So kids are thinking about what to get dad on Christmas. DD17 says I don't want to get him anything the OW can benefit from. DD17 says if we get him Cologne then OW will smell him and if we get him gift cards to restaurants he'll take her to dinner. This will be our first Christmas as a broken family and have no clue how to approach Christmas.

H moved in with OW August 1st, kids are still a bit upset and have extreme feelings of dislike to the OW. You can see my other thread, for my story.

So what would you buy or how would you approach your H as a family that will be entering Plan B on October 31st?

So far the kids and I have come up with slippers, baking cookies for him & photo albums......

The slippers, the home baked cookies, nix the photo albums and make him a DVD of the photos instesd. Use nostalgic music that he will recall, and add kid tunes like "Itsy Bitsy Spider" and "Watching Johnny Grow" (if I have that kids name right). It will cause him to reflect on what he has tossed out. You can accomplish this on your computer using Windows Movie Maker, which is probaboy installed. Good Luck. GF

the DVD is a good idea.

DVD is a Good idea!!!! Like it gonna start now!

Go deep, find those "special" songs that will bring a tear to his eye, now!! And don't leave out your pets that he loved! GF

Do I include our wedding stuff or just the kids stuff and what about our wedding song and special songs we shared?

I probably wouldn't use the wedding photos, but I would start shortly thereafter, beause he is with OW. Start with your earliest married photos, complete with your home. You may want your first selection to be a current one with your kids, just so he doesn't click it off if Ow is watching it with him.
then, go for his memory bank. So I would save " We are Family" for a little later in the show. But be sure to use it that song with photos of you and SIL's and MIl, FIL etc. One of my BIL's was going to get D back in the 80's, and I put together a slide show, projector, 45's and all. They were reduced to tears and got down to the hard work of making their marriage work.

You want to make a DVD that he is comfortable viewing at first, so he will continue to view it. Let him know that your kids were instrumental in making the video. Start it with things like "Producer, Kim, Photography Dad & Jimmy, you get the idea.
He won't turn away from it, kniowing his kids were involved in it. GF

I am certainly no expert but I have to disagree with the photo/DVD idea. He is a WS in the fog. Trying to reach emotions that are basically shut down probably will not work. I know it would not have worked on my WW although we never hit PLAN B. Maybe 1 month and 25 days into PLAN B will make a difference..... but I don't think so.

Good luck.

I respectfully disagree Jim...As a FWW I can tell you that that would surely have hit my heartstrings - music was one of the things that Mr. W and connected through - even during the affair - also Mr. W talked to me about all of the history that we would lose should we no longer be together - we'd have nobody that would have known each of us "when" - Very powerful stuff...I believe that the DVD will capture all of that, and therefore think it is a great gift idea from the children!

That will be the perfect thing for your WH to have when he is missing you and homesick during Plan B T2L...Go for it!

Mrs. W

It can't hurt to try but I'll stick with my bet on this. The difference is a WW vs a WH. I don't see it having as much of an effect on a man as it would on a women.

Mrs. Wondering,
I think I'm gonna go for it.

My H is a pretty big music guy and he always used to say how it's funny that music has the power to take you back in time and make you feel like your there again or remind you.

I see your recovered. I'm so happy for you.

If you get time maybe you can read over my thread: OH God, Help Help Help am I crazy??

Any of your help would be so valuable and I put into practice quickly what I learn.

I disagree Jim, because this is from the KIDS, not BS. What's wrong with kids sharing memories? He didn't stop being their dad! That's something even the OW can't change!
I'd nix the cookies, she might eat them.
Slippers-good idea, it's personal, she can't wear them.

unless you bake cookies ONLY for OW and put Exlax in them!;-)

Hi,
I'm with CrushedJim on this one. Male vs female. Women will get nostalgic and perhaps miss what they had. Men will sense manipulation and withdraw. Push vs pull. BELIEVE me, they have not forgotten their past life. I just think they are going to think about it when it is not there. If you are constantly reminding them of it, they are going to push it away. Make him wonder . . .

Either way, I wish you the best.