So in Februrary, my GF, Jill, and I will have been together for a year. Three weeks ago during the wee hours of Saturday morning as Hurricane Ike was bringing down wind and rain on the house, we were pent up with nervous energy and engaged in some deep conversation. We would joke on and off about the kind of house she'd one day design for us. With the storm raging around us, storm proofing was a high priority. I mentioned in a more serious tone that because of my divorce decree, we wouldn't be able to merely cohabitate and that we'd have to do something "more permanent". She nodded and said that she'd really like that. It was an interesting and solemn moment. Maybe it was the weather, but it felt profound.

We both have enough on our respective plates for at least the rest of the year before we actually get engaged. Her house took extensive damage in the storm, and I've rebooted my job search in earnest. Hopefully sometime soon after our one year together, we will get officially engaged. I don't think we'll rush into a wedding right after either. We'll both have some loose ends to tie up in our respective lives. She'll have to work out a buyout or sell plan for the house she owns with her sister. Also, our friends and family are a bit scattered around the country, so we'll have to come up with a location, et al...

We've had some tentative discussions about our preferences. One really nice thing for me; she doesn't want a diamond. Her tastes run toward the slightly unconventional, so she'd prefer an emerald or ruby or sapphire. I like that idea, and not just because those are a little cheaper.

She also maintains that she wants to wait until we're actually married before she moves in. Though unconventional, she can also be old fashioned. I like that. The XW and I lived together for 3 years before our wedding and since joining here, I've learned a lot about the renters v buyers mentality. I feel like I'm going into this with my eyes much more open.

Sea,

Congratulations!!! I know it's not official, but it still is important to have have come to these revelations!!!

Best wishes to you both!!!

Dawn

Thanks Dawn. We talk pretty frankly about some of the details that could be a bit awkward, like when (not if) she'll be mistaken for my kids' mother when we're out and about, or how she'll feel about having the title of "step mom". It's all new territory for her as most of her prior relationships were pretty shortlived. I want to make sure that she's not too weirded out by the idea of blending into a what is, for all intents and purposes, a ready-made family. I do my best to protect her from any drama that might flare up from time to time with the X, and I make it a point to let her know that I don't every want to burden her with any responsibilities that she doesn't ask for w/re to my kids. She reminds me that she doesn't do anything that she doesn't choose to do. For not having ever come here, she has a pretty innate understanding of boundaries and personal responsibility.

Anyway, so far so good on the kids' end too. I get regular check ups from my daughter to make sure that she's still good with it all, and she is. I asked her, rhetorically, a couple of weeks ago how she'd feel if Jill and I got married. To her credit, DD replied that she needed some time to think about it. This weekend was my first full weekend to have them back since the hurricane (I'd been without power for two weeks) and I followed up with her. She confirmed that she had indeed thought about it and she gave her approval. She said it would be neat to have a step mommy and a regular mommy. She's an optimist.

But because life obviously isn't just a bowl of sugar coated sugar, there is a minor, possibly negative reaction out there in the universe... My mom.

She lives in TN with my brother and his family and I called her earlier in the week to let her know that I had power back and how the city looked, etc... I also let her know that after the first of the year, Jill and I would be planning to set a date. My mom's reaction; "Oh, really... Hmmmmm... Well, that's nice...".

:rollieeyes:

Mom can be a little PA. Mentioned it to my older sister who offered one possible explanation. She thinks that, in a way, I moved on before she (my mom) did. That, maybe because of distance, she hasn't quite accepted the fact that the X and I are kaput forever, the end. She met Jill a couple of months ago and she was very nice and sweet to her, but I think she misses the X.

I love my mom and I'm happy to see her when I do, but I'm also glad she lives several states away, and when it's time for her to go home after a visit, I'm pretty ready for it.