Well let me start out that I just found this wonderful site and if it wasn't for this and buying the book His Needs, Her Needs I would have never seen my faults. Right now she is on the east coast back with her family. The original plan was some down time, but it's only been two weeks and it seems to be getting worse. All the cards have been layed out on the table. The problems didn't really start until we had our first and only shild which will be a year in Nov. Here's my faults and she know of them, but it's hard because she wants to stay out on the east until her parents move out here and who knows how long it will take to sell there house. She even got a new cell phone because I couldn't help not calling. She kept the other one so we could stay in contact and I could say hi to our beautiful baby girl. This is a post off of my myspace to give everyone the jist of the story.---->
"Kara has every right to be resentful towards me. I made a lot of mistakes and I admit to them. Also I have learned from them and how to fix them, unfortunatly Kara has her shields up right now and it's going to take time to break back in to show her the new me. I would ask for your help, but that would add more fuel to the fire. This is something that her and I have to figure out for our selves. We all make mistakes, but it's up to the other person if they have enough love to forgive them. I am NOT ashamed to tell everyone about my mistakes as a husband and as a father. Here they are:
1. First off, I took on way too much at work and I had way too much on my plate. I ran myself so tired. I shouldn't have done that, my intentions were good, because in my eyes I was the bread winner, the provider, and I thought that by working really hard that I was doing it for Kara and Azalea for a better future. You know what I was actually doing? I was abandoning Kara when I should have been working really hard at home. It was her first pregnancy, this first time she was this far away from her friends and family, no car and no friends. I should have taken her feelings into consideration a lot more by balancing my work, getting her a car and being there for her more and more. I was the only person she had and I let her down.
2. Secondly, I got complacent and used to things and I was so blind and selfish and stubborn that I actually had it in my thick head that it was her job to take care of the house and the baby because she didn't have a job herself. With that, she felt more and more resentful and I grew more and more distant. I was practically throwing love points right out the window.
3. Third, I lost the position as the man that she put all her faith and her love and her trust in. As I tried to take that position back through frustration instead of love I drove her further and further away. So in response she started to face fire with fire and both her and I reached out for just anybody that was there for help, we brought there views in, just adding more fuel to the fire.
I have learned a lot and I have become a better husband and father because Kara has taught me so much. She is an awesome woman. Also, for any of you that are or are not having bumps in the road, I would highly recommend you check out this website -
www.marriagebuilders.com and I highly recommend this book too "His Needs, Her Needs" by Dr. Willard F. Harley, Jr."
Now I'm in the state of showing her that I don't need her, but still caring at the same time. I can only hope that will ensue a chase for her to come back, but it's so hard and it's going to take time. I now put her feelings in front of mine all the time- that's the lesson learned. Am I in the right direction?
Jon
