hi this is my first post and i just need some input on how i am feeling. Me and my husband have been married for 8 years. He has worked out of town most of our marriage. well 2 months ago i started texing with a man that i have known for about 6 years. Before we knew it we were meeting each other and then we started having sex. my husband found out through our cell phone bill and i admitted to having the affair. He is not sure if he wants to save our marriage or just start rebuilding his life. I am still in the house but staying in the spare bedroom. We are not together in any sense, in fact he has told me he doesn't know if he can ever touch me again. my affair is over and I am trying to take care of myself again. I wasen't eating (i lost 20 pounds)i was drinking alot (i haven't drank in 7 days). I have God back in my life again and i feel pretty good. My question is what do i do now? I feel like we just exist. I love my husband very much and I wanted it to work but now i don't know. Anyway that is where we are at. I feel very lonely and confussed.

Welcome to marriagebuilders. If you love your husband so much, do you have any idea why you decided to betray your vows?

Do you have no contact at all with the other man?

Any kids?

Purchase and read "Surviving an Affair" by Dr. Harley, founder of this site. You can get it at any major bookstore, or order it from this website.

Another book that will give you some perspective on how much damage you have inflicted upon your husband can be found in "After an Affair" by Janis Spring.

This will take 2 years or more to recover, that is, if your husband is willing.

Affairs are said to be nearly as harmful to the betrayed spouse as the loss of a child. While you may be ready to "forget and move forward", you husband has a whole lot of pain and betrayal to work through.

You must be completely transparent to him until further notice, giving him complete access to all passwords, cell phone, computer, etc, and all of your time. You must NEVER see or communicate with the OM (other man) again. If you work together, you must quit and find another job elsewhere.

You might direct him to this site for help in working through this devastation in his life. You, also, need to evaluate why you had this weakness, and what you need to do to set boundaries that will prevent it from ever happening again.

best wishes,
sd

Hi Marcel,

welcome to marriage builders.


There is an article on Withdrawl, a concept of Dr Harley's. Basically the main thing about your affair that held the most appeal to you was the feelings rather than the person in the affair. Now you have seperated yourself from your AP, you are missing the feelings OM generated.
Generally the strongest w/d is in the first 3 weeks of NC, then they slowly dwindle away.

If you want to work on your part of your marriage, read the basic concepts section of the site. Even if your H is unsure of his feelings for you right now, you can still implement the programme.
Have you written a NC letter?

Key question MARCEL:

What exactly does this MEAN?


Second key question:

Does your husband have God in HIS life? If so, what does that mean to HIM?


I'll wait for your responses.