Since tommorrow is looking like it will be arrest day for the OM, I need some advice on how to handle Lisa.

I know she is going to fly off the handle with the OM being led off in handcuffs - I expect a really nasty phone call from her. With that being said, she will now be alone on the farm with the kids and 20 horses to take care of by herself. As a result, she'll start to feel the strain of the single parent.

Since I'm very close to implementing a dark plan B, should I stick out plan A for a few more days and volunteer to help or should I go to plan B? Should I volunteer to take the kids? Keep in mind, if I do decide to help out on the farm, she'll be dropping LB's and DJ's on me constantly.

I think it depends on what you want.

Have you decided on recovery or divorce?

Why are you not moving back to the farm? If she wants an A with the OM, she should be the one moving out.

How old are the kids and how much do they know?

I would plan B.

If you went back she has to admit her PA to her parents.
Have all of the OM's property, including his horses removed.
Agree to never allow the OM back on the property and get a restraining order to keep the OM away.

WW will have to go NC forever with OM. Be one hundred percent transparent so you can verify NC. That menas give up cell access and all passwords.

Most likely if you this route her change will not be real. She will put on the act to get you to help with the work on the farm and your money to pay her bills because the OM is not around.

If WW will not agree then go plan B.

Going plan B and cuting off all financial aid to her is the best way for you to go. I would think it would yield better results for you to go directly to plan B and cut oof all money. This will show her that you will not be a door mat. It will give the OM the opportunity to fail meeting all of her needs full time.

You need to get your WW to miss you and what she had with you.
Plan B will do this.

Go Plan B!

Plus with the OM's track record he will get caught cheating on WW.

Why would she get mad at you for him getting arrested for attacking his father?

That makes no sense.

You shouldn't speak to her if she calls you ranting let her flail in anger at herself and if she calls you angry then just hang up.

I'd also move back into my own home. That is your house and you can be accused of abandonment if you stay away. You should have been back in your own home the second the protective order was dropped.

Do this! She'll be mad at you, but you need to do this to protect your rights as a father if this does go to divorce. Moving back in also allows you to Plan A.

She can move out if she wants out.

She was very, very angry with me talking to the OM's father about his past. This was part of the exposure part of plan A. Plus, with the OM tied up in the legal system for a couple of days, who's going to muck her stalls? So far she has been having more than her fair share of cake - me paying the bills and help 24/7.

My plan is to file the restraining order tommorrow and tell her I am going to move back into the downstairs MBR. From there, I will take it one day at a time.

Oh the poor, poor little darling got wery, wery angwy???

I hope you laughed your a$$ off!

As far as mucking the stalls??? Let her get her taste of [censored], she's made you eat hers!

Once you move in you need to do some things which will protect you financially and drive home the point to her that she is going to get all the independence she needs with her behavior unless it changes.

A wife deserves your trust with the finances. A WW does not.

You therefore need to cancel all joint credit cards and bank accounts. Open your own account and move all the marital money into it.

If she wants funds to finance her infidelity, then she can get a job.

Quit paying her bills and cell phones, etc.

Start documenting everything.

I thought about a possible reaction to her verbally abusing you:

Something like "Go easy on me. I've just lost my best friend, lover and wife. Along with that goes the hope of a stable family to raise our children. Lastly, the loss of our shared dream of a successful farm to pass on to future generations."

"All this happened because I lost sight of priorities and because my best friend lost faith in me."

Here... I'm just trying out my soapie writing skills. I'd love to know how a WW would respond though.

As for moving into your bedroom - change nothing from what it was before. Why? You should not have to concede anything. Doing so will undermine your position as head of the household. Let her walk if she so wishes but the children should stay at the residential home.

For your own records, you may want to keep a voice activated recorder on your person.

From the sounds of things in your previous posts - WW's independent behaviour generally needs to be quietly reigned in. Is my impression wrong?

And lastly, have you yet decided whether she's a keeper?

Yup - her independent behavior does need to be reigned in. Throughout all of this, all of her family says it isn't the Lisa they have known.

As to whether she's a keeper- she's my best friend, wife, lover, and the mother of our children. We will both be deeply wounded by this ordeal but I would cherish the opportunity to rebuild our marriage and relationship because I keep reminding myself of the great times we had.

Are you back at the farm?

Has OM gone?

Whatsup on whats going down?

The OM hasn't been served - turns out the warrant is a bench warrant and it is the slow boat to China so to speak.

Today was a very, very tough day emotionally for me. It is the WW's birthday - I sent her a card. She called me this morning and we had a nice 45 minute conversation about the kids, her job search, and just what's going on.

Later on, she sent me an email telling me she did not get the job she thought she was going to get and was very down on herself. I wished so hard that I was there to give her a hug...I just feel really down because this is the first special day that we had since all of this went down at the end of July. I think the holidays are going to be absolutly brutal.

Anyways, I have Friday and Monday off - I have the kids tommorrow night through Monday morning since they don't have school on Friday. It should be a fun weekend for the three of us.

If its just a bench warrant then you may not be getting what you expect out of this. He probably failed to appear in court for the assault on his father. He is not going to be picked up by the police until a warrant for his arrest is issued, this sounds like just a warrant to appear again. If this is because he failed to appear or respond previously he could face a fine and if he does not appear after this he will be arrested.

Help me understand why you are not back at home. What are the problems or concerns? Maybe we can help.

When she filed the PFA on 8/20, I was forced out of the house. The hearing was on 8/29 but she had called my attorney the day before then at the hearing said there was a conflict of interest because she had talked to my attorney. As a result, the hearings were delayed to 9/24.

Because of this, I was forced to get an apartment because I didn't really have any place to stay until then. I have gone to the house once since then and when I went, it was awful - the WW and the OM basically ganged up on me and just verbally abused me in front of the kids. When the WW is away from the OM, we get along fine.

Given the money situation because of my apartment and the fact she doesn't have an income, I can't pay for everything at this point. In another month or so something is going to have to give or she and I will lose everything. I am almost to the point of laying it out to her that if she wants to keep the farm, the OM must leave and I move back in and break my apartment lease.

B

Maybe it would be best to lose the farm. No farm no reason for the OM to hang around. No place to keep his horses. No work for him to train other peoples horses.

With OM gone your WW will have a chance to go through withdrawal from OM.

When all the dust settles your WW will see that the OM could not save/provide her with a farm. You could.

The medicine is painful and expensive.

The cure, priceless.

am almost to the point of laying it out to her that if she wants to keep the farm, the OM must leave and I move back in and break my apartment lease.

What is preventing you???

Some good conversations with the WW today - nothing very heavy or relationship based but she dropped a bunch of honey's and sweeties in the conversation.

Anyways, I'm picking up the DS and DD tonight for a long weekend - the WW is taking some of her students to a horse show this weekend but doesn't have any money to show herself. Since yesterday was her birthday and the horses are one of her big EN's, should I give her a check made out to the show for her entries as a little bit of a birthday present to her? Or, am I being a doormat? BTW, I am still in plan A.

B

Doormat.

Why don't you buy them both dinner too?!?!

Please wake up. It's painful to watch.

Iam is not what one would call a diplomat, but I agree with him entirely.

Don't sponsor their affair. Use the "Carrot and stick". In this case the carrot includes the day to day running of the farm. If OM is so useful then replace the sucker with a hired hand - Hulk Hogan maybe. What indeed prevents you from firing this OM for insubordination?

How does it look to a woman when a man backs down when he is fighting for her. Sure, she will side with OM. Ignore her. If you are talking to OM let him know that you are boss. Get a restraining order if he is bigger than you.

If you really need backup, how about inviting friends. Damn it! Have one of them video the procedings. But for Pity sake - get back into your own home.

Man throw us a bone here - is this guy a better talker? What?