I will do anything to win you back.

I see why your lose was lost, i can see it in your thread. I wish you had done a plan B. I wish you had it probnably wouold have worked. Its all my fault, I dont blame you one bit but I do know that we can fix this. we can move on.

We can both take the steps right now, tonight and start. We can do it.

I dont blame you. I really dont.

I just want you to work on our marriage, we can fix it.

I know you still have love for me, I know it. You have said it youself. You could not even look me in the face today when you were saying you did not.

Thats a start, thats enough to build on.

Zora, I can fully understand that you are done and see why after reading his post that he has not even bothered to end contact with his OW in all this time.

My only caution is that it is not a good idea to start a new relationship when you are not officially divorced. You might be done, which is understandable, but you are extremely vulnerable after so many years of abuse. I would get the divorce FIRST and do some healing.

I totally agree. And my D'd friends are warning me not to get into one mess before I finish the another.

I wasn't taking any of this seriously. I was attracted to this person and thought what the heck. But like I said I may or may not accept a date with this person or any other at this time.

J,

Tell me wha tyou want me to do. I will repect any decision you make. I hear what people are saying, I am at fault. I wish at any given time we both worked on this. It would have been amazing. I guess that time is past, I dont want to move on without you and I cant imagine a life without you.

If you want a D, I will give it. Not for me, but for you. I suppose I can make that gesture to show you how badly I want you to be happy.

For now, I back off. Give you time. I pray you find it within you to work on this, I know we can do it.

But if you dont I understand, I dont blame you for moving on. Its been a long time.

I put myself into you hands and gods.

Zora, whatever you do decide, I would STRONGLY SUGGEST you end all contact with him until he ends all contact with the OW. If you don't do that, you will grow to hate him more. His continued contact with the OW is ABUSE and you need to protect yourself from his abuse.

Understood loud and clear.

I could use some advice though.

We work togather, and I live alone and have a mortgage to pay.

Its really impossible for me to just up and quit, I want to do this. But I also have to be realistic. I cant live without a job, and there are not alot of them out there at the moment.

While this has become one of the saddest threads I've ever laid eyes on I have to say this...

SW, you have begun to beg and plead. Not attractive at all I'm afraid. Don't know any women who find it attractive either.

You have found a lot of things to say at the 11th hour.

Talk is cheap.

You say you'll do ANYTHING to win her back.

Start doing SOMETHING.

Words mean nothing.

All that will count from here on out is actions.

First thing you need to do is stop begging her on her thread.

Get on your own thread and get help to fix you.

While you might be right about this being salvageable, it ain't gonna happen right now. It took a long time to get to this point and will take even longer to fix. You certainly aren't going to fix it by pleading with her on her thread.

In all honesty, she has the right to choose to follow through with the divorce. You made your choice to give her that option by your actions and refusal to change what you were doing.

Now she has decided to exercise the right you gave her. It might in fact be too late for you to save what's left, which frankly ain't much. Not your wife's fault at all. You killed her love as surely as if you had shot it.

You might be able to win her back, but this is not the way to do it.

Mark

Ok. I understand you are right, it is not becomming of a man or woman, i was on the other end not too long ago and did not like it.

Its just you dont know what else to do.

I will take time, work on myself and keep my prayers.

Thank You everyone.

Your wife has worked hard on herself and it has been a long, lonely battle.

I suggest you show her some ACTION. Put resumes in and try to change jobs.

One thing I find bothersome is that (if I remember correctly) your wife was uncomfortable with your "friendship" with the OW, and you didn't give a d*mn. Also I believe the OW knew she was causing problems in the marriage and didn't back off.

You know, I hate those outer limit episodes where it turns out there is no good guy, only seemed like there was a good guy until the story unfolds. (((Zora)))

As for you Silverwind, My bias prevents me from feeling any sympathy for you. You didn't come to MB to help Zora, you came because you needed help.

You, You, You.

You want some help? You better start racking your brain to find a different job and fast. Your going to have to suffer for this, and the worse part is, that you might get D'ed anyways.

Suffer? Oh... working two jobs? Greeter at Walmart? Wash dishes?
Street Cleaner... Garbage Man...

You never know what you have lost, until someone else has found it!

Zora, ditch the OM, do it D first.

You are right. Only it was not the OM that woke me up, it was the finality.

But I did not come here for help with myself, I came here for help with getting her back. ME ME ME...

Only now I am here for help with me, and I pray with the M in the long run.

I should have come here 1.5 years ago when Zora asked me to.

Ive said it before, I was stubborn.

Oh the irony. I seriously can't even believe what has happened in the last 24 hours.

Now SW is bothering me on my facebook. Just one place I went to recently to reconnect with long lost friends. Great. And now here. I wish I had used a different alias.

The places that I have gone to for the last 2 years for comfort and support are being taken away from.

Now people are trying to tell me to leave the OM alone and to get the D. Even if I did, I will run into this person because he is part of the largest support network that I had, my friends. I will NOT walk away from the people that have helped me and cared about me in all these months. We took phone calls from me in the middle of the night. Who let me stay in their homes when I was alone and desperate. These people have made me happy.

Seriously this is not fair.

I was not bothering you on facebook, I just commented on your pitcures.

Im sorry if that was a both to you, I will stop.

I though I made some nice and funny comments

I cant do anything right.

No one would ask you to leave your friends and support group thats silly. they are asking you to put aside the OM until your D.

She was upset i Posted that we were married. I have removed it.

Apparantly I have alot of learning to do yet as this was not a good idea to join her facebook and post a humorous message.

I cant do anything right. She asked me not to post in her thread anymore, I will respect that.

Zora - No one is asking you to leave your friends or supporters. However, you know that the MB policy is NO DATES until you are divorced, and then for sometime after that. I didn't follow it either, and it got me in a similar mess. That is why I always preach to people not to get involved until they have processed the trauma of betrayal. It will cloud your mind.

There is no hurry to do anything. Just continue healing yourself. You can even let the divorce go through and remarry later. Don't feel panicked. SW is going to have to work on himself and his issues.

And one of those issues is to stop posting on Zora's thread.

SW, you don't need to counter punch ever single time something is said.

Learn to take a few punches.

Stay away from Facebook as well.

It's starting to look like stalking.

Mark

Zora, you've been on one date. I've been on one date before, where we decided to remain friends, and it was completely doable; there's no emotion between you yet. Just keep him in the friend stage and never set yourself up to be alone with him.

And seriously, try not to date ANYONE for at least a year! Just be by yourself. Learn who you are. Learn to like yourself more. Learn to get past SW and what he's done, and that it wasn't about you, but his selfishness.

SW, if you're still reading, just leave her alone. Work on yourself - FOR yourself. Find a therapist, and learn why it was possible for you to do what you did to Zora, and work to get beyond that version of you.

This will take years, not weeks, not even months. There is no way in h&ll she should even be talking to you right now, let alone letting you back. Get over yourself.

Silly me. I believed my WH all the months he lived with me as a roommate that he wanted the D. I thought all that was left was the paperwork. I really wish I had filed them sooner, now I wouldn't be in this mess. I need to get my act together.

So I had a very short A with a close friend. It lasted all of 2 dates over 2 weeks that happened by chance. I'll get in touch with him Monday as he is away for the weekend and I'll tell him that I need to stop seeing/talking to him until the D is done. I know that he will comply because he/we did not mean for any of this to happen. I've got plenty of girlfriends to talk to anywho.

At least I had a short glimpse of happiness, albeit very brief. I admit that I made a mistake, but now I'm willing to shut that door just to prove I mean business.

I seriously can't believe this is happening again. Le sigh.

Zora, I would focus completely on your wants and needs and not pay attention to his smoke. This is just alot of talk designed to keep you on the farm. He feels uncomfortable without you and just wants to alleviate his discomfort. That doesn't mean there is anything here for you. Remember, when he had the chance, he did nothing. And he still has done nothing. And probably will do nothing.

If I were you, I would not allow all this smoke and mirrors to divert you from your path. If he does leave his job someday and make some serious changes THEN you can take a look at him. But I would strongly suggest you do nothing based on alot of TALK. TALK IS CHEAP, Zora.