zora told me she has another, but then took it back....

Later that night, she called to say she would wait till the end of the year to file, but was really seeing someone. My heart dropped. I know I have no one but myself to blame. I want her back so badly it hurts. I dont know what do do so I post here on MB. I am smutheing her with beggings and drivign her farther away....

after receiving a virtual /slap on MB from the gang, I send a resignation letter to my office. I copy HR and My boss (also a close friend of mine). I copied HR so Zora wwould know I was serious about this and getting away from the OW....

Zora calls... Yells at me for quitting my job. I can only assume this is because she has no hope and nothing I do will matter.
She begs me to take it back, and I do have that ability being in IT, and I do. While on the phone, I did make her laugh. I know she still loves me and I can still make her laugh. I can hope.

I will find a new job, stay where I am for the time being per HER wished and no other reason.

I will continue to go to mass, confession, and my weekly chats with the pastor for the forseeable future.

I see a future for Zora and myself, I am desperate for her to believe me. I will be working with you all here on recovery from a painful EA, a painful marriage, and a chance at a future with my wife in a NEW marriage as the no one wants the old one back. And if its past that point, a chance to get back on the right path.

That is the first chapter of part II.

ok, you lost me here. Don't you have this backwards? You have to MOVE out to be separated.

SW, in order to recover, all contact must end with your OW. Nothing can happen until that happens.

We seperated in July 07. I moved back in Feb 08 due to financial woes for both Zora and Myself.

We lived in the marital home until Sept 08 when I moved out into a new home. I moved out because I was told her parents wanted me out of there and since they helped her buy it I had to respect that. I Honestly did not want to leave. We were not living like husband and wife but I dont know, I did not want to leave. I should hace used that time to change but I just drank. We were friends, did things, etc... But I guess she moved on. I never even knew. I wish I used those 8 months to say what I really felt, but it was too hard. I was weak.

I understand that. I am going to look for a new job immediatly.

MelodyLane is right. NC with the OW. THAT MEANS NO CONTACT - no seeing her, chit chat, email, text, phone - nothing. You run into her on the street you turn and walk the other way. Starting NOW.

Walk in to work on Monday, go straight to HR and request that your work assignments be changed so that there is no possibility of contact with the OW - that may require you to work from home if you have that sort of job - until such time as you find a new job. If that is not possible (and it likely isn't) then quit on the spot. Unless you are willing to take that step you have no hope of any sort of recovery with your BW. Nor should you.

Personally, I think you should walk in Monday and quit then let the chips fall where they may. Go from there to church and do a good bit of prayer and then look for a job. Your company probably has a policy against the sort of behavior you engaged in with the OW, so you both should likely be fired anyway.

I am not sure why, but i am calmer now.

I neglected a detail from my chapter 1.

I suppose I night after I told Zora I wanted to work on it, I went to the church late. The little ones were thre working on something so they let me into a private area behind the alter to have some solitutde. I spent two hours there very emotional and crying on and off. I am not an emotional person at all.

Somthing I heard in KY at mass hit me right then.

Father John said during derby week.. "Everyone needs a week or a day here and there off. I take derby week, I say to god i need this week, can you get my back.." his point was god has your back, and he can cover you.

I know it sounds crazy, but I got a feeling of calness over me. That everything would be ok. Not that everything would end up ok with Zora, but that he was there, he was listening, and everything would work out.

And then on the walk home, the skies opened up and rained like nothing else for 15 min.

"MelodyLane is right. NC with the OW. THAT MEANS NO CONTACT - no seeing her, chit chat, email, text, phone - nothing. You run into her on the street you turn and walk the other way. Starting NOW." -

Understood, I will make that clear.

"Walk in to work on Monday, go straight to HR and request that your work assignments be changed so that there is no possibility of contact with the OW - that may require you to work from home if you have that sort of job - until such time as you find a new job. If that is not possible (and it likely isn't) then quit on the spot. Unless you are willing to take that step you have no hope of any sort of recovery with your BW. Nor should you."

I tried to quit tonight, Zora disagres. Thinks its a bad idea, that I should just look for work. And I will. She was forceful. I wanted to quit, i sent email but had to retract because of her.Shifts if not a possibility, not is working from home. I mena maybe 1 day, but whats that going to help.



"Personally, I think you should walk in Monday and quit then let the chips fall where they may. Go from there to church and do a good bit of prayer and then look for a job. Your company probably has a policy against the sort of behavior you engaged in with the OW, so you both should likely be fired anyway. "

I am in church daily praying it seems anyways, but again, Zora is against me quitting at this moment. I suspect she thinks its over and does not want to se me jobless AND miserbale.

Disregard. I cant worry about that.

I have told the OW that there is to be no contact. Nor more IM's, Txt's, Emails, etc... She thanked me, though we had a great friendship. Used some nice words to thank me. I said we did, but we let it go too far. It interfeared with my marriage but I did not care. I accepted responsibility because she knew she was causing problems way back when and i told her I did not care.
This is after my year of trying to make the marriage work where Zora would not commit to anything at all.I though it was all over with Zora and me, I did not ever think she would come back. But she did and she fought for me, not she is gone and I am fighting for her.

I can block IM's, Not respond to TXT's, block personal emails but not work.. I can however send one of the guys who works for me if she has an issue. I can just not answer phone calls. Honestly, I dont expect any. With how I have been really withdrawn the past 6 or 8 months, we really just chit chatted about nothing anyways.

I will be actively seeking a new job, I will take a pay cut to the bare minimun I need to survive.

How about sending her a nice letter like this:

[from SAA, pg 58]

OW, I want you to know that out of respect and love for my wife and children, I have come to realize that I must never see or talk to you again. My relationship with you was a cruel indulgence that BS did not deserve. While I cannot completely repay BS for the pain I caused her, I will do my best to become the husband she has been missing. I care a great deal for my family and I would not want to do anything to risk their happiness. I will not make any further contact with you and I do not want you to make any contact with me. Please respect my desire to end our relationship.

Sincerely, XXXXX

I am just going to add to that that I will be seeking new employment at the earlierst possible opportunity.

It doesnt matter what you chatted about, though, that is not the point. What matters is that you stayed in contact even though it was very damaging to your marriage. Any contact with her is a continuation of your affair.

Well its sent, with the edit about looking for new work....

I would be lying If I said I did not feel a little guilty, being I blame myself for all this.

Well, it is good that you feel guilty about doing this to your wife. Remorse is a good sign. That means you feel empathy for your victim.

I know, the guilt has been there for a long time. Zora knows this, she could see it in me.

Tomorrow is a new day, I am looking forward to my talk with the pastor. I suppose that is all I have now.

Give Zora her space,work my issues, pray for myself, and pray for the future.

I have hope, i know she does not but I have enough for us both.

I know I have no right, but I hope she cuts it off with the OM until we are D if that is where our road ends.

I think you mean victems... This affected more than us. Both sets of parents, hers expecially because they became physically involved, were affected. Mine were just saddened and still are.
And out dogs too, they deserve to have both us us around, they are like our kids.

What kinda dogs?

The two most beautiful Mutts you have ever seen.

A foxhound / pointer mix and a mostly australian cattle dog.

Chewy and Myka.

I love dogs! I had an Australian shepherd once but I gave him to my VET because the dog kept trying to HERD me down the hallway!